


This Is My Town

by kyosukemunakata



Category: Home Alone (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Animal Attack, Ass-Kicking, Assassins & Hitmen, Balloons, Black Comedy, Bondage, Booby Traps, Boys Being Boys, Butt Slapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Cartoon Physics, Cop Fetish, Crimes & Criminals, Crossdressing, Cute Kids, Dark Comedy, Electrocution, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Farting, Feet, Feminization, Femme Fatale, Fetish, Fetish Clothing, Fetishization, Foot Fetish, Home Invasion, Humiliation, Inflation, Jernigan shits everywhere, Just criminals getting the shit kicked out of em, Light Bondage, M/M, Non-Consensual Spanking, Omorashi, Pantsing, Pee, Petr is a fuckign sissy, Piss, Pranking, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Public Humiliation, Rape/Non-con Elements, S&M, Scat, Sex with Sentient Animals, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Sexy, Situational Humiliation, Slapstick, Spanking, Talking Animals, Verbal Humiliation, Villains, Violence, Water, Weird Biology, Weird Fetishes, beastiality, home alone but it's extreme, obscure fetishes, pants inflation, prank, pranked by brats, sissification, sissy, sissy villain, there is ALOT of scat, there is no limit to where this story will go, there's a fetish for everyone at this point, this is for people with weird fetishes like me, water inflation, wedgies, yes this is a home alone 3 fetish story, you never know what will pop up in this story, you'll soon find yours
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 20:18:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 59,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14268756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyosukemunakata/pseuds/kyosukemunakata
Summary: These villains may seem like they mean business, but these bumbling idiots are in for the shock of their lives when a little kid ends up outsmarting them. But this isn't Home Alone 3 as you know it... It's a whole new experience for the bad guys and they're about to get their butts kicked on a whole new level!





	1. Chapter 1

 "Jernigan, can ya just hold it in while we're on the plane?" 

It was a simple enough request that Earl Unger asked - leaning over to one of his fellow hitmen, who was currently sitting beside him on the plane. 

"Shut up, Unger, I don't know what you're talking about." Jernigan, the hacker of the team, scowled. He knew it exactly what he was talking about, they'd only been at the airport for about 2 hours max and he'd already forced the rest of the group to smell a variety of pungent smells.

"I just don't get why you had to even 3 boiled eggs for breakfast alone." Unger sighed, he'd wanted to sit next to the leader of the team: Peter Beaupre, but the burly man been so angry after they'd lost the microchip at the airport that he had been too scared to go near him. Now he was stuck with Jernigan and his gas.

"I'm not making any comments on how many boxes of 'Spaghetti and Goofballs' you've consumed and you've eaten more than I can count on two hands." Jernigan shuffled in his seat to mask the sound of a slightly louder  _ **prrp**_.

The fourth and only female member of the criminal group, Alice Ribbons, turned around to face the two men.

"That's disgusting, Mr Unger, you're going to be obese by the end of this mission." She gave him a cold, hard glare. 

"Sorry I get hungry, ya stupid broad!" Unger looked over at Jernigan. "I'm not the one letting them rip every 10 seconds."

Alice gave the pair a withering look and returned to her more topical conversation with Peter.

"How long is this shit anyway?" Unger asked. "I didn't get time to look at the  _brochure_."

"Well, we boarded at 10:20AM and this flight will take about 4 hours and 20 minutes, meaning we should arrive at the airport at 4:40PM if you factor in the time difference." Jernigan replied, ever the human calculator. 

"If only I could open a window in here." Unger frowned, preparing himself for the gas to come, Jernigan was like an unstoppable gas giant.

 

2 hours into the flight and Jernigan had been relentless, it was as if he was on a mission to gas up the entire plane, if anyone lit a match in there it would've been game over. 

Embarrassingly, a couple of other passengers had even complained but luckily for Jernigan they'd all assumed it was Unger doing it as he looked more the type - especially because he'd been ordering food continuously throughout the flight.

"Suck it in, Jernigan, you asshole! Everyone thinks I'm doing it!" Unger hissed as Jernigan did a squeaky pop.

Jernigan ignored him, still pretending to be oblivious to his own farts. "You're gonna get indigestion if you keep eating so much."

Unger took out a packet of Rennie tablets. "I already have, damnit!"

Jernigan sat smugly for a moment before feeling a gurgle in his stomach indicating that the farts had been building up to something worse.

"Move your legs, Unger, I gotta use the bathroom." He stood up.

"Finally, then maybe if you use the john you'll stop letting them out!" Unger was hoping this would be the end of it.

"Letting what out, you're talking nonsense." Jernigan headed to the toilet.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Unger replied, sarcastic as usual.

 

Peter and Alice on the other hand had quite the normal flight for a pair of internationally wanted hitmen. Both of them were still mad that they'd managed to pick up the wrong bag, it was an amateur mistake that had been quite humiliating for the two of them, a lot was at stake for this mission - including their pride. 

 "I don't think I can cope with these two imbeciles for the whole mission." Alice said to her superior - although in her mind, this wasn't the case.

"The mission would've been a lot shorter had you not mistaken the bags." Peter put her in her place.  "I agree though, I am not sure how much help these fools will be in returning the chip."

"We could just leave them here." Alice suggested, she loved the idea of just getting in a taxi with Peter and completing the mission with no tomfoolery, leaving them behind at the airport - still arguing, with no money and no luggage.

"No, we still need them for brute force." Peter shut down the idea quickly.

Alice pursed her lips as covertly as she could, "I doubt there's anything you couldn't face without them."

"Flattery will not work, it will get you nowhere in this business, you should know this by now." Peter replied.

Alice wasn't sure why he suddenly thought he could address her in such a tone, usually he acted as if they were on the same ranks, giving her a lot more respect than the other two. She assured herself that this was merely his frustration from losing the chip manifesting as anger towards her. 

"I am aware of that. I was not attempting to flatter you, instead I was questioning the talents of the men you hired who are currently discussing bodily functions like a pair of children." Alice didn't really care what Peter thought of her, but she did believe she deserved his respect.

"Hey, lady!" Unger exclaimed from behind her. "I'm not acting like a child just cause I can't stand breathing in his shit for another hour. Howwa bout you try sitting next to him next time?"

"It's Miss Ribbons to you." Alice frowned at him.

"Who cares? Just get me out of this fuckin' plane already." He sounded even more nasal than usual, holding his nose to try and stop Jernigan's farts from slipping in.

 

Thankfully, the flight was over soon and the criminal team made their way over to the taxi pickup point to find out if anyone had seen the old woman who had taken the bag with the toy car which held the microchip by accident.

An old guy, who had driven her taxi, had and they soon found out that she lived on Washington Street, North Devon Park and that her house was "big, old and Tudor-like" and "had a Christmas tree at the end of the driveway, which was the only driveway which hadn't been shoveled."

After a short drive, they reached her block and scouted out the area but soon realised that annoyingly, the old man's description fitted every single of the houses. Even the driveway comment was no longer fitting, as there was not an unshoveled one in sight.

"There are 14 houses on the street, toy car must be in one." Peter stated from the front seat. "We will search all of them."

Unger rolled his eyes in frustration, although he was a professional thief, he was undoubtedly a lazy one.

"We'll come back when it's light." Peter continued, thinking ahead.

"We're gonna work houses in broad daylight?" Unger smirked, the idea was idiotic and it was quite amusing for it to have been suggested by the most experienced of the team.

"It's the suburbs, Mr Unger, nobody's home during the day." Peter said, coolly.

 

It wasn't long before they were able to set up a base in the nearby area, they had filled it with lots of a equipment, all necessary for them to easily track down the chip.

"I don't know how my stomach will react to this much noodles." Jernigan complained about the choice of a Chinese Takeaway.

"Then don't eat it, just pass them to me." Unger held out his hand.

"I'm certainly not giving them to you." Jernigan grimaced. "I don't know how you can consume that much food in one day."

"Right... Should I be eating a whole coop's worth of eggs every hour then?" Unger replied, angrily, he couldn't believe some perfectly good noodles were gonna be wasted on Jernigan who would probably shit them out in a couple of minutes because of his stomach not being used to that much flavour.

"Here, Mr Unger, you can have mine." Alice shoved over her portion of noodles. "I don't think I can eat anymore of this cheap food."

"Speak for yourself." Unger grabbed them before she'd even finished her sentence.

 

For now, they thought it would be an easy mission, so what if they had a little bit of a hurdle with the whole bag swapping? They were professionals and this was amateur stuff! Breaking into some suburbs? Piece of cake.

But somewhere on the block, a little boy had big plans for them, just neither of them knew it yet.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Unger awoke to a loud 'brrrrrp ba-ba-boing' noise, but the guy was too tired and cranky to bother getting into a fight over it. He reluctantly had to share a room with Jernigan and unsurprisingly enough he didn't get a wink of sleep that night.

This was now their third time going out, with their first and second outing being very unsuccessful. The chip was nowhere to be found in the old woman's house which had left the team very frustrated and reminded them of the fact it was probably gonna take a long, long time to get anywhere. They had managed to steal a dog, which some might consider as progress. Someone seemed to be on to their scheming though, as the police was called. But this wasn't even beginning to prepare them for the wild ride ahead.

Earl Unger was donning the clothes of an old man while keeping watch. Jernigan was sitting in the car. Alice was playing the role of a suburban mom and Petr was exploring the house.

"I thought it would have to be a few more years before I'd be dressing like this..." Unger laughed dryly. 

Suddenly something came zooming past, prompting Alice and Earl to give each other a confused look before they got the chance to identify it. 

 

Petr was looking through every cupboard and drawer he could. He wouldn't let it slip away that easily. Then he saw it... The car! It raced through the catflap and along the floor, heading in his direction.

Petr quickly contacted the others and began to chase the car. The dark haired man got down on all fours and began to run around the place like an utter lunatic. Little did he know that there was an eight year old boy a few houses away laughing at his crazy antics. The professional, poised hitman looked like a complete buffoon. He felt a bit idiotic but what he'd get was worth looking like a cartoon villain.

 

Alex Pruitt, on the other side of the camera was almost rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter watching the camera zoom into Petr's humongous butt. 

"This crook looks stupid!" Said the Parrot, smugly.

"He suuuure does!" Alex said, satisfied. "But why does he want the car."

 

Petr was getting nowhere on his quest for the car. He'd managed to get his big ass stuck in between the legs of a wooden table. 'How do I explain this to the others without them losing all respect for me as a leader...?' Petr thought to himself. He needed to escape or he wouldn't catch the car, and the car certainly wasn't waiting for him to squeeze his gigantic tush out of the table's legs. He felt so cartoonishly degraded. Never in his entire career had he thought he'd end up stuck in a table while chasing a child's toy car. His face was red in anger and seeping with greasy sweat. 

 

Amidst the utter chaos that was going on in the house, Jernigan was waiting in the car listening to smooth jazz on the radio. The hacker was beginning to get bored and tired of his surroundings. All of a sudden he heard a knock on the window and turned to see a huge, hulking cop outside the window.

"And what do you think you're doing here?" The cop asked him menacingly. 

"I was just waiting for my hu-wife while she packs." Jernigan quickly replied, very used to this kind of situation but accidentally almost revealing his sexual preferences to the policeman.

"Well ya won't be waiting much longer ya dirty crook!" The officer crashed through the car window and forcefully handcuffed Jernigan causing him to yell out.

"Unger! Beaupre! Alice!" Jernigan howled.

"You just said the names of three wanted criminals... Got some explaining to do, kid?" The police officer taped Jernigan's mouth shut and threw him into the back of the car. Jernigan began to get even more concerned when the officer started unbuckle his belt.

"Well I can't really explain if you've taped my mouth shut." Jernigan tried to say through the tape, though he had no chance of the burly cop hearing him.

The officer bent Jernigan over and began to spank his behind with his belt.  Jernigan tried to scream out in pain but the officer muffled his screams by pushing his head into the seat of the car. Jernigan's ass was flaming red and flaring up in pain. He couldn't deny that he was kind of enjoying it. 

The policeman then tore into the fabric of Jernigan's slacks and whipped out his throbbing cock. The policeman began to to thrust in and out, and it seemed to be snowing on the inside of the car as well as the outside. Jernigan was no longer pained but now in ecstasy. He wanted more and more of this and he let the cop dominate him and violate him. He let the other man take over entirely, he felt like his body was no longer his and he was practically a doll. The officer reached into his pocket and pulled out a stun gun. He began to repeatedly shock Jernigan's asshole with the gun. But this was getting boring for the officer, he had hoped the younger, weaker man would put up a fight but there had been no resistance. Jernigan had truly succumbed to his will.

The cop hopped out of the car, leaving Burton Jernigan a cumstained, degraded mess slung over the seat of the car. He would have to find another 'participant'.

Jernigan quickly cleaned up, both ashamed and thankful for what he'd just been put through. He was ready to find that toy car and nothing was gonna stop him! 

 

Meanwhile back at the house, Petr was clamoring around trying to catch the pesky car. He dashed left and right as the car drove quickly through the house. It was almost as if the car was saying 'catch me if you can!'. Petr noticed a bra on the floor of the house and he couldn't help but let his desires get the better of him. He picked up the huge push-up bra from the floor and threw it on. He struggled with doing it up, he'd never done this before. But eventually he got to grips with it and the bra was on. He dug around to see if there were any panties and luckily for him there was! And they were matching with the bra.

Petr shoved an apple in each of the cups of the bra. This had always been something he'd wished to try, but he never had the chance. Now of all times, was a good time to act on his shameful desires. He'd already lost a chunk of his dignity with the hole car chase.

"I'm a pretty lady tra la la la." He sang, he had truly been overcome with his forbidden desires now. He danced around the room assuming no one in the world could see him. But the car was sat there, filming. 

 

The huge cop was now making his was down the street. Dissatisfied with his last 'prey'. Sure, he was meant to be catching some of the most wanted criminals, but who said he couldn't have a bit of criminal fun of his own!?

 

 


	3. Let it rip!

The criminal gang should've really watched their step before messing with this neighborhood. 

 

Jernigan couldn't believe that he let the officer get away with violating him in that disgraceful way. He felt as if all the pride and dignity had been drained from his body. He couldn't let any of the rest of his team know about this little encounter of his. It had been a fantasy of his for a long time to be completely ravished and destroyed by another man, and he had never been able to admit it. He felt mentally broken yet so alive. 

In the meantime, the cop was patrolling the street looking for bad guys to give what they deserved. He was a true hero of justice, and this was what criminals deserved after all. This would make those wretched bad guys atone for their sins!

Unger was wandering around looking left and right, making sure there was no one who could get in the way of their scheming. 'Man... I could do with a bottle of vodka right now', the man thought, a sigh escaping his mouth.

Unger felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped slightly in shock. He turned to see a hulking, terrifying man in a police uniform.

"Ah shit! Cop!" Unger yelped, jumping back in utter surprise. The cop towered above him. Unger was considered a taller than average guy but man, this cop was on a whole different plane of existence. The officer gave him a toothy grin and before Unger even had the chance to protest, a ball gag had been shoved in his mouth and his hands were cuffed.

"Come with me, you little bitch. Earl Unger, huh? Crooks like you deserve what's coming for them... This is justice." The cop began to drag Unger away, as the man wriggled his legs in protest. Unger wouldn't let this happen to him! He was a most wanted criminal! He was hardcore!

Unger felt something heavy bash his head and in what seemed like no time, he woke up in a shed. 

The cop was still there, of course. He was leaning over and looked down at Unger's horrified face. The cop gave Unger a swift kick in the side and he could've even broken a rib. 

"You won't want to be committing any more crimes after this, bitch." The officer looked down at him with a condescending smirk as though he was merely dirt on his shoe "Bad guys get what's coming to them." 

The officer began to unbuckle his belt as Unger sat in front of him. Unger was hoping it wouldn't come to this. He really was. 

The officer grabbed one of the pairs of shears hanging on the wall of the shed and tore into Unger's pants. Unger howled in surprise. He was truly defeated now. Then the policeman pulled from his pocket a stun gun. 

"Bzzt!" The shock entered through his tight asshole and spread throughout his entire body making him writhe in pain. Unger shivered as he turned to see the cop's monster of a cock ready to enter his butthole. There was no escape. Unger's asshole was already sore from the stun gun and the man was far from prepared for this...

"What? You've never taken it up the ass before?" The cop laughed. "Your little friend was not half as fun as you...!"

Unger winced in agony when the cop's inhumanly massive cock penetrated his asshole. He thrusted in and out violently like there was no tomorrow. The cop pulled his cock out and let cum drip from Unger's ass. Then he began to lick his asshole his tongue circling the rim. The cop then went back to shoving his dick into Unger's ass. He was sinking into him like quicksand and pulling out like his ass was the sword in the stone.

Had Unger experienced something like this before? Not even remotely. He had messed around with both women and men throughout his life but nothing like this had ever happened to him. And when he was with another guy, he would be the one on top.

Then the officer grabbed a rake, turned it around and shoved it far up Unger's ass. Unger's eyes rolled back in pain and he felt as though something inside him was being ripped. He could almost see the smug face of the cop, enjoying every moment of his suffering. He was being treated like a cheap whore. And in this moment, he was a cheap whore. The cop pulled the ballgag from Unger's mouth and blew a load in the weaker man's mouth. Unger tried to spit it out but the cop held his mouth shut until he reluctantly swallowed it. Tears of pain were springing up in Unger's eyes now as he tried to beg the oversized officer to leave him the fuck alone! He was slowly being driven to the edge and his patience and sanity was being tested.

The cop grabbed Unger by his hair and flung him to the floor like the little slut he was. 

"Bad guys never win." The cop smiled and slammed the door. Unger couldn't help but cry now. He felt so pathetic and emasculated. He was stripped of his dignity. 

 

The cop was now making his way over to the house where Peter was. This cop wasn't actually a real cop, he had gone through the training but wasn't accepted as an actual member of the police force. His only goal in life was to bring justice to the bad guys so the man decided to make his own living by giving criminals what they deserve.  The scared little faces on the criminals after he was through with them was worth more than anything money could buy.

Now Petr Beaupre was in the kitchen, still in some kind of hypnotic trance wearing the push up bra. Petr was so occupied with his strange fantasy that he didn't even notice the cop enter the house. But Petr decided to give the cop a real shock and shot him on sight. Petr had heard of this guy, Lawrence Wendell, he was quite well known in the criminal world for his sadistic 'punishments'. Petr quickly grabbed the unconscious cop and dragged him outside, covering him with snow and leaves.

Luckily for Petr, the camera on the car didn't catch that moment. Because if Alex had that on camera then that would be the end of Petr Beaupre. 

Petr felt something behind him and he turned to see the little car. The car seemed to jump over the step and hit Petr in his big, evil butt. The car had a nail taped on the front of it and the nail went right through Petr's pants and into his butthole. The nail had come off the car and now seemed to be lost in Petr's ass. Yikes!


	4. Chapter 4

"YOUCH!" Petr yelped clasping at his flaming asshole that had just been penetrated by the metal object, even if he'd avoided rape from the policeman, he'd certainly been anally raped by the nail.

"That gotta hurt!" Alex giggled, watching the criminal jumping around like his big bum was on fire.

Petr was still wearing the bra but he was distracted from it for now by the raging pain in his ass. He was gonna have to drop his drawers.

Looking around to see if anyone was in sight, he noticed none of his co-workers were around and even that damn car with the camera had disappeared - he'd have to inform the team about it in a second.

Upon this realisation, Petr unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants and underwear, revealing his massive ass to nobody in particular. The nail had slotted perfectly in his relatively loose butthole and so there had be no bleeding internally or externally but it still hurt like a motherfucker. 

"FUCK!" He screeched, trying to muffle his cursing with his sleeve, he pulled out the pointed object and discarded it to one side. His asshole felt like it was burning, he decided it would be a good idea to just sit down in the snow to soothe it.

He let a small moan escape as the cold snow filled his crack and acted as an anesthetic to his hole. After letting his bum go numb, he stood up feeling slightly shameful and pulled up his pants again. 

Now he was able to concentrate on the apple-filled bra he was wearing and the tight matching panties he was wearing over his trousers.

They took over him again, no longer was he Petr Beaupre, internationally wanted hitman, he was a big pantomime dame.

"Fa la la la la! Look at these lovely melons!" He gestured to his fake bosoms as he hopped about like a big sissy.

He added a few dance moves to it as if he was performing to a bunch of laughing children who all knew he was a man in women's clothing.

"Look at me! Look at me! I'm a pretty lady!" He galloped about, giving a little bum wiggle to his fake audience. He didn't know what he was doing anymore - he figured the jetlag had something to do with it. He began to worry one of his fellow criminals would come along, he hadn't even told them where the car had gone yet - it was probably long gone now.

"I'm a pretty pretty lady! Oh so pretty! Oh so sissy! I'm a pretty lady!"  He shook big ass again, he imagined a bunch of the audience shouting "No you're not!" and maybe throwing some rotten fruit at his bum.

"No you're not." That wasn't part of his imagination! That voice was familiar, too familiar. A nasally voice he'd had to painfully endure for a four hour plane journey.

"Mr Unger!" Petr shot out of his trance, awakening out of his desires to see the taller man looking worse for wear. "What happen to you? Where is your disguise? Where are your trousers?"

"I got into a fight with some thug," Unger didn't really want to go into detail about his traumatic experience. "He took my disguise and I lost my pants."

He had forgotten he'd even been wearing a disguise, when he'd woken up in the shed, his hat, grey wig and fake moustache were long gone and afterwards he'd only been able to salvage his underwear, his pants had been ripped to shreds by the burly beast. 

Of course, the experience had traumatized him to oblivion but in his time as a criminal he'd seen a lot worse - even if he'd never been on the receiving end, but somehow he'd been able to gather some of his remaining pride and leave the shed with enough confidence and motivation to still be the hardcore hitman he usually was. He wasn't gonna let some perverted wannabe policeman ruin his image, even if he'd basically just been a literal cum rag no less than a few hours ago.

"I don't know 'bout you, Beaupre, but I think I should be the one asking questions." Unger sniggered, looking the more experienced criminal up and down. "Why you dressed up like some tranny?"

Petr didn't really know how to respond, this man was his inferior! He shouldn't be talking to him like that! "Silence, Mr Unger! If you had a single brain cell in that numb skull of yours you would know that there are no questions to be asked here!"

"Hey, why's that look like you shoved your ass in the snow?" Unger ignored the discipline he was receiving and continued to question him.

Petr followed the man's finger to see the imprint he'd left in the snow earlier which was currently beside him - reminding him of how much of a fool he'd acted.

"I'll give you a spanking if you ask another question, you sorry excuse for a criminal!" Petr felt the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself.

"What the fuck, Beaupre?!" Unger looked at him like he was the filthy perverted buffoon he'd become. "You may be the leader of this shit but I'm still a professional hitman, and dressed in that bullshit, you look more like you want a spank!" 

Petr had to use every part of his mind and body to suppress his urge to utter a slutty "I do, Mr Unger!" in reply to the man's outburst. What had he become?

"I'm outta here, you're acting like a fucking lunatic!" Unger didn't give him time to respond at all. "Where's Jernigan and that dumb broad!?"

"T-The car!" Petr shouted as Unger strode away. "The car with the microchip has a camera on it and it went in that direction!"

He pointed to the next garden, unable to string together a sophisticated sentence like usual, still in shock from the way Unger of all people had spoken to him.

 Unger ran in the direction Petr had pointed in, now desperate to get the mission over with so he could go work for a serious organisation without weirdos like Beaupre.

 

Jernigan was still driving around the neighborhood, waiting to hear from Petr about the location of the car. He'd already stank up the car slightly so he was hoping it would be a while before the others had to get in or else he knew Unger would mock him for his eggy smells again. 

It was almost getting hard for him to stomach. Then he got the message from Petr that the car had been sighted and was being controlled by an unknown person who had attached a camera to it. Damnit! They were being filmed! 

Jernigan was glad he'd been far away from this electric car or else it probably would've picked up on the sound of his farts - even from outside the car. 

Shit! That was it! Jernigan spotted the tiny machine hurrying across the road, followed in close pursuit by Alice Ribbons.

He stopped the car and jumped out, joining the femme fatale as she raced from gardens after it. Suddenly it had arrived back at the Alcott's house, where Petr had just broken in and found it, he was still there (no longer wearing the bra and panty combo, he was instead hiding them in his pocket).

Petr grabbed the car as it seemed to slow down to a halt as Jernigan and Alice reached him. 

"Looks like we have our microchip." Petr said, smugly, leaving behind his previous humiliation.

"I'll destroy the evidence." Alice calmly took the cassette tape from the camera which had been attached to the car and stomped on it - crushing it into the snow.

"Take it, I need to return something to this house." Petr handed Alice the machine and returned into the house to put the incriminating objects back where they belonged.

"What happened?" Unger arrived at the scene, out of breath.

"We caught the microchip." Jernigan said, curtly, a smirk on his face. "And you would've been here to see it happen if you were in shape."

"I am in shape, dumbass!" Unger protested, he prided himself on his muscular physique. "I just ate a ton before we got here and it gave me stitch."

"Point proven." Jernigan popped a boiled egg into his mouth with expertise.

Suddenly the car jump-started again and leaped from Alice's hands, driving over her face and knocking her to the ground with extreme force.

"Ahh!" She squealed, uncharacteristically, as she landed haphazardly in a crumpled and unsophisticated heap in the snow.

Alex fistpumped in his room as he watched the usually calm and collected lady-thief lose her balance.

"Oh shit!" Unger jumped, racing after the car again with Jernigan in close pursuit.

The duo quickly became a trio as Alice got up from the ground and followed them in the chase for the car.

Jernigan was now learning the hard way what Unger had experienced earlier, he'd barely even had time for his most recent egg to digest before he started running, he could fill his stomach gurgling and protesting at the sudden movement. He needed a shit.

"Jernigan! What the fuck are you doing?" Unger looked back at the slowing hacker as he continued to run from garden to garden. Big mistake. The criminal ran straight into a perfectly manicured bush and went tumbling over into the next garden.

He fell straight into a children's sandpit which had been left out while they were at school.

"Pfft! Hghgrhgh! Pfft!" He coughed and spluttered on the mouthful of sand he'd just taken in. The sand was everywhere.

"Look where you're going next time." Alice snarked as she gracefully jumped over the bush and followed the car.

"How about next time you don't let the car escape." Unger replied, sitting up in his bed of sand, still dazed like a cartoon villain from the impact - the only thing missing was the birds circling his head.

It was gonna take a long time to get all the sand from his body, especially from his underwear.

Jernigan was having a worse time, he couldn't even run any more, he stomach felt tight and it was not long before he was gonna have to just shit his pants unless he found a toilet soon!

"AHH!" He groaned, grabbing his belly when he should've been grabbing his ass - because the shit had already come out.

"Oh crap!" He muttered. Literally. It stank like crazy. He dropped to the ground, unsure of what to do and defeated by his own body.

His underwear felt like a hot mess and there was no way in hell he'd be able to clean it soon.

Alice was having more luck in the chase as she closed in on the electric car but all of a sudden, she tripped over a cat! A cat of all things! She felt like a measly mouse as she hit the ground for the second time that day! Only mice got defeated by cats, or other yucky rodents that meant nothing in the scheme of things.

The cat hissed and scratched her viciously as if reminding her, right now, she was even beneath a common household feline in the social hierarchy. It was utterly mortifying.

The car had been lost. The four internationally wanted criminals had been outsmarted by a mere 8 year old boy. A humiliating experience for all of them.

Petr Beaupre was ready to find every one of his team and remind them why he was in charge and make sure they never made another stupid mistake like they had today. Maybe earlier he'd been a big sissy but now he was Petr Beaupre again.

"Mr Jernigan, what is the putrid smell?" He looked down at the hacker who had been marked with the brown shit stain of shame. 

"I-I don't know!" Jernigan tried even though it was useless to play oblivious with this much of a stench. 

"Never let your bodily functions get in the way of your job again." He hissed, kneeling by the man's butt and taking in a strong whiff of the stink as a power move.

Jernigan nodded.

Petr moved onto Unger who was in the next garden along, he was trying to get all the sand out.

"Mr Unger, why is it that you are covered in sand?" Petr snarled.

"Well, I tripped over that bush while I was chasing that fucking car!" Unger explained, he gritted his teeth as he could feel the sand in his crotch and now in between his ass cheeks.

Petr just shook his head and walked onwards.

"I think those panties you were wearing earlier gave you a wedgie." Unger called to him, a last attempt at retaliation before he returned to emptying himself of sand once more.

Petr then found Alice on the floor, surrounded by cats which had been called by the first cat to come look at the pathetic lady who had fallen. One of them had pissed on her to mark it's territory.

"I have no words, Miss Ribbons, I at least expected success from you." Petr growled.

They were all a mess.


	5. Just Lose It

Burton Jernigan felt a moderate sized burp escape his mouth as he peered over the fence as they checked for a last time around the neighbourhood for any sign of the pesky little car that was making them look like the buffoonish villains they truly were. They were like cartoonish caricatures. They may as well be in an episode of Looney Tunes. 

Jernigan felt something wet and warm on the soles of his feet. He looked down to see the dog they had stolen licking furiously at his colossal foot. Until anyone noticed, Jernigan was going to pretend it wasn't happening, since he grew to find the sensation rather satisfying. The dog began to lightly chew on his toes, it felt extremely ticklish but Jernigan held in a giggle afraid to show any weakness. His foot felt as though it was being massaged by a professional. His feet were aching like mad after this rough day and he wanted nothing more than to bask in the ecstasy that was this massage of sorts.

"Man, something stinks like shit in here..." Unger said to no one in particular. But the smell in question was in fact Jernigan's feet. 

"Not as bad as your breath, Mr. Unger." Jernigan replied nonchalantly, inwardly smirking at his own words. 

"Jernigan... Your feet are the problem." Alice sighed. Jernigan could see Unger laugh under his breath from across the table. Jernigan went bright red and his feet curled up in shame.

"Mr Jernigan. You're gonna have to put those stinkin' stompers away." Petr ordered his inferior, who was nothing more than a piece of dog shit in his eyes. Somehow that was probably the most human thing he'd heard come out of Petr's mouth. It was a line that didn't sound like a line from a movie villain. 

"You heard the man, Jernigan." Unger said, raising a meatball in agreement. Jernigan stared daggers at Unger, he had been enjoying his moment of bliss.

 

Back at Alex's house, the young boy was replaying the video he'd caught of the bad guys. It was hilariously comical and funnier than any of his saturday morning cartoons had ever been. 

"Okay... But why do these loser crooks want this car anyway?" Alex asked his pet rat Doris, somehow expecting a reply. He was laughing like crazy watching these so-called professionals making themselves look like bumbling idiots. He wondered how they'd even got that far as criminals. 

"Wow, that's one lucky car!" Said the parrot as the car shakily drove over Alice's tits.

"Yeah.. You're right." Alex said, his face resting on his fist as he watched the screen fixated on the car's epic journey.

 

"This food is vile." Jernigan scoffed while picking at his takeaway meal.

"Well you're not gonna get anything else." Alice said.

"Don't tell me what I will and won't get, woman." Jernigan muttered. 

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you hitting me with the minivan." Unger stated dryly. 

"Never let your emotions get the better of you." Jernigan promptly replied, keeping his supernaturally blue eyes on Unger. He let out a fart which was muffled by the cushion of the seat "You weren't paying attention. You should've been more vigilant."

"The fuck does this have to do with emotions?" Unger asked "You should've taken drivers ed."

"It's a kid!" Alice said slamming her hand on the table, as though she'd finally worked it out.

"I'm gonna have bad knees when I'm old and I have Burton Jernigan to thank." Unger brought the subject back to his own problems.

"The cops come twice, they don't believe the kid, he takes matters into his own hands. It can't be anything else." Alice explained to the rest of the idiots. 

"If that's the case, I say take no chances. Tomorrow whack every kid in the neighborhood, burn em' all." Unger said, getting a concerned look from Jernigan.

"And look for that stupid car." Unger finished his sentence and took a swig of his drink. 

"My thoughts keep turning to number 3026. It's with in the operating radius of the toy car." Petr chimed in.

Alice violently grabbed the ice pack from Unger, who'd stolen it from her and put it back on her neck. She had been torn to ribbons that day.

"It's in the sight lines of all the houses I have been in." Petr said, a sudden ring from his phone intruding in the discussion.

 

"Hello." Petr picked up the phone.

"Do you have the missile chip?" Said the man at the other end.

"We are close." Petr assured him.

"If I don't have the chip in 24 hours I will have to terminate the mission and nullify all the participants... You understand, don't you?"

 

"Burton Jernigan... You've taken at least half an hour in the bathroom. You must be takin' the biggest shit of your life."  Unger waited impatiently outside the bathroom, almost on the verge of kicking down the door. If Jernigan took any longer then he'd get an axe through the door.

"MhmmmmmmHmmmm." Jernigan could be heard trying to squeeze something out. 

"Jernigan! You better let me in or I'll piss my pants!" It seemed Unger had spoke too soon. He felt a warm stream trickle down his leg.

"Oh fuck this.." Unger muttered, furiously. He'd wet his pants! A grown man! And an internationally wanted criminal of that!  There was a dark stain growing on the crotch of his boxers. And it sure didn't seem like Jernigan was gonna be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. If he'd shat then the whole house would've smelled it by now.

"Mr. Unger... Have you had an accident?" He heard the familiar voice of his superior, Petr Beaupre behind him.

"I just spilled my drink." Unger replied in a defeated tone. There was no way around it. It was just piss and that was that. 

"I just had to hire the least capable bastards possible..." Petr hissed. 

"Did I just hear that correctly?" Jernigan said from behind the wooden door. 

"...Yeah." Unger hesitantly replied. Suddenly a loud 'plop' sound came from the bathroom. It seemed like the beast had been released at the most inconvenient time possible. A smell of shit, rotten eggs and rotten fruit filled the air and Unger pinched his nose in disgust. After all, it was Jernigan.

"Don't let your desperation get the better of you." Jernigan said.

"I'm not the son of a bitch who just spent the last 45 minutes taking a shit." 

Unger ran upstairs feeling a little piece of his pride had been lost. First the bulky cop and now this? He was truly losing the plot. He grabbed small can of really weak pathetic beer from his bedside and downed it in a matter of seconds. As he threw himself on to the bed he fell asleep almost immediately but not before he realized he would probably piss his pants again in his sleep. And he wasn't wrong. In only about an hour the bed was flooded.

 


	6. Chapter 6

"What the fuck is this?" Unger muttered, waking up in a pool of liquid. It was the middle of the night and he'd just woken. He was utterly baffled, this wasn't a usual occurrence! He'd never done stuff like this before but now he'd pissed his pants twice in a matter of hours. 

"Probably the jetlag or something." He thought to himself but he knew it wasn't - he'd had more than enough time to get over it. He took a mental note not to drink before going to bed again.

Unger did not know what to do. Jernigan would come up to bed soon (he'd been staying up late hacking as usual) and would surely be able to smell it. But if he went and washed the sheets, anyone else still awake would also see him take his ruined underwear down and get curious.

He'd just have to risk it. 

He changed out of his pants but he still reeked of urine and there was no hiding it. He was never gonna hear the end of it - twice in one day! This is an international criminal we're talking about. 

"Ah, Mr. Unger, I see you've come to join us." Petr greeted him as he arrived cautiously holding the evidence, others were still up working hard. "Go clean up that mess you made earlier then get back to work and stop slacking off."

Unger nodded, he was glad Petr hadn't noticed the bundle of sheets in his arms.  But somebody else had...

"Unger!" Jernigan swung round on his chair, piercing blue eyes fixating on the shamed man with a steely glare. "What are you doing with that bedding?"

"None of your business, Jernigan." Unger tried to reply casually.

"I can smell something off." Jernigan rose up from the chair, wafting his nose. 

"Maybe you should check your slacks." Unger replied, snidely.

Jernigan did consider it, due to how loose his butthole was, sometimes the shits didn't even produce any pressure on the rim and therefore he couldn't tell if he'd even shat or not!

"No, no, no!" Jernigan felt a grin forming on his face. "You can't fool me."

He took a step closer and Unger took a step back.

"It's urine!" Jernigan yelled triumphantly. 

"Mr. Jernigan, we are all aware of what Mr. Unger did earlier." Petr was glad to have the attention on someone else, he'd noticed Unger had been looking at him in disgust when he thought he wasn't looking - he knew their encounter earlier was not something easily forgotten.

"No! He's done it again!" Jernigan was almost jumping in glee but he knew if he rocked himself too much then he'd probably emit some gas so he stayed firmly on the ground.

"I don't know what you're talking about, ya stupid broad!" Unger scowled. 

"Hey, I'm not a broad!" Jernigan felt as if he'd been stripped of his masculinity right there and then by none other than Earl Unger.

"Then quit yappering and let me wash these fuckin' sheets." Unger replied, he noticed Jernigan had gotten a little less smug after being called a woman.

"Y-you still weeweed twice!" Jernigan attempted to sound tough again but the word "weewee" slipped out and ruined it.

"No, I fucking didn't! Now shut your mouth or I'll rip your throat out!" Unger swore, his cheeks slightly pink.

"I don't know why everyone is shocked," Alice piped up, a smarmy look on her face. "I always knew Unger was just a slob."

"Can it, lady! I take a lot of pride in my appearance!" Unger said. "And I don't know why you're giving me hell when that freak shit his pants earlier and our fucking boss dresses up in chick's lingerie!"

That shut everyone up.

Being reminded of his buffoonery earlier, Petr felt his lower quarters grow hot, his cock was mesmerized by the idea of everyone knowing his filthy secret but his mind was mortified.

"Mr. Unger, do I have to remind you once again who is in charge here?" Petr bellowed. "I will take those sheets myself and you will begin working at once!"

Unger watched with horror as his piss-stained sheets and underwear were snatched from his arms by the raging boss. 

"Well I guess he's doing that then." He murmured, sitting down in defeat. 

"Did he really dress up in women's underwear?" Jernigan asked once Petr had left the room. Alice didn't speak but she turned her chair curiously to find out more, she couldn't believe this sort of behavior from a man she sort of respected - let alone one who gave her orders.

"Would I make that shit up?" Unger replied, leaving the rest to their imagination.

Jernigan turned back to his computer but soon felt a familiar feeling in his body, he could feel a sneeze coming on - he wasn't surprised, the house was quite dusty.

"AA-AA-AACHOO!" He flew back off the chair, his legs high in the air, the force of the sneeze had pushed out a poo, a round, hard pebble-y poo which shot through the air with an alarming speed, crashing into the leg of Alice's chair.

The chair leg turned to smithereens and Alice became unbalanced, collapsing to the ground in an unceremonious heap.

"What the hell?!" She exclaimed, it was so unexpected for her to have fallen like that and was ready to rage at whoever's fault it was that she'd been made a fool of.

Of course, her attention turned to the red-faced mess of a Jernigan who was lying on the floor, still spread eagle in the air with a burning hole in his pants where the shit had shot through.

He had snot dripping from his nose also, which had been a result of the furious sneeze.

"Bless you." Unger smirked, looking at the stinky man on the floor.

"It was just a sneeze." Jernigan was blushing like a beet, the poo had been so hot on his bumhole that it felt like a chili had come out.

Then it was Alice's turn, a bit of dust reached her nose and she found herself fighting the tickling urge.

"AAH-CHOOOOOOOOOO!" She practically sneezed as she slammed back into her desk with the force, snot hung from her nose in an unladylike fashion.

"Wow, I didn't know you had bogeys."  Jernigan breathed, his image of Alice being the perfect human (although not in a romantic way) was slowly being chipped away as he look at the green and yellow sticky substance that dripped onto the woman's lip.

Alice was mad, she couldn't believe she'd done that in front of those two goons. It was embarrassing to say the least.

Then it happened again and this time she spat everywhere, her saliva flew across the room, landing on all the screens as she blew another mighty sneeze.

"Would ya mind not fuckin' spitting all over the place?" Unger guffawed at her as she continued spewing more bodily fluids from face as she kept on sneezing.

"I can't help it! Get me a tissue!" Alice had lumps of boogers of all different sizes and consistencies all over her grubby face, all pouring out profusely.

"No chance." Unger grinned. "This is comedic gold."

Jernigan was watching in awe still, oblivious to the fact he'd let a fair amount of ones rip while he'd been relaxing his butthole muscles, usually he had to tense them all the time to hold them in.

Alice could taste the salty, sticky snot all over her lips and she felt like disgusting snotty little child who didn't know how to clean themselves.

"I'll get one myself!" She huffed, her cheeks red with humiliation as she stormed away to find a tissue.

"At least I didn't do that when I sneezed!" Jernigan laughed, dryly.

"Yes, but you also shitted yourself." Unger reminded him.

Jernigan had totally forgotten and now he saw the rock hard poo he'd done, rolling around like a brown marble.

"I didn't do that! Alice did!" He protested, but it was no use with the telltale burn mark in his pants, right where his butthole was.

"Goddamnit! Get those pants fixed, I can smell your farts even more when they have no cover over them!" Unger gasped as Jernigan let a slinky, slithering eel of a fart slide out of his ass and into the atmosphere, it smelt like rotten fish eggs and mouldy food. It was torturous.

In the other room, Petr piled the bedding into their washing machine, he was reminded of his experience again. Putting the washing into the machine made him feel as if he were a washerwoman.

In amongst the clothes, his hands felt a familiar soft yet firm material in the shape of a cup. He couldn't. Could he?

It was none other than Alice's bra, a silky black one - way more seductive and sensual than the one he'd found in the Alcott's house. This one had lace!

Before he even had the chance to think it through, he was scavenging through all the pieces of clothing to find the matching panties. It was not long before:

"Bingo!" He breathed, his hands clasped around a tiny black thong. There was no way this was fitting over his trousers.

He was going to have to take them off. In a trancelike state, he removed all his clothes and slipped on the bra and panties and he was back!

The panties were so tight, slipping straight into his chasmal crack, rubbing against is raw and tender hole, he felt like he'd never be able to pull it out, it was so deep!

"I'm a pretty lady! All dressed up in satin! I followed my loverboy up to Rome! But I couldn't speak any Latin!" He swayed his hands from side to side as he put one foot out at a time as if he was doing ballet for beginners. 

He attempted a pirouette but his galumphing manly body was not prepared and he ended up falling flat on his massive bottom, his bare ass hitting the cold floor. It stung. It felt like a spanking.

His cock was burning, he loved the feeling of looking like a big pathetic man trying to do ballet in women's clothes but continuously falling on his gargantuan behind. He had no grace. Just two left feet and he felt like he was hauling his huge bum around, as if his bottom was what was causing him to fall each time. 

He imagined once again, an audience of families watching in glee at the big dumb-dumb on stage who thought he could be pretty.

"Oh no! Stop laughing!" He called to no one. "I'm a very pretty lady!"

He reached for the fridge and pulled out a can of squirty cream, putting a pile on the floor and purposefully slipping on it so he tumbled into a great heap on the floor like a big hippo, he just started rolling around now, singing still.

"Tra la la la la! Look at me! Covered in cream! What a big lady! What a big dream!" He hooted and rolled over, exposing his monstrous moon to the air.

"Mr. Beaupre?" Once again Unger had arrived on scene to see the big lolloping mess which was once his respectable and terrifying superior.

"Oh fuck, not this again!" Unger didn't really know what to do. 

"Mr. Unger!" Petr was still in the trance. "Throw some fruit at me! Make me a messy lady!"

"Pardon?" He didn't know whether to laugh or vomit.

"Get some fruit from the fridge and chuck it at my bum! Or I'll have you killed!" Petr said, in complete seriousness.

Unger knew he couldn't say no so he stepped over to the fridge and pulled out some tomatoes from it. 

"Get me dirty! Give my bum a hit! I was a pretty lady! Now I am just some shit!" Petr continued to sing, still unaware of what was really happening, his erection was controlling him now and it would stop at nothing until he came.

Unger chucked a tomato, he winced as it hit the disgusting ass of the criminal and exploded into a filthy pulpy mess that dripped down into his crack.

It only took a couple more before Petr Beaupre had ejaculated everywhere, leaving his a putrid tomato-y mess on the floor. 

"Can I leave now?" Unger couldn't believe this man was the one he'd arrived with, but then again - he wasn't acting himself either, maybe they were all just overtired and weren't coping too well with being outwitted by a kid with an electronic car, that could easily take it's toll on hardcore hitmen.

Petr nodded like a little whore and Unger was about to leave but then disaster struck! He slipped on some of Petr's cum, sliding backwards and eventually toppling on his backside, landing straight on the bottle of squirty cream that Petr had left standing up right.

"AHHH!" Unger yelled as the canister ripped through his pants and fit perfectly into his butthole, his weight pressing down on the switch allowing the whipped cream to pour in masses into his ass.

"Fa la la la - what the fuck?!" Petr had snapped out of his trance, everything around him was a disaster. This had to be a nightmare.

"Get it off me!" This was a strange experience for Unger, it felt positively repulsive having his butt filled with whipped cream, coupled together with the pain of falling on the container in the first place.

Petr acted quickly, his grabbed the bottle and yanked it out but by now it was basically empty anyway.

"I don't know what is wrong with this fucking neighborhood but when I see that boy tomorrow I am gonna snap his puny neck!" Unger was fuming, this whole place was just filled with bad luck. But this wasn't the end, now they were all filled with even more rage - preparing them for what was to come the next day. Despite all that had happened, they still all viewed themselves as hardcore and powerful, deadly criminals, little did they know this was only the beginning of their complete humiliations. Alex gonna show them that this was his town and they were gonna come around here they were gonna have to watch their step.

 

 


	7. You Gotta Go, You Gotta Flow

It was a new day, and maybe this day the bandits wouldn't make utter fools of themselves. But that seemed unlikely. This kid was a crafty little shit, and not one you'd want to mess with, even if you were a most-wanted, highly skilled criminal mastermind!

"Jernigan. Move ya buffalo butt..." Unger sighed, attempting to grab the kettle.

"Can you just not do this?" Jernigan said under his breath. The man barely got a wink of sleep last night and he wasn't exactly in the mood for his team mate's constant remarks.

"Then move your ass!" Unger said. He wanted to get his morning cup of black Joe but Jernigan was in the way doing something on his computer. Probably more important, but who cared.

A swift and sneaky fart escaped Jernigan's asscheeks and Unger had no idea what was coming to him until the awful stench reached his nose.

"Awh holy shit man! You always get your way!" Unger ran out, unable to bear the pungent smell.

 

Today, Alice would be playing the role of a dog walker. She was dressed head to toe in a black, wearing figure hugging pants and a black sweater. Earlier Petr had stolen a dog and it sure was a huge one. 

Petr sat on the couch, his mind kept returning to the scene he caused yesterday. Though at the moment, the most important thing should be getting hold of the chip! Petr wished he could raid the house while dressed up as a stupid sissy. That would make the experience so much more rewarding. He shook his head trying to make the thought leave him. He was Petr Beaupre! An internationally wanted criminal who the police had been searching for for seven years. He wouldn't let a few humiliating mishaps make him lose his arrogance. 

The dog ran up to Petr and began to comedically hump his leg.

"Looks like that dog's taken a liking to you." Unger laughed. 

Petr blushed and tried to shake the dog off him. He hoped none of his inferiors would notice the redness appearing on his once composed face. The dog, however, wouldn't seem to budge. It then jumped up and bit the man right in the crotch causing him to howl out in pain.  The dog joined in with him, howling and crying. Petr felt like an absolute halfwit. He couldn't believe the dog did that. His private parts were now sore and sensitive. And it was only 5 in the morning.

"Get down, you filthy mutt!" Alice said, defensively pushing the dog away from her boss.

"Hey, the dog wasn't finished. This is the funniest thing I've seen in years." Unger said.

"Who do you think you're looking at, you pervert?" Alice asked the long haired idiot.

"Not you. You're not my type. I prefer my chicks more.. Well endowed." Unger said. Alice turned her head, offended that she was below even Unger's standards. That was just a slight blow to her confidence, though. Unger probably only liked useless bimbos.

"What exactly is going on here?" Jernigan asked the rest of his team of bandits. They were truly the brain, the brawn, the beauty and the big bad boss.

"You don't even deserve to know." Alice spat maliciously at Jernigan. Her words pierced through Jernigan like an arrow. He couldn't believe she was telling him how worthless he was, how utterly useless. How did this woman have the nerve? She even considered the brainless brute Unger as more worthy. Had he not been in front of people, he may have let loose and started crying like the wounded little baby he was. That was only adding to the fact that Unger had called him 'Buffalo butt' earlier. His butt wasn't that big... Was it?

 

The gang of crooks hopped in to Jernigan's car. Unger was dreading spending time cramped up in a small space with both Jernigan AND Petr. It was the stuff of nightmares. 

"We've been in the car for two seconds and it already smells like shit." Unger sighed. 

"Get used to it. It's just rotten food that YOU left in the car." Jernigan said through gritted teeth. Unger rolled his eyes in disbelief. Yeah... Sure it was food. And Petr wasn't a dirty rotten crook!

In the front of the car sat Petr and Jernigan, the gassiest members of the team, and in the backseat sat Alice, Unger and the big old dog.

Jernigan accidentally released a belch that could've come from an elephant and the dog barked back at him, as though he was trying to start a conversation. The rest of the criminals chose not to comment on the situation.

"Is that smell the dog, or is it just Unger's B.O?" Alice asked, a passive aggressive tone in her voice.

"I'd say it's a combination of the two." Jernigan replied, hoping to regain some respect from the only female member.

"I sweat when I'm nervous. Sue me." Unger said nonchalantly.

"That's vile! Who let me sit with these two dogs?" Alice cried.

"Oh so you're saying you'd rather sit next to the guy who probably just shat his pants?" Unger asked.

 

"I'm looking in your big brown eye, Girl I wanna make you sweat, sweat til you can't sweat no more, and if you cry out, I'm gonna push it, push it some more!" The radio played the familiar reggae tune. The criminals all fidgeted nervously as they listened to the lyrics, each of them being reminded of a personal experience they'd rather forget.

To attempt to lighten the atmosphere, Unger started to sing along. Though he couldn't help getting flashbacks of how the cop violated him. Jernigan was twitching in his seat, vaguely enjoying the lyrics but at the same time feeling very uncomfortable.

"This song is pretty good." Unger said to no one in particular.

The car stopped and Alice began to get out of the car, picking up the leash and tugging at the dog. 

"What, ya never walked a dog before?" Unger asked. Alice didn't reply.

 

The young woman began to head towards the home of the little twit, struggling slightly with the mutt's almighty power. At least it wasn't Jernigan walking the dog, that weak doofus would be dragged along the ground within seconds. Alice laughed to herself thinking about how insignificant Burton Jernigan was in the scheme of things. She was embarrassed to even be working on the same team as him. He was so disgustingly incompetent and pathetic. And that Unger wasn't much better himself, he may as well have been a circus clown because he always put on an idiotic show with everything he attempted to do. Petr was the only one who was even remotely worthy of working with her.

Back in the car, the three men sat. Unger was suffering being cramped up in a car with those lunatics. He grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and lit it in an attempt to de-stress and masked the unholy smells Jernigan was producing.

"Don't do that in the car." Jernigan turned his head to face Unger. 

"Oh I'm sorry. You want it to smell like shit in here." Unger replied to him in an irritated fashion. Unger could see Jernigan's eyes widen in anger. Jernigan had had it with the shit and fart comments from Unger. Jernigan grabbed a bottle of water and emptied it all over Unger.

"WHAT THE FUCK, JERNIGAN!?" Unger yelled, looking down at his soaked body. Jernigan turned away, a smug grin growing on his clean shaven face while Unger continued to rage. Jernigan viewed himself as much more composed and self assured than Unger. Unger was just an idiotic knucklehead who was only good for heavy things. Jernigan was a genius in his own mind. A quick thinking, hard working genius.

 

Alice began to make her way towards the Pruitt's front door. She was gonna get that car back and no pesky little rugrat was getting in her way. 

 


	8. With A Little Bit Of This and A Little Bit Of That

"Approaching target. All clear." Alice spoke into the walkie talkie, her voice as cold and poised as ever. 

 

Alex peered out the window. Who did these bandits think they were? They were nothing but dumb old villains, and he was gonna give them their just desserts. He could see the familiar young woman heading towards his front porch.

"Bandits!" The parrot screeched, flapping his wings "They're bandits."

"You're right." Alex giggled, rubbing his hands together in a classic scheming fashion. Yesterday Alex had worked out that it wasn't the car these idiots were after, it was in fact a little suspicious looking chip inside the car. 

"Here we go, Doris." Alex pulled out a drawer and grabbed a little silver whistle. While keeping his eyes on the calm and collected femme fatale outside, he blew into it causing an extremely high pitched whistling sound to come out. It was a noise too high for human ears to even notice.

The big, ginger dog's head perked up in interest and he made a little yelping sound. Alice was suddenly tugged as the dog bounded uncontrollably towards the noise. She stumbled left and right, struggling to maintain her grip on the unruly beast. She had no clue about the smug little hero who was currently watching her mishaps play out from his bedroom window. Alice eventually managed to retain her pace and continued to head to the door.

 

Back in the car, Petr, Unger and Jernigan sat patiently waiting for a response from their female teammate. 

"Switching on the fiber optics." The men heard through the walkie talkie. The screen of Jernigan's laptop went static for a moment but quickly began to give them a live viewing of the situation from Alice's point of view.

The three male members kept their eyes on the screen as they watched Alice press the doorbell and stand waiting for a response. Jernigan released a waferish fart in anticipation. 

 

"Are we certain target has not left?" Alice spoke clearly but not too loudly into the microphone. 

"Negative. We would've seen that." She heard Unger's unmistakable nasal voice answer her.

The dog seemed to be very restless and kept making agitated noises. Alice was slightly confused since she couldn't hear anything but didn't bother to think on it for too long. It's not like she'd had much experience with dogs. Alice looked around for any sign of life in the house. Where could they possibly be?

"I repeat: there is no movement inside." Alice spoke. "Permission to enter?"

In a matter of seconds after she told them, the dog began to charge towards something unknown. Alice yelped in shock as she fell to the floor, her ass hitting the cold, hard concrete. The leash was now tied around her ankles and the woman was truly powerless as the barking menace of a mutt dragged her along the snow covered ground. She grimaced in pain and screamed as the dog went his own way. He wasn't playing by her rules anymore.  Prickly bushes were getting caught on her hair, clothing, pretty much everywhere! Her camera-glasses had come off her face leaving the men in the car with a view of something they were unable to make out. 

The dog broke free of her and ran off into the distance. Alice was left a defeated mess on the floor. Her beautiful face sunken into the snow, her hair a total wreck, grass and twigs everywhere on her body. She stood up, trying to regain her calm and collected attitude. The woman noticed her hat on the floor and bent down to pick it up, when suddenly she heard a cartoonishly loud sound of fabric ripping. She gasped in surprise. The fabric of her black pants had ripped revealing her lacy red panties to the world. This was so indecent! She couldn't believe this disgraceful situation was happening to someone as elegant and skilled as her. 

"I need assistance." Alice hesitantly spoke into the mic. "I'm exposed..."

 "Maintain your position." Jernigan replied. "Do not, I repeat do not draw attention to yourself." She couldn't believe that this slobbering beast of a dog had put her in a situation where she seemed more stupid than Jernigan and Unger. Jernigan seemed to be speaking in a condescending tone to her... How dare he! 

Alice put her hat and glasses back on clumsily and pulled at her sweater. She was utterly in awe at the whole situation. She could just imagine Unger and Jernigan laughing their asses off at her misfortune.

"Pick her up. We'll move in after the storm hits... Let Mother Nature cover our tracks." Petr instructed Jernigan.

"Mother nature..." Unger scoffed under his breath. 

The buffoonish villains drove round to where Alice was standing. The woman in front of them looked so unlike the sophisticated Alice Ribbons they knew. She looked utterly ridiculous! Her hat was wonkily placed on her head, she was covered in snow and random things. Unger resisted the urge to burst out laughing. Jernigan was just relishing in the fact that he wasn't the butt of the joke for once. Petr kept his professional demeanor but deep down he found it quite sexy.

 

Petr and his stooges had made their way to the house they had been staying in. They hopped out of the car and began to walk in. 

Jernigan could feel his cold, protruding nipples rubbing against the fabric of his undershirt. They were as hard as rock and the man hoped they weren't visible from the outside.  

The gang turned round in unison when they heard the sound of an unfamiliar cough behind them. They turned to see a little old lady with a look of disapproval on her face. It was the old lady from the airport! It was Mrs. Hess!

"It's the old broad! From the airport!" Unger said. 

"And what do you scumbags think you're doing in my lovely neighborhood?" The woman said, a look on her face seemed to tell them she knew they were up to no good "You're a bunch of crooks, and I'm gonna give you what's coming to ya."

"What gives you that idea?" Alice hissed.

Before the criminals had much time to respond to Mrs. Hess, the scene had already begun to unfold. It was like something out of a crazy action movie. Mrs. Hess lifted her supposedly frail leg and hit Petr right in the jaw, sending the threatening man to the floor in an instant. Another karate chop followed as Jernigan toppled over, weak and feeble in comparison to this justice do-er. She span with such swift accuracy and in seconds Unger was on the floor, writhing in pain. What seemed like a simple kick sent Alice flying meters back. Mrs. Hess smiled as she looked at all the damage she'd caused the meddling crooks.

"What the fuck? You crazy bitch!" Unger tried to get up but was instantly kicked back down.

Mrs. Hess walked over to Petr. The grown man and incredibly dangerous criminal had been reduced to a pile of cowardice on the floor. Mrs. Hess felt around for his underwear and eventually got hold of it. She yanked it with an almighty force causing Petr to shriek like a little baby girl. It was a wedgie of insane proportions. He never thought in his entire career that he'd end up with an elderly woman giving him a terribly painful wedgie but here he was. Petr could feel the fabric of his briefs on his sensitive bunghole. He was so powerless in the hands of Mrs. Hess. She had managed to pick him up and she hung him on a branch of a tree with his underwear. Petr could only imagine the awful skidmarks that would be left on his underwear after this encounter. The fabric of the pants was now digging deeper into his raw asshole. Petr was utterly humiliated!

Then Mrs. Hess began to make her way over to the quivering Jernigan who had watched this situation play out in front of his eyes. The man was scared shitless and sat there frozen in shock. 

"Please don't hurt me!" He managed to say through as his jaw was jittering like crazy. 

"Mrs. Hess doesn't make promises for dirty crooks!" She pulled Jernigan up from the ground by the back of his jacket and pulled his pants down revealing his underwear to anyone nearby. She grabbed a lipstick from her purse and shoved it far up the hacker's ass. He could feel the firm but creamy product in his inflamed rectum. It was also covered in chili! Jernigan hopped around, his ass itching in agony. It felt like a fire had been lit inside his buffalo butt. 

"Oo! Ouch!" Jernigan screamed hopping around aimlessly. Mrs. Hess stood laughing, a sadistic grin appearing on her face. 

Unger was the next villain to be victimized by the crazy Mrs. Hess. She pulled a belt from her bag and began to spank Unger with an unbeatable force. She didn't plan on stopping til his ass was bruised. The leather of the belt violently slapped Unger's behind. Unger lay miserably on the ground in defeat. He didn't stand a chance. 

Jernigan had just then tripped over onto the air hose that had broken off his car and the nossel went straight into his asshole almost perfectly. Air began to race into his body at an unimaginable speed as the air began to fill his body like a human balloon. 

"Guys... Help!" Jernigan tried to grab the attention of his fellow crooks but it was no use.

Jernigan's buttocks were like beach balls as the air rapidly filled up his entire body. He felt so helpless as he watched his body grow in front of his very eyes. He was almost double his size now. He felt absolutely ridiculous sitting there like a human beachball or a Michellin man. His skin felt tight as though it were about to burst. Suddenly he felt it come to an end. Alice had pulled out the hose and was suppressing a laugh as she saw how silly Jernigan looked. His belly had expanded to twice the size it normally was and his cheeks were all puffed up like those of a hamster. Jernigan only managed to groan a 'thank you' to his team mate. 

 Alice had managed to hit Mrs. Hess with her taser gun and the old woman was now in a defeated heap on the floor. Alice had managed to knock her unconscious with a kick to the head and carried her over to their shed. 

Jernigan could feel the air leave his body rapidly once the hose had been taken out. He farted hesitantly just to make it easier on his body. Unger burst out laughing at the villainously loud fart that had escaped Jernigan's caboose.

"You were like a human balloon." Unger laughed at the other man who was laying on the frosty porch. Jernigan just scowled in response. 

Petr was still hanging in the tree. He looked like a total lunatic. His pants were embarrassingly skidmarked and the look of utter defeat was visible on his face.

 

Although this situation was somewhat of a disaster, the criminal gang all remained thinking highly of themselves and this was like a mere scratch in the scheme of things. 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Back at their base, the criminal crew were busying themselves with the big plan. Today was the day and the time was right. They'd made a couple blunders here and there but this was only the beginning, they knew where the chip was and the only person standing in their way was a pathetic little boy who had no clue what was coming his way.

"I can't believe that old broad beat the shit out of you guys." Unger said, the first to speak of the recent incident.

"Mr. Unger, did you get concussion and forget you were involved too?" Alice said, Mrs Hess had gone batshit crazy, she was a force to reckoned with but no longer was this true. Now she was tied up in her own garage, tightly bound and gagged, left alone to her slow demise by the cold chills of the blizzard. Irony at it's finest - a fitting death for her icy, frost-bitten demeanor, a woman only Alex could see the good in.

"Yeah, you got spanked by that hag!" Jernigan piped up, as did his bum - doing a perfect impersonation of a trumpet. "To be honest, you got it the worst!"

This was the first time that Alice and Unger had exchanged a look that said nothing except "What the fuck is this idiot on about?!"

"Jernigan, you inflated." Unger cut threw his words like a knife to butter.

"Yeah. I can't believe I'm agreeing with this asshole but you actually inflated full of air. What happened to us was child's play." Alice said, she hated to admit it but Unger had a point.

Jernigan felt and looked like a wounded deer, shot by the very man which once nurtured and fed him. A crippling fart gasped and snuck out in shame.

"Y-you still got your asses kicked." Jernigan murmured, softly, trying to ease his way back to a winning argument. No chance.

"Pretty sure that bitch must've ex-military, you can never tell with birds." Unger desperately thought of excuses as to how he'd been beaten by a woman of that age. "Otherwise, I would've fucked her up, even if she was ex-military. She just caught me off guard."

"You must always be on guard." Jernigan scolded him, his voice monotone and sounding less and less human with every syllable.

"Is that how you managed to get that air hose up your asshole?" Unger reminded him of how the tube had shot through his fickle hole and filled him with pure air.

"All of you, silence, we only have an hour before we begin." Petr stared at them all, adam's apple bobbing. "But on the topic, Mr. Unger, may I remind you it was only yesterday that you fell on a canister of squirty cream."

Unger left the room quickly.

Jernigan leaned back, feeling smug, proud and relaxed, enough to let his butthole muscles relax, a big mistake.

"Oooh!" He mumbled, under his breath, as he felt a new feeling, a dribble  of something had expelled itself from inside him.

Liquid shit. 

Meanwhile, Petr Beaupre was feeling very confident in himself, there was no way they could fail against this puny prick, he was nothing but a grimy bastard, and he was an internationally wanted criminal that nobody - not even the FBI - could ever catch. This time was not going to be different.

Once the time had come and the snow fall had picked up, they piled into the van, Jernigan at the wheel as usual. For some reason, his shoes felt unusually tight. He felt his toes gasping for air, begging to be released from their prison, they had to escape.

The tightness on his toes turned to tightness in his crotch as his now growing erection pushed against the fabric of his snowsuit. 

"Hey, Jernigan, have you got a fuckin' boner?" Unger held back laughter at the pathetic man's expense.

"I have not!" Jernigan sounded like a whiny baby. 

"Yes you have!" Unger felt disgusted by the useless hacker, and that was saying something, he hated to imagine what caused it.

"Mr. Jernigan, stay on task." Petr said, coldly.

"I bet you shit your pants again and got turned on." Unger suggested, watching the driver begin to squirm as he hit the nail on the head.

Alice shivered thinking of this scenario, little did she know it was true. The thought of anything as disgusting as that tore into her pampered thoughts.

Jernigan stopped the car, the sudden halt causing more viscous excrement to leak from his hole to his immense embarrassment but also pleasure, he twitched a little.

"I heard it that time, you nutjob!" Unger shamed the diarrhea-ridden man once again.

Jernigan stood up in the van, crouching awkward in a gangling mess as he tried to seem hardcore. He was bent over and his massive butt was being shoved in Petr's face. He clambered into the back, a clammy, shitty disaster, trying desperately to seem threateningly but now rubbing his crap-stained suit in Alice's face, he just looked a fool.

He just seemed so tall and unfitting - like a clumsy giraffe, he was stumbling everywhere, falling on the seat and getting up again repeatedly until he finally managed to grab Unger by the collar of his snowsuit.

He opened the door with his other hand and threw the larger man out into the blizzard.

Now it was time to get back into the front seat, it was so claustrophobic with Jernigan standing up. Alice was pressed up against the side of the car as Jernigan swiveled his unbelievably ginormous arse around to try and position himself into  the driver's seat.

Finally after so much uncomfortable and sweaty shuffling, he sat down with a deafening fart that shook the car like an earthquake. It was so hollow and brassy, you could tell by sound that it was a dry one - surprisingly.

Out in the cold, Earl Unger had been thrown violently. He'd hit the ground with a thud worthy of the dull noise of Jernigan's most recent gas.

He lay in the snow for a minute, winded and unable to comprehend the pain, he already felt like he was bruising somehow. It was such a intense feeling of sudden pain, the snow had not softened the blow in anyway. If he had thought being beaten up by an old woman was bad enough, being overpowered by the scrawny, feeble hacker that was Burton Jernigan was on a whole other level of things he'd never be able to live down.

Once he'd recovered from the initial impact, he soon became filled with anger and rage. Jernigan had stank up the van many a times, he'd even shat in it on multiple occasions but he had never been kicked out. All he did was point out Jernigan's perverse behavior and he'd been manhandled by the galumphing shithead himself.

Unger jumped up, he was gonna find that son-of-a-bitch and he was gonna beat the living shit out of him, and with a shit-filled guy like Jernigan - this seemed possible in a literal sense. There was always poop to spare in his rectum.

As he had gotten up in a quite aggressive manner, there was a mistake to be made. He had managed to inhale too much air and it had become caught in his windpipe, launching him into a pathetic coughing fit.

The highly dangerous criminal had been temporarily incapacitated by none other than oxygen itself. It was pitiful. He was left hacking and wheezing on floor, praying the fit would be over as he continued to choke on any air he managed to breath in. 

After a little time had passed, the coughing began to ease up but the moment he managed to stand again, he was overcome once again with the coughs. The air really had gone the wrong way down.  He desperately needed someone to pat him on the back. 

Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him and was greeted by the sight of a rather scabby looking alley cat that was nonetheless quite large and stocky. What a way to make him even more furious. Unger hated cats, Their stupid little whiskers and claws were some of the most infuriating things in the world for him. The anger towards the feline distracted him from the need to cough and cured him instantly.

Feeling as though he needed to regain some of his reputation, he felt the overwhelming desire to kick the cat. There was murder in his eyes, This fucking cat was asking for it, licking it's ears like it owned the place.

Before he could act upon his desires, the alleycat had leapt forward in a manic fashion and landed on back of the villainous man. Unger could've strangled it right there and then as it's furry body collided with his.It was unnaturally strong. It pushed himdown into the snow, shoving his raging face into the icy cold, leaving him in a position ready to be taken up the ass.

The cat was a cat and therefore needed no time to strip itself of the restraints of clothing before it scratched through Unger's snowsuit and launched it's feline cock into the man's asshole.

Unger didn't know what to do, was he being raped by a cat?! 

The cat's penis was small in size but was strangely human. Unger tried to pull it off but it's long legs kept them both on the floor. It was meowing in extreme pleasure as Unger swore violently attempting to throw it off somehow. This had to be the most humiliating thing that he'd ever endured. 

How was a cat so strong? This wasn't right! This was against the laws of nature!

"How the fuck is this happening?!" He thought to himself as the cat continued to penetrate his asshole like he was a slut off the street. He knew he was strong, how was a cat doing this?!

He felt beyond mortified as the cat continued it's rampage, the fact it's cock was so tiny made the whole experience all the more humiliating. 

Finally the felonious feline ejaculated and fell back in delight. Now was his chance, his legs shaking as he felt in the urge to vomit, he picked the cat up by the scruff of it's neck and launched it for miles, it was dead from just the velocity alone - there was no doubt about it.

Although he felt violated, to him, it didn't feel like rape - after all it was an animal. Despite this, he felt intensely repulsed. How could this happen to him? He was a hardcore criminal and it was a mangy cat!

The satisfaction of the cat's painful death gave him a slight boost to his wounded ego. He was going to go out of his way to hurt that fucking kid when he saw him, it was his fault he'd had to put up with that and he was going to pay.

"He's gonna fuckin' pay alright." Unger snarled, he could just imagine the kid's regret as he realized he messed with wrong people. 

"Jesus fucking Christ! Now I'm gonna have to find those idiots." He continued to mutter aloud to himself as he trudged, still in a limbo between humiliated and enraged, towards to other buffoons in the van.

While this ordeal had gone down, the criminals in the van had decided to just wait for Unger to catch them up further down the street - after all he was carrying some of the needed equipment on him so they couldn't continue without him. They needed to have him chop down the road sign, so they could park in the entrance to the neighbourhood, blocking it and therefore tricking the police into believing it was the start of a drive rather than a road. They even had a letterbox to put up to add to the effect, in this blizzard - anyone would be fooled, especially the cops.

"Why the hell did you kick him out?" Alice scowled at Jernigan. "Now you've set the mission back! Think next time before you act."

There was an uncomfortable silence that was soon filled by a prolonged squeaking noise as if someone was releasing air from a pool floatie. Except, of course, this wasn't what they were hearing, it was squeaky, bubbly, crackling whine coming from the massive buttocks of Petr Beaupre.

There was more silence as Petr realized what he'd done. He'd let one rip. In a closed space. With his inferiors.

He should've just blamed Jernigan or blamed it on a cheap carseat but he was so overcome by the humiliation of it all that he reverted to his sissy self.

"What a palooza! Do not despair! I did not plop! I just released air!" He sang, dancing in his seat. He had no clue what he was doing but he couldn't stop in his trance-like state. "Tra la la la la! Fa la la la la! Pretty ladies can fart too! What do you think we do in loo?"

Alice was dumbstruck, how could HER BOSS be doing this? This imbecile was in charge of HER? It was degrading for her.

Jernigan let a pulpy one out in fear, had their respectable boss gone mad?

"A big old lady just like me, just never do more than her Qs and Ps, but oh look at me! What do you see? A great big lady who did a bum sneeze!"  With that he snapped out of it. 

In amidst the confused silence that occurred afterwards, Unger reached the car door and opened it. 

"I'm so glad you were kind enough to wait for me after you threw me out of the van." His nasally voice broke the silence, sarcastic as can be.

Jernigan didn't even try and respond, which was unusual. 

Unger looked at the others strangely, "Why don't you tone it down a notch, I can hardly get a word in edge ways."

More silence.

"Come on, what the fuck happened? Did I miss the second coming of God or something?" Unger continued with his snarky comments.

"I-I don't know." Jernigan mumbled, he was truly lost for words. 

"Mr. Unger get in the car! We have wasted enough time, we must be quick with the next part of our mission!" Petr ordered, back to his usual commanding self.

This was it, the next step in the vital mission. They were ready to show Alex that he was worthy of none of their criminal skills. They still saw themselves as respectable, hardcore, powerful villains who could take down anything and it seemed nothing would ever stop their arrogance.

 

 


	10. Push it, push it some more

"Crooks at 30 yards and closing!" Alex's pet parrot announced, keeping the young hero up to date on these outlaws that planned on messing with his neighborhood. 

"Let the party begin." The parrot said with the smuggest tone that a parrot was capable of. Jernigan and Unger were entering the house through the back gate. The looks on their faces told anyone that they were not people to be messed with and they were gonna get shit done. On the other side of the building, Alice and Petr were pretending to be a couple who had recently moved in. They would've been quite a crazy couple had they actually been together. The young, attractive Alice with the blubbery brute of a man, Petr Beaupre. Unrealistic!

Alex glanced out the window, making sure he was aware of his surroundings. The pint sized paladin then proceeded to take a look at the TV screen and saw Jernigan and Unger wander arrogantly yet cautiously into his back garden. 

"Faggots!" The parrot squawked bobbing his head up and down.

"Who taught you that? Stan better stop teaching you bad words..." Alex sighed. 

 

"Looks like that little rugrat has the place locked up pretty tight." The long haired man spoke into the walkie talkie, his distinct nasal voice piercing Jernigan's ears at the receiving end.

Little to his knowledge, Alex was laughing away to himself. This idiot seemed so prepared, but he had no idea what was in store for him.

Jernigan was walking through the other gate. He felt his snowsuit was a little tight around his ass but he wouldn't dare complain. It would be a humiliating and useless waste of time. Jernigan had been a little conscious of the size of his butt recently after Unger had been making snide remarks and he'd had a little trouble squeezing it into some pants he bought not too long ago.

"Jernigan I think I'm gonna enjoy this..." Unger chuckled into the mic looking down at the non-threatening looking red string which had a 'DANGER' sign stuck to it. It was embarrassingly unconvincing and undoubtedly made by a kid with a red marker and Unger couldn't believe this kid would think he'd actually fall for it. What a little dipshit! 

"It's been a long time since I was a kid. You forget how incredibly stupid they are." Unger said cockily. He was so unaware what some kids were capable of.

Jernigan on the other side laughed at the thought of Earl Unger as a kid. He probably didn't act much different. That bastard would never grow up.

"Well you be careful." Jernigan jokingly warned his partner "Sometimes when kids get scared they wet their pants." 

Without thinking for even a second, Jernigan took a seat on the white plastic garden chair next to him. Before he knew it electrical bolts were shooting into his body at an alarming rate. His screams were distorted from the shaking and shocking he was receiving. Why would these people even own that? Though there was no time to ask questions when the blue-eyed hacker's ass was being destroyed on the spot. He felt a familiar warm sensation around his groin as he realized HE'D wet his pants in fear. There was now piss all over his suit and it was causing more sparks to fly. His buttcheeks felt numb and tingly at the same time they felt burning hot. A fizzing sensation spread throughout his entire body. His bunghole was numb and must've been a deep shade of red. Sometimes, that's what a dirty rotten crook deserves. It was so humiliating and Jernigan could feel the electricity run through his cock making it twitch in agony. The shock was so intense Jernigan couldn't even form words. He was just stuck on the chair looking like a loony idiot from a cartoon. Jernigan was utterly mortified.

Meanwhile Unger began to cut into the red string and much to his surprise he felt his body jolt as the wire began to spark like crazy. Ridiculous high pitched nasal sounds escaped his mouth as his body was jittering around and vibrating. The sensation was like nothing he'd ever felt before... Okay, strike that, it was vaguely reminiscent of when he was violated by the bulky cop. Sparks of bright light were flying everywhere and smoke was surrounding him. The shocks seemed to shooting into him rapidly as he twinged in pain. The man could barely breathe as his body was shook uncontrollably. 

Jernigan was still yodeling like a madman as his body was rocked back and forth. There were bangs and crashes coming from all directions as the man was flung to the wall hitting it with a painstaking force then flying back on to the chair. He felt his pants grow warmer as more piss left his body and spurted out. He really felt like the butt of the joke after making that snarky comment about kids wetting their pants. Oh how the tables had turned! This was just so unforgivably degrading and his hatred for this little kid was growing stronger by the second. Jernigan was once again thrown at the wall and he farted from the sheer force of hitting the wall.

"Yeowww!" He screamed, smashing into the wooden board and sliding down ungracefully. He felt like a galumphing idiot.

Unger was still being shocked into oblivion. It felt as though his blood was bubbling and boiling as the blazing shockwaves rushed through his entire being. More stupidly high noises of pain came out of him as his long dark hair shot up in a slapstick fashion. His facial expressions were absolutely absurd as he juddered around. The shockwaves somehow found a way to cut a hole in his jumpsuit, showing off his big butt only covered by his underwear to anyone who cared. Now he kinda understood how Alice must've felt after her indecent adventure earlier. This was the kind of situation that would make even Earl Unger feel humiliated and demeaned. 

Eventually Unger's glove fell off and the shocking came to an end. Or so he thought.

"Mr. Unger..." Petr spoke into the microphone, concerned at whatever unprofessional antics his underling was getting up to.

"Aghhhhh." A prolonged moan of excruciating pain was released from Unger's mouth to regain his dignity.

"Pfffffttt!" As he bent down to pick up his equipment, Unger pooted! He didn't have any other choice than to just let it happen, but much to his surprise the electricity began to spark again, making a show of his fart and burning his toasted butt even more.

On the other end, Petr stood waiting for a reply. 

"I'm alright." Unger reluctantly replied in a girly voice.

 

Jernigan was still laying on the ground in defeat. But he wouldn't give up just yet. He gradually began to lift himself off the ground. His big pair of buttocks felt like they were on fire and much like his teammate, Jernigan's suit had also been ripped at the rear end. His underwear was now on show, practically inviting anyone in. He felt like a toasted marshmallow in his puffy snowsuit. The extra padding may have protected his bum a little, but he couldn't really tell. He shook his head as though he was in denial of the little mishap he'd just got into. Another spark flew and he tumbled back on to the floor with a crash, a feminine scream left his mouth and he released some gas. Jernigan had a habit of farting when he was scared. He didn't want to admit that it had made him jump but the rancid gas that had been released said otherwise. Something else might've popped out as well!

Unger's face was the image of murderous rage as he exhaled in pure anger. Completely pissed off at the situation, Unger impulsively ran towards the door, hopping over the wires. He felt his big feet become unsteady as he started to fall backwards. He was rolling along comedically trying to maintain balance and not fall flat. The marbles beneath him seemed to be carrying him over to the door as he pathetically waved his arms all over the place. His face smashed into the door with a painful crunch and he fell backwards. The pain Unger felt was indescribable as he fell backwards onto the marbles. Each little ball digging deep into his skin and each one would be sure to leave a mark. Unger's big nose faced  upwards towards the sky as stupid, pained noises came out of his mouth.

Unger looked up to see Petr Beaupre himself peering down on him, a disappointed expression on his face. 

"Mr. Unger. What are you doing?" Petr asked the bumbling idiot on the floor. Unger felt so degraded having Petr literally look down at him like he was a piece of shit on the floor. 

"Don't touch the yarn..." Unger warned his senior, not really knowing what else to say. "It's wired."

"You look a mess, Mr. Unger." Petr said, suppressing a laugh as to not break his professional and cold demeanor. He could see the younger man scowl at him. Petr felt great, he was seen as threatening!

"Kids got the place booby trapped." Unger explained while Petr violently unplugged the wires and threw them to the side. Unger held back the urge to laugh at the word 'booby', being the slightly immature guy he was. And in a situation like this, it just seemed so comical!

"Make no assumptions." Petr said to Unger. Unger could hear the superiority dripping from his words as his boss walked over to him. This was an act of degradation and he knew it!

"Watch the welcome mat..." Unger told Petr. But after he spoke he could tell Petr had already kept this kind of thing in mind and there was no reason to give instructions to someone as experienced as Petr Beaupre.

"This boy is clever." A sense of curiosity in Petr's thick Russian accent. He was interested to see what the little brat was capable of. "Have you tried the door?"

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

"Not yet." Unger replied, rubbing his bruised back, he thought the question had been a rather stupid, at what point between being electrocuted and skidding on marbles had he had time to "try the door". 

"Let me point something out to you," Petr ran his fingers up the wire which carried on up from the handle towards the roof, even though he was wearing thick gloves, the wire felt so powerful on his skin and he felt slightly submissive towards it but obviously he wasn't about to let this show. 

"Missed that." Unger's eyes followed the string up to where a massive dumbbell was lying in wait. 

"Stand clear." Petr ordered, a condescending tone present in his voice as he unleashed a switch blade and slit the wire in sleek motion. Now he had overpowered the wire but this was slightly disappointing to him as he'd secretly enjoyed it's earlier domination of him.

The two criminals felt satisfied with their work and believed they now had the upper hand, little did they know Alex had predicted they would notice the wire and the cutting of the wire had instead triggered a new trap.

"Maybe he is not so clever." Petr said, smugly, but it was no maybe to him, he believed the kid was just a dumbass who got lucky so far. And after all, he'd only tricked Unger and he was an idiot.

"I just think we're having an off day." Unger excused his earlier mistakes, he still couldn't believe he'd actually fallen for the red wire - why hadn't he just been cautious and stepped over it? That would've saved him from humiliation.

Suddenly there was the sound of glass being obliterated as a trunk full of books shot through the upstairs window and came soaring down below, it smashed into the villains and sent them flying back down the steps onto the cold, hard ground.

They both landed in a painful pile of books. Petr flipped and writhed, flopping around like a fish out of water. His buttocks rubbing ferociously as he wriggled back and forth. His belly wobbled as he continued rolling around in all the books. It was evident that he'd let a fishy one slip from impact as the stink filled the air, his squirming did nothing to hide it as he wafted the air around with his body.

Unger groaned and grumbled. This just added to the immense pain in his back, there was no way he was gonna get out of this without bruising and to make it worse, all he could smell was the rotten fish scented bum-giggle from Petr's crack.

 "Did you just...?" He managed between moans of excruciating pain.

"Did I just what, Mr. Unger?" Petr had stopped writhing around and turned to look at his disgusted subordinate.

"Don't worry about it." Unger sighed, deciding it was probably not a good idea to bring up the noxious fumes that Petr had emitted.

"No, no, why don't you continue your questioning." Petr stared at him with knowing eyes.

"I was just gonna ask if you... you just.... said something." Unger tried, he was starting to realise he didn't even want confirmation that his boss had done a stink that bad.

"Lies." Petr corrected him. "You were about to ask if I had done a flatulent. The answer is no, it was you."

"How the fuck was that me?!" Unger was outraged, it was obvious the fart was Petr's!

"You think I would ever do something like that?" Petr replied, his voice threatening.

Unger's mind flashed back to the past few days and all the things he'd caught Petr doing and he wanted to say "yes" but he knew if he did he'd probably get the beaten the shit out of.

"Not really." He said, instead.

"Exactly, it was you." Petr regretted standing up as let another one rip in the process, this one smelling more like rotten sweetcorn.

"At least blame it on a blocked drain next time." Unger scowled, he couldn't believe this was even a conversation he was having with his boss - the famous Petr Beaupre!

Meanwhile, Burton Jernigan was using two snowballs to soothe his toasty bum cheeks. They really were boiling hot, they felt as though he was sitting on a grill. The snowballs sizzled as if the heat from his ginormous heaving ass was melting them and boiling them, could they be that hot?

At this point, he didn't know what his burning butt was capable of and this scared him, scared him enough to force a pipsqueak of a bottom belch out from his grilled glutes.

"Unger, what is your status?" He said into his high tech walkie talkie.

He felt really unbalanced and wobbly and had wanted to sound professional to his fellow criminal, something that hadn't been achieved - he'd been let down by the shaky sound of his voice and a wavering, pitiful toot from his hole that had been let out during the transmission/

He heard nothing from the other and continued to look around. 

"Unger? Unger?" There was no reply as he walked towards his impending doom.

Suddenly he felt something touch him. Immediately, he launched himself into karate mode, placing his hands in what thought was a threatening stance.

"Hoo-wa!" He sounded so dorky and cartoonish as he tried to ward off the invisible force, turning around to try and spy whoever had touched him, a look of uncertainty and fear on his face. 

Then he noticed it, some metal had spiked into his snowsuit and had attached him to some wire, he followed the wire up into the air, tugging at it slightly. Then he made the mistake of yanking it in a reckless fashion.

Alex had rigged it up to the sprinkler and hose system, so the pulling of the wire would turn them on and attack whatever crook was stupid enough to fall into his trap.

Water spurted out, freezing, ice cold water cascading onto him, it's high pressure painful as well.

"Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!" He gasped as the water engulfed him, he tried to push through it's power and reach for the switch.

He looked a sight, soaked to the skin and gaping like a goldfish, nothing like a professional criminal should. 

When he did switch it off, another one turned on! But this one was worse, it was directed right at his crotch, a powerful spurt of water shot at his dick which was barely protected by his snowsuit and the powerful hose drenched him through.

Then he felt a strange sensation, the water was filling up his snowsuit! It rose up to his belt, only filling the pants section of his suit, his legs look massive and jellyish and once again he'd been reduced to a disproportionate Michellin Man. 

"Ahhhhhh!" He exclaimed as his bum was exposed to the frosty liquid. He was so wobbly and jellyish filled with the water, he could walk anywhere without looking like even more of an utter fool. He felt so embarrassed to look so idiotic while on a serious mission, he doubted any of the others were facing such difficulties.

His butt let out a mighty roar in protest to the cold temperatures that filled his suit and the water bubbled from the gas.

Jernigan could feel and hear the bubbles he'd created and couldn't help but giggle a little, he was reminded of his usual bathtime.

He squeezed one out, this one thinner and pointer, it created smaller bubbles but  as it was more powerful - it created more, like a jet stream through the water.

He tried again, attempting to go for a louder one, for bigger bubbles and a funnier noise, one that would be deep and guttural in the ocean of his pants. 

But this time, he pushed too far and out shot a dump, a massive one. It was a floater, clean and simple, except there was nothing clean about this shitty situation.

He groaned in embarrassment as he felt the poo shoot out and rise to the top of the water, it was bobbing around brushing against his buttocks every now and then.

Suddenly, the water reached the point where his suit had ripped earlier and the water began spurting straight out, to his shock and disgust at himself the water had been tainted brown.

It spilled out onto the snow, leaving a great brown mark across it all. Because the water had built up so much pressure in his suit, it allowed the poo to tumble out too, riding on the stream of water as if it were surfing. 

Then it lay on the ground like a log. It was ginormous, he'd never done anything like it before, he was both impressed and scared.

Back at the house, Alex cut a rope, releasing yet another obstacle for the approaching criminals.

"Heads up!" He said, smugly, proud of his wit.

"Bitch!" The parrot laughed, he was aiming it at the heavier of the criminals - Petr Beaupre.

The rope led up to the attic where it caused a chain reaction, ending with the dumbbell being dropped.

Unger and Petr saw it falling before it hit them, both letting out girlish, pathetic screams and the heavy metal weight collided with their heads.

Alex heard the smash from inside, "Ouch!" He was practically dripping with sarcasm.

The two men struggled to release themselves from the imprisonment of the dumbbell, Unger groaning in his grating, nasal voice and Petr moaning slightly in submission to the pain.

Alice watched the two idiots attempt to free themselves, she shook her head and smirked, they were so stupid. 

She strutted over, ready to deliver yet another sharp blow to Unger's inflated ego.

Picking up a book, she tried not to laugh at their stupidity, "You got hit with a book?"

"Books. Plural. A trunk full of books, then a set of weights. I got hit twice, you dumb broad!" Unger spat as he slowly got up from the floor, he couldn't believe what Alice was saying, he wasn't going to stand for this sort of disrespect, as if he would get knocked down by one book! Who did she take him for?

"Excuse me, Mr. Unger, I didn't get taken down by an infant." Alice raised her eyebrows as she looked at the man on the floor, obviously he'd been very offended by her comment, it was a look of rage she recognized. Still she wasn't happy to be called "dumb" especially by a man like Earl Unger. "And correct me if I'm wrong but you've also had some other type of altercation with the child as your underwear is quite visibly on display."

Unger avoided eye contact with the smug femme fatale as he remembered the embarrassing consequences of his earlier electrocution, but he wasn't going to give into her humiliation tactics.

"Yeah, well, correct ME if I'M wrong but it wasn't long ago that ripped your fucking spandex suit and gave us a view of that pancake you call your ass." Unger shot back at her, a last attempt to regain some dignity.

"Why you-!" Alice snarled, she wished she could strangle him, she was so ashamed and demeaned to be reduced to nothing but the size of her ass especially in front of Petr Beaupre. In her mind she had a great butt, one that she'd caught many men staring at. 

Unger snickered at her rage. 

"Never even mention any part of my body again or you'll be looking for your front teeth ten blocks from here." She grabbed the man by his neck and pulled him close.

"Get the fuck off me, you psycho bitch!" He choked, kneeing her in the crotch. Alice dropped like a fly. 

She was so degraded, being overpowered by Unger, it was nothing like she'd ever experienced before, she felt like a mere speck of dust on the floor as she writhed in agony but soon she snapped out of that pathetic mindset and quickly clambered to her feet.

"Mr Beaupre, don't you think you should be disciplining your inferior for distracting us from the mission at hand?" Alice tried to sound dignified. 

Petr didn't know how to respond, he wished he was the one who needed disciplining, a spanking from Alice while he was dressed a dame sounded marvelous. 

"Me first." He mumbled, before he could stop himself - luckily nobody heard.

Except Alex who was watching the scene play out from above, he suppressed a giggle as the internationally wanted professional criminals fought among themselves, this was gonna be so easy. With villains as self-important and haughty as these, they couldn't even get along with themselves.

 


	12. Cause I can barely hold it in

"We didn't anticipate the defense the boy would mount." Petr tried to give his inferior an excuse for his shortcomings. From the look on Alice's face, she found their predicament to be completely ridiculous. Petr felt his face heat up in shame, how dare a woman think so lowly of him. She was like a baby in comparison to him. She was only twenty something and felt she had the nerve to insult a long term criminal genius who had been escaping from the law for years. "I'll go in the frahnt." 

"Mr. Unger, you take the north side." Petr looked down at his pathetic underling who was currently holding a snowball to his head to numb the pain. Alice rolled her eyes in disbelief resisting the urge to make a jab at Unger. But after last time she realized it was probably best she left the neanderthal jackass alone for the time being.

"Alice, you take the south side." Petr instructed the woman standing before him.

Unger gradually began to stand up, feeling completely humiliated. He knew he couldn't give up that easily and he had too much pride to even consider it! It just had to be the back of his suit that was destroyed, his underwear was being paraded around invitingly for anyone who looked. 

"Where's Mr. Jernigan?" Petr asked the other two. He could only wonder what kind of obscene situation the hacker had ended up in, and the thought of it made him cringe inwardly.

 

Jernigan was still struggling with the hose. The freezing cold water was hitting him in all directions, some of it even going up his ass! But eventually he managed to make the thing stop, and it made a noise reminiscent of his butthole. Jernigan breathed heavily in relief. But before long the streams of ice cold water had let loose again. Jernigan let out a variety of effeminate screams in protest. 

The snow was really piling down now and in the moment, it would've been a very fitting touch had the song 'Let it Snow' started to play. 

 

Meanwhile Petr was furiously and unsuccessfully trying to open the door. Petr flung his hefty body at the door but the door wouldn't seem to budge

"Ow wow wow..." Peter managed to say after his fat, cottage cheese-like leg bashed into the handle. He slid down the door feeling utterly ashamed of himself and hoped there was no one witnessing this failure. The sliding down probably left a stain on his pants but now was not the time to worry about petty matters such as that. Petr felt rage rush into his bloodstream. He was ready to get what he wanted.

 

Unger trudged through the snow cautiously making sure there were no traps near him. His unbelievably massive nose was numb from the cold. He felt so degraded after that scene he'd caused... Well he didn't exactly cause it but. Jernigan's words from before. 'You should've been more vigilant.' If the uptight Jernigan had been there with him, he'd surely be scolding him and demeaning him. Unger wasn't having any more of that bullshit! He would not be getting caught in any more traps. Earl Unger was a capable guy! 

"Stupid fuckin' Jernigan." Unger muttered subconsciously. Unger slid his knife through the gap between the planks of wood as he attempted to unlock the window. After a number of failed attempts, the window swung open rapidly. Right in front of his eyes sat the kid. Alex had the smuggest look imaginable on his face and understandably so... He was about to kick Unger's big evil ass! Unger's eyes opened wide in shock... He barely had time to think or do anything about the state he'd found himself in. Alex's face seemed to be growing smugger by the millisecond. 

"Hi!" Alex smirked heroically. This bad guy needed his just desserts, and they'd only just begun!

A feminine yelp escaped Unger's mouth as he realized what was unfolding before him. A water balloon and a bag of plaster of Paris came hurtling towards his face at a crazy speed. Unger had no time to react. He just stood there and let it happen as the pressure threw the crook on to the floor. The impact alone made Unger wet his pants. It took him a few seconds to realize there was hot piss trickling down his leg. The white substance covered his face and upper body. His hair was clumped together with the white fluid. It was gonna be a nightmare to remove that shit! This was not the first time Unger had been covered in a white substance but unlike this time, he'd enjoyed it. 

Unger felt like he'd been destroyed as he lay on the floor pathetically. 

 

Alice made her way round to the back gate, leaving deep footprints from her surprisingly large feet. She wanted to have Unger and Jernigan lick her feet in submission like the little swines they were. It would be a dream come true, reducing those arrogant men to nothing more than pets. Maybe even Petr too... She reached the gate and violently threw herself at it. She realized this plan was going nowhere so she hopped over the fence, but got her foot stuck in a inconveniently placed bucket. It was so goopy and sticky on her big foot. She felt mildly insulted that her foot was put through this torture. Stumbling and fumbling like a madman, the woman tried to keep her balance but it was no help. Alice fell right into the mud. How disastrous! 

"Ew ew!" She groaned in disgust as her feet began to feel heavy in the mud. The darkness and ugliness of the mud contrasted with her clean, sharp, sophisticated image. She wriggled her toes in discomfort. Losing her balance even more so, she fell deeper into the mud. Like a scene straight out of a slapstick cartoon, a flowerpot tumbled down and hit her on the head. Alice felt dizzy and powerless as she felt her body fall flat, face first into the gross sloppy mud. It was a defeat fitting for a villainess such as herself! The noise was so comical and it sounded like Jernigan's flatulence. 

 

"You can run, but you can't hide, junior." Petr spoke threateningly through the letterbox. He wasn't letting this prepubescent pest degrade him any longer! Petr was a professional. He was dangerous. 

"Surprise!" Said the voice of the little hero. Alex grabbed a can of black spray paint. He sprayed it right into Petr's eyes, causing the fat crook to look like a cartoon villain in a mask.

Petr yelled out in pain, trying to close his eyes. The pain was truly excruciating. Petr's eyes watered making him look like he'd been crying.

"Bandit! You're a bandit!" Alex told the man, confident in his words.  Petr howled like a hurt puppy. He was just a dumb, fat bandit now. He was a caricature of a villain! But this was barely a blow to his pride. Alex's humiliation of the crooks had barely even begun. Petr's big and jellyish bum quivered in agony as he sat on the almost passive aggressive welcome mat which lived outside the Pruitt's house. Petr winced as his eyes continued to sting and he blinked trying to ease the pain. His colossal double chin visible. 

"What a big fat loser." Alex said, the other side of the door, shaking his head in disappointment at the failure of a man named Petr Beaupre. Suddenly a blade came through the door, making Alex jump away in surprise. "Nice try poopy pants! Stinkbug! Big Booty Judy!"

Petr felt utterly humiliated by these childish nicknames. How this kid had the nerve to call him such ridiculous names was beyond him! Petr Beaupre wasn't a 'poopy pants'! He was an internationally wanted criminal! Although the last name made the sissy senses in him tingle. His big bum was raw and itchy and he felt like his pants could rip at any second. If the tiniest toot dared escape his butthole then his pants would probably be done for.

 

The tattered and torn Jernigan made his way over to the Pruitt's basement. He released a putrid pop in anticipation. When he entered the room he noticed two legs hanging from the ceiling and assuming it was the pesky little Alex he tiptoed over to them.

"I got him!" The blue eyed airhead pulled at the legs. The thing gradually came down but much to Jernigan's surprise it was in fact a toy monkey. Jernigan was reminded of Unger when he saw the monkey all dressed up. It was like the time at the airport... In Jernigan's eyes, Unger was simply a monkey in man's clothing. Jernigan furiously slammed the monkey who he'd nicknamed Unger to the floor. He wished he could do the same to Unger. That would show him, for all the times Unger had made him feel insignificant and inferior. It would be an act of deserving revenge. 

Jernigan peered up at before he had the chance to do anything, he saw a lawnmower rolling towards him! The blades span menacingly as the machine rolled closer and closer. It eventually fell down, causing Jernigan to erupt into a bloodcurdling scream. If anyone had heard they would've thought someone was being murdered!

Eventually the lawnmower went it's own way, leaving Jernigan a shit stained loser on the floor. A shit stained loser with a bad haircut too! Jernigan propped himself up as the lawnmower rolled off smarmily. He then noticed a little bit of dark hair on his snow white suit. To confirm his suspicions, Jernigan felt his hair and to his dismay, the mower had left him with an embarrassing wreck of a haircut. 

"Ooh oh!" Jernigan cried out in disappointment. The man was particularly proud of his hair and now it had been destroyed. He dreaded the comments he would receive from Unger. He farted distraughtly, a raw and eggy odor filling the room.

Then he noticed something else. There were two suction cups placed on his chest. And a weird machine too! Jernigan tried to pull the cups off but they were too tight. The cups were only getting tighter, too. Jernigan couldn't tell if he enjoyed this sensation or he was just plain degraded by it. Maybe it was a combination of both... He looked down to see milk was spurting out of his tender nipples. He was being milked like a cow! Jernigan wanted to scream for help but he didn't want any of his teammates to see him like this. He shivered as the strange machine continued to milk him. The milk was gushing out as he felt his nipples swell. 

"Oweee please stop!" He rolled around hoping it would let go of him. The milk was continuing to squirt out degradingly. His nipples were rapidly expanding too and they look as though they couldn't take much more. Jernigan weirdly wanted someone to come and suckle his teets. His nips were raw and pulsating as the milk leaked out like a cow's udders. He wriggled in agony as the machine continued to pump milk from him. 

Eventually it let go, but not before spilling all of the milk over Jernigan, leaving him a degraded cow on the floor. 

The criminals wouldn't be defeated from just this. Oh no, it would take a lot more to take these bad guys down. And that was unlikely to happen anytime soon considering the villains egos.

 


	13. Chapter 13

"Fuckin' bastard!" Unger cursed, sitting up in the snow. The remains of the water balloon had landed in his mouth which just added to his annoyance as he spat out the rubbery scraps.

This kid was really pushing it now, who did he think he was?! He was just a little child, how had he managed to outwit them so far?

Unger couldn't believed he'd actually pissed himself  _again_. This was just pathetic now, he was a grown man AND a professional criminal. But he was gonna have to forget about it for now or risk the stupid brat who'd caused it to get away with his dumbass traps.

He wiped what could of the white mess on his face off but it wasn't much use, Alex had really thought this one through. It had completely covered the top of his hair - it was gonna be an awful pain trying to get it all out.

There was another window nearby, it was a quarter open. 

"Idiot." Unger thought to himself, but then he remembered, this kid had probably come up with some other shitty trap to try and fool him.

He opened the wooden shutters and peered through, no trap in sight.

He smirked, of course the child was gonna fuck up at some point.

There was still a single blind in the way so he couldn't see into the room entirely, he was gonna have to move it or he was probably gonna be met with another smug Alex staring him in the face, maybe this time he was gonna squeeze one out - that would be smug on a whole other level.

Unger gave a tug of the curtain's drawstring and in a smarmily quick fashion it shot up, causing the ruler that had been holding up the window to fall.

The window smashed down on Unger's head, dull pain shot through his skull as the wooden menace dominated him. As soon as it hit him he felt as dizzy as if he'd been spinning or on a roundabout for too long. All his limbs felt wobbly and his vision was blurred as his mind fuzzed over.

He let out an incredibly annoying, whiny, nasal noise of pain, one that may have been likened to the buzz of a mosquito - unbearable and irritating.

He felt so pathetically silly and comical as he toppled over backwards like some sort of slapstick villain. Once again, he hit the ground with a thud, he was temporarily incapacitated. A dizzy, disorientated mess on the floor.

Attempting to get up, he could feel his knees buckling as he tried to steady himself, once again he was knocked off balance and went toppling into the snow. 

He prayed none of his fellow criminals would see him in such a state, so shaky and unsteady, every time he tried to walk or stand up he looked like a clown at a circus.

In a more powerful and hardcore situation, Petr had successfully cut past the locks on the door and had managed to enter the house, rifle in arms.

Petr felt like himself again, a hardcore, masculine power-machine, he was unstoppable, a juggernaut beyond the imagination of the 8 year old Alex.

But he'd thought too soon for as soon as the door had opened he'd pulled a trigger that had set off a baby doll in the closet beside the door, it's smug giggle sounding unmistakably like a laugh that would come from a kid who was tricking crooks.

Upon hearing the noise, Petr felt a strange sense of jealously that he was unable to replicate such girlish giggles, he could see them going fell with his whole pantomime dame routine to really throw off the audience who believed he had no chance of being a pretty lady.

He shook the thoughts out of his head and crept to the closet. This was it. No more humiliations, he would catch the child, and kill him!

"You are dead, kid." He murmured, his voice sounding as deep and powerful as he could muster.

Alex poked his head round the corner from the top of his stairs, oh how he was gonna relish in watching this fool suffer this particular trap.

"Your balls are in MY court!" He whispered to Doris, who wiped her ears smugly.

As soon as he opened the door, a boxing glove on a stick shot out landing with a sickening crunch in the criminal's crotch.

His balls had been pulverized. He felt feeble, weak and emasculated. Sissified and feminized. He doubted his testicles would even be in working condition after, maybe his heaving cock too! He might've well have been a woman at this point and he knew it!

Petr could only see himself as a massive sissy in this moment, a girly, effeminate, pitiful sissy who had been branded by had crushed nuts. The degradation hurt more than the physical pain. It felt as if he'd just been cuckolded 10 times in a row. He was no longer man. He was never going to taken seriously.

He fell back in pain, landing his big bum slap dab on the fire crackers Alex had laid out for him.

They popped and sparkled under his juicy double, the heat and crackling tempting his hole to release some fireworks of it's own. And boy did it! He shot out steamy, smoky hot gas bubbles that exploded beneath him, stinking of sulfur and burning his asshole. In all honesty, the only was he could describe it was that it felt as if a dragon had crawled right out his shit bag and into the world.

He bounced around on his raging rump until he realised the firecracker had nothing to do with it anymore and instead he was just enjoying the feel of hitting his scorching shit-sack against the cold, hard floor. He knew it was going to happen, the nutcracking coupled with the fire-y farts. 

"Oh no! Oh poo! What am I to do? I sat on a flame! Then I did burning doos!" He chortled in a state of sissification, still hopping around on his enormous bum. 

Luckily, Alex had ran off to check on another trap and wasn't around to see this.

For some strange reason, only a scatty sissy could explain, he pulled down his big black trousers and let his derriere feel the air.

He wanted to be a big, filthy, pretty dame. He wanted to jump around and have some one spank his biting bum while he hopped and squealed with every swot of the hand.

Of course, no one else was around so he would have to do it himself. He grabbed the boxing and began to hit himself in the ass with it, he wanted to bruise his behind until it was a purple mottled mess, after all purple was a sissy colour for fat dames.

The continuous hitting of his ass began to slowly push out a long log.

"By Jove! It's coming! Like a lady never would! It was a bun in the oven! Now it's squidgy Christmas pud!" He waved his hands side to side as he jumped up and down to try and make the enormous shit fall out without using any force, he noticed he lost quite a bit of his tummy as it felt to the ground with a splat. Obviously he'd been cooking up this dump for a long time.

He began to jump on the shit, stomping on it with his equally filthy shoes until it was just pulp on the floor, he then began to spread it over his now fully erect cock, rubbing it over like he was buttering toast in a frantic movement. His cock was covered in putrid shit.

Then Petr started to jerk himself off as he continued singing sissy songs to himself, he couldn't wait to ejaculate and be a massive degraded scatty cummy sissy on the ground.

"A lady? A lady! That's what I am! So don't you say 'pooh-pooh' to my smelly brown jam!" As he uttered the word jam, he released his load over the floor. 

He wanted to drown in it, the perverse nature of it all only turned him on more. The combination of the fresh shit and cum made for an even worse stench.

Petr rolled around in it, humming to himself, imagining he was still performing to an audience, a big fat humiliated dame who rolled around in her own excrement.

Then he got to lapping it up, he even understood in his trance that he couldn't leave his own jizz and crap all over the floor.

Soon he had licked it clean, like a hungry man to a plate full of his favourite food.

As he slouched against the stairway, he felt full and contempt as he slowly woke from his trance, soon he would be regretting all his actions and would pull out his trousers (which had been ripped apart at the buttocks by the firecrackers) and continue on his mission. But for now he was a happy sissy.

Unger had managed to find a third window, this time one that led to the living room. Finally he had managed to regain his composure and was now attempting to lodge open the window with a random stick, he was not having it fall on him again.

He climbed in, a look of determination on his face mixed with extreme hatred and rage and of course the always present look  of arrogance that all the villains carried with that all times.

As soon as his large feet hit the floor, he knew he'd made another mistake, his big feet did not in fact hit the floor, instead they were engulfed in two containers of a yellow sticky, glue-like substance.

"Ah shit!" He scowled, he tried to pull his massive foot out but the treacly liquid just clung onto his feet pulling them back in, his feet felt so overpowered and as much as tried to release himself the syrupy liquid always won.

It was a fight between man and mucous. He hoped it wasn't snot, he could see a bratty kid like Alex being about to produce that much boogers in one night. Or perhaps the little creep had been collecting them over the years. Or even more likely, the pathetic criminal just wanted a way of insulting the 8 year old kid capable of besting him every damn time!

He gave up, allowing his feet to be drowned in the gloopy, gunky goo. He could feel it slipping between his toes, the cold sensation like eels tickling his tootsies, he shivered and felt his body recoil as the sludge filled every crevice in his foot.

The containers in which the gluey substance was held were actually two Mega Bloks boxes which also happened to have wheels. This was going to be a wild ride for Earl Unger.

He slipped and slid everywhere across the recently polished flooring, trying to balance himself using the furniture but it was no hope. He felt as if he were on rollerskates and he SUCKED AT IT!

Alex walked in calmly, he didn't even needed to run or prepare himself to, if Unger even tried to follow him, he'd just roll away or more likely just fall over.

"Hiya, crook!" He grinned, perching himself on arm of a sofa, he had Doris in one hand (who was smugly eating cheese), a glass of orange juice in the other (which had a smarmy little twisty straw in it) and the parrot sat on his shoulder (occasionally spouting words like "faggot" or "bitch" in a condescending tone).

"I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, you nitwit!" Unger tried to wheel towards the small boy.

"Okay!" Alex shrugged, giving a lopsided smile. 

"Don't test me, little bastard!" He slid forward, ready to strangle him but overestimated the distance, wheeling past a grinning Alex and toppling onto the floor.

"I won't!" Alex hopped off the sofa, placing down Doris and the juice.

He walked over to Unger who was still attempting to get up but was unable to with the big clowny box-shoes he'd now acquired.

"Get away from me, you little shit, unless you have a fuckin' death wish!" Unger swore, to be honest he wasn't sure what he was really capable of doing from this position, but Alex didn't need to know this.

Before he had time to react, Alex had one leg either side of Unger's head, each of his feet stood on Unger's hands, preventing him from doing any harm.

"Hey, shorty, what the fu-" Unger was cut off as Alex let out a smug, cheesy fart that stank like hell.

"Ahh! I can't breathe!" Unger choked, his eyes watering as Alex squeezed another loud one out. This one cheesier than the last.

"Just been sharin' some cheese with Doris!" Alex giggled as the man spluttered and wheezed beneath him.

"Get a whiff of this!" Alex pushed out another rancid rump-rage. It smelt like rotting stilton.

"St-op! Get the f-uck outta my fa-ce!" Unger could barely breathe, even through his massive nose. 

"I don't think I want to, crook!" Alex forced out more ferocious farts. "Also you smell like wee!"

"It's prob-ably you, yo-u disgus-ting brat!" Unger managed, he was even angrier now the kid had pointed out his accident.

"Nope! I can literally see the wet patch!" Alex popped some cheese in his mouth as he did a pop. "I thought you were supposed to be professionals!"

"I am a fuc-king profess-ional!" Unger protested, coughing as Alex let out a mighty butt-roar. "I didn-t pi-ss myse-lf, you're the fuckin' 8 year ol-d!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" Alex farted with every "ha!". "That's what makes it even more pathetic! I'm only 8 and I don't even wet myself anymore!"

"But you try and shit yourself apparently." Unger grimaced, managing to turn his head slightly to get some fresh air.

"My job here is done! Or I might just end up doing that!" Alex stepped over the man and grabbed Doris and his OJ.

He went to sip his juice but nearly sipped Doris! He giggled and apologized to the rat, the parrot called out "Doris! The new drink to quench your thirst!" Alex was in hysterics at the parrot's antics and anyone who wasn't a stupid criminal would've too. No one with a good sense of humour could deny that parrot's sharp wit.

Meanwhile, Jernigan was climbing up a ladder to an upstairs window, still covered in milk and a couple shit stains marked him as a man with uncontrollable bowels.

He was slightly scared of the heights and let a whispering fart out, it slithered out, silent as a snake, joining the cool breeze on it's journey. It relaxed him slightly.

But as got higher, he became even more frightened and this time the fart was rowdy as a rodeo on Redbull, he could've sworn he'd passed more gas. He had. The sound was a deep bellow, almost like a belch, but an octave lower and more threatening. In fact, it was a threat, a threat to the wind saying: If you knock me down from here, I will let more rip and I will get you when you least it expect it! 

Then he reached the window, just as Alex opened the door to the room, a look of fake fear on his face.

Smugness rushed over Jernigan like a wave. He couldn't help but shout a cliche line as he climbed in.

"Gotcha!" He grinned.

 


	14. Feelin' Kinda Breezy

Jernigan only managed to be satisfied for a few seconds...

"See ya, diarrhea!" Alex waved, his cheeks puffed up in smug glory. Jernigan fell right through the floorboards as though he was an anvil from a cartoon. Well... There wasn't any floorboards in the area Jernigan had decided to jump on to. Jernigan yelled out for help but it was no use. The supposedly smart baddy looked a total dunce as he fell victim to the trap of a tiny child. His big toasted tushie was brown in contrast to his suit, some of the brown was from the burns... Other parts were from... Shit. 

Jernigan flailed around as if that would somehow soften the fall. Suddenly he stopped falling and realized he'd got his haughty hindquarters stuck in between the flimsily laid boards that Alex had prepared. He felt his pants began to rip right off, revealing his big bare tokus. Jernigan almost squealed in embarrassment. He could feel his cheeks heating up and could just imagine that his face must've been past beet red. Eventually he slid through and the silly crook continued to fall. His buttocks being hit by everything that passed him. 

"Wow Doris... He's screaming like a lil girl." Alex told his trusty pet rat. Doris seemed to nod in agreement. Jernigan probably didn't realize but he sounded like a total bratty child right now. He sounded so inexperienced and stupid it was hard to believe he was a wanted criminal. The littlest Pruitt giggled and patted Doris on the head in pride. People like the crooks could never appreciate something as wholesome and sweet as little Doris. Alex felt bad for them that they were so devoid of cuteness. 

Jernigan eventually came to a stop. And of course, he landed on the toilet. Nothing could be more fitting. 

"Unger! Alice! Beaupre!" He bawled as his aching tush smacked into the cold seat of the John. 

"Pee-ew!" Alex held his nose in disgust as the rancid odor that Jernigan had left behind finally caught up with it. "That's worse than your cage, Doris!"

Dust and debris were coming at Jernigan from all directions. Jernigan subconsciously took this as an opportunity to release his bowels. Before he knew it, a colossal turd was sitting below him, making itself at home in the Pruitt's toilet. 

"Ugh, yuck." Jernigan spat. Saliva flew everywhere, a mere demonstration of the humiliated wreck he was currently. Jernigan's pasty behind was practically begging for mercy at this point. It had been through so much torture and it was raw and red like a grated beet. 

Jernigan's awful ass continued to fall, as did the rest of him. Villain butt was truly being kicked today, and in the most over the top, loony fashion possible. A mighty belch much like a lion's roar escaped his mouth. How he had so much gas in him was a question that couldn't be answered. Jernigan's thighs were soft and squishy which he was rather insecure about, they had become this way over the days spent at Chicago from all the low quality junk food the villains had been snacking on. His thunderbum began to join in with his burps and let out some wind of its own. Jernigan was practically a walking hurricane with the obscene amounts of wind he produced. He may as well be nicknamed Uranus because, boy, was he a gas giant?! He tried to hold the farts in as he looked up to see the brave little pioneer Pruitt looking down at him and laughing mockingly. His weak willed belly didn't seem to agree and released the big toots it had been storing anyway. 

"Blllllllllllarppp!" Jernigan's asshole trumpeted to Alex. It was like an orchestra of air biscuits. Farts of all different decibels were making their way out of Jernigan's puckered posterior. Wet ones, skinny ones, sharp ones, squeaky ones. It felt too silly to be happening! Alex was almost in tears from laughing so hard at the barking spiders that this so-called criminal was freeing. The smell was bordering on unbearable, even Doris was grimacing in disgust at the poisoned air. It was like smog. The farts were so hot and suffocating that Alex could barely breathe. The vomit inducing smell was enough to choke a horse. Alex felt so rewarded. But his work here wasn't even remotely done!

The nasty and mucky air began to fill the house like a stinkbomb. 

"That's a Jernigan..." Unger sighed in disgust at the stinky storm that was manifesting in the Pruitt house. He pinched his villainously huge nose but the smell managed to sneak in regardless. 

 

Petr Beaupre was too resilient for a nasty smell to stop him. The disgustingly fat leader had cleaned himself up after the little 'distraction' that had momentarily slowed him down. The memories of it were blurry and he still felt the immense pride and self confidence that a notorious criminal like himself would. All that remained was shit and cum stains on his pants which he believed probably belonged to Jernigan. Petr suddenly felt his galumphing, elephant like foot sink as the childish sound of a whoopee cushion rang out. The sudden noise made Petr jump like a little girl who just saw a spider.

Petr did doubt himself for a moment there. Was it a whoopee cushion or was it just his buttocks? He felt a weird rivalry with the whoopee cushion and squeezed one out, only to be disappointed by a pitiful 'pop'. He felt like the wicked witch of the west. Stumbling around like a drunken monkey, the humiliated leader seemed to be scared by every noise. Suddenly he felt something prick his bunghole. He turned around to see an army of wasps, and his bum seemed to be covered in honey.

Petr fell to the floor in agony, furiously swatting at the wasps but they weren't going anywhere. And any resistance only ended in Petr being stung. Petr's worn and torn asshole was swelling in pain, it's hue rapidly changing from brownish pink to redder than a tomato. Just looking at it you could almost feel how sore and achy it was. His butthole was truly suffering at the hands, well stingers, of these little demons. Some of them were deep inside him now, the pathetic crook was being stung from both the inside and out. It felt like something inside him had broken as the agonizing pain rang throughout his rectum. 

"Ahh fuck!" He swore unprofessionally as the wasps continued to sting his precious areas. He could feel his cock grow hard and the man himself was confused as to why this was happening. The wasps were moving on to his dick now, enlarging the rod with every prick. His mighty bum was now bigger and redder than it ever was, and it's cottage cheese like consistency had become firm and hard. Alex was truly a crafty little shit to have pulled something like this. This tyke had a lot of tricks up his sleeve! Petr had truly underestimated what the eight year old was capable of.

Petr's villainous bunghole shrank smaller as the rim grew bigger and more pronounced. It felt heavy and fizzy. It was unbearably itchy and irritated. His cock twitched in both delight and pain as the wasps continued to work. This was what a nasty old bad guy like himself deserved. It was a perfect fate. Petr was mortified. The wasps were now moving on to his nipples. The sensitive nipples were pierced and the pain was almost paralyzing. Petr squirmed and writhed on the floor. If Alice or the guys came in right now, they'd probably laugh at their pathetic excuse for a boss. Petr's throbbing wasp stung cock and bunghole sent a ripping pain through his entire body. He lay there on the floor in shame, unable to do anything to stop them. His butthole was leaking in a watery defeat and semen was spilling from his cock which had been rendered useless for the time being. He felt like a filthy whore who had been left for dead by a client. 

 

Meanwhile Alice had escaped her muddy misfortune and was now attempting to enter the house through the backdoor. Her feet ached, as though they were telling her to take it easy and rest. But a woman like Alice Ribbons wouldn't rest when she had a job to do! Her numb toes wriggled in resistance at the female villains brash decisions. She took of her restricting boots and let her feet feel the breeze.

Alice ran determinedly towards the door. She second guessed everything around here, it was the logical thing to do. She brushed away the snow to see the wooden steps had been cut through the middle. That kid really thought he was smart, huh? Alice grinned to herself, she was not falling for this tot's tricks anymore!

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. It's Cool If You Let One Go

"Nice try, little shit." Alice said smugly as she grabbed the railings in an attempt to swing over Alex's sneaky little trap. Although she was now a muddy mess, Alice wasn't going to let any tykes get the best of her. Not now, not ever.

But this plan of her's was foiled in an instant. The female crook went crashing down as the railings fell to the side. Alex was a master of traps! It seemed she had no idea what she was up against. An image of a smarmy Alex flashed in her head, fueling her rage. But for now she was just a failed villainess on the floor, moaning and groaning in a vulnerable state. 

 

The idiot of the gang, Earl Unger was rolling around moronically and ungracefully, unable to remove his sunken feet from the Mega Blox boxes. His nose needed therapy after the putrid smells he'd had to experience. First there was the smug, cheesy ones of Alex and then there was the distinct eggy smell of Jernigan. Unger's stomach growled in hunger, he needed some food and NOW. Unger began to make his way over to the kitchen, stumbling at every obstacle. His legs were splayed like a giraffe and he wouldn't have been surprised had his tight pants ripped at any second. Childish noises of fear were coming out of his mouth as he rolled pathetically towards the Pruitt's homely kitchen. It was no place for a dirty villain like himself. He grabbed on to a door handle to keep himself balanced and opened it which revealed to him a staircase to the basement.

"I'm comin' down!" Unger growled recklessly. But all of a sudden, he lost his balance. Unger screamed uncharacteristically effeminately as he completely lost balance. A crazy backflip saved his life as he toppled down the stairs like a lunatic. 

"Ahgahgahgah!" Unger spurted unintelligible noises which made him look like even more of a useless buffoon than ever. His bum wiggled as he helplessly rolled down the fleet of stairs, gun in one hand. The neanderthal moron's face was twisted into caricature-like expressions as his buttocks bounced.

 He was sent flying into a freezer when suddenly it hit him. A horrifying pain in his crotch! He looked down to see a smarmy mousetrap had caught hold of his dick! He howled in pain, collapsing on to the floor, his beaten up bum slamming into the cold floor.

"Fucking bastard kid! I'll murder you!" He cursed the little trickster, but it was barely recognizable as his yells were so distorted by his agony. At this point, he wasn't even surprised when he felt his pants grow warm and wet. Yeah. Unger had pissed his pants. For the second time that day. He felt humiliated having his manhood violated like that. He tugged at the mouse trap but that only made the awful pain more unbearable. There were tears springing up in his eyes, he felt absolutely pathetic. In the heat of the moment, he pulled the trigger on his gun and fired a bullet into the ceiling. But unfortunately for the long haired maniac, this was the pipe that led to the almighty shitter.

A waterfall of liquid shit began to drip down in the masses, landing directly on Unger's head and covering him in the rancid brown.

"Jernigan..." The repulsive, vile stench was recognizable for anyone who'd worked with Burton Jernigan. Unger winced in disgust as he sat there on the floor, he was now covered in Jernigan's shit and his dick was caught in a mouse trap. Oh and he'd pissed his pants. Big time. 

 

The snow continued to cover the place like icing on a cake, as little Alex peeked it the window.

"It's freezing Doris... We'll have to warm em' up." Alex giggled, planting a kiss on Doris's head. The adorable rat nudged him back as if to tell him how thankful he was for his human.

 

Back in the backyard, Alice was still trying to enter the house. As she stood back up, she adjusted her back and it made a exaggerated cracking sound. This wasn't gonna stop her, however. Determined to prove the little rascal wrong, the young woman criminal began to somersault towards the door, showing off her otherworldly flexibility as she went. Her shapely legs couldn't fail her now! Proud of herself, she smiled and turned to the door elegantly. Her feet were only covered by mere socks now and were getting rather chilly. But what she hadn't anticipated was the floorboard flipping over and hitting her right on the head. Alice began to lose her footing and realized she was falling!

Petr was still twitchy from his punishment earlier but he was now ready to work again, even if his bunghole was heaving and his dick was throbbing unbearably. He heard some concerning crashes and a girlish scream.

"Alice?" Petr turned his head in confusion, letting out a prickly poop gopher that hurt his demolishedd asshole. The blob of a man wondered what mischief the little brat could've inflicted upon his female underling. The tangy, sour, laughable stench of the fart reached his nose and even Petr was a little shocked at what his cornhole had concocted.

"Alice?" He called out again in confusion, wandering out the back door. His mouth opened in a horrified 'o' as he saw the plank of wood right before his eyes.

Alice, at the bottom of the trap, truly feared for her life when she saw her unsightly elephant of a boss's legs appear before her. Petr needlessly fired his gun as he fell, maybe it was to cover a loud, quaking fart that roared from his asscheeks as they flapped together. The pungent poot reached Alice's nose and before she new it, the big fat Beaupre was on top of her. Alice could've sworn she'd felt something warm in the back of his pants, but tried to convince herself otherwise. The impact alone of the galumphing juggernaut falling on to the petite woman made her vomit all over him. She now felt disgusting and ashamed. She'd just thrown up all over Petr Beaupre!

"I didn't want your leftover lunch, Miss Ribbons." Petr scowled at the revolting mess on his clothing. 

"Well.. I didn't want your... Sorry, Mr. Beaupre." She apologized, realizing halfway through the sentence that starting trouble with Petr Beaupre was a disaster of a decision.

Petr violently pushed open the door in front of him.

"Mr. Jernigan, Mr. Unger!" Petr roared in his thick Polish accent.

"Welcome." Said a degraded Jernigan, sitting on the floor surrounded by toilet paper.

"You got a haircut?" Alice remarked at the pathetic idiot who was emitting a suspicious odor. 

She received no reply, only a pitiful face from the blue eyed bad guy. 

Then Unger showed himself. The man was defeatedly walking over, wearing only his boxers and a white shirt which wasn't exactly white anymore. Alice and Petr exchanged a look of disappointment, disgust and confusion as they wondered how their teammates had ended up in such a sticky situation. 

"Are ya almost done in there?" Unger jokingly asked Jernigan. A question Jernigan received from Unger on the daily. 

"Don't. Start with me." Jernigan sounded close to tears.

"I'm the one who just got covered in your shit." Unger sighed, gesturing to his brown-marked face. 

"How did know it was Jernigan's?" Alice questioned Unger who seemed so sure of himself.

"Jernigan stinks up the shitter everyday. How would ya not realize it's his? Ignorant broad." Unger explained his claim.

"Don't start on me. I said don't start on me." Jernigan said, his voice wavering. The man looked utterly ridiculous with his new 'haircut'. His hair was so immaculately styled and a smug little lawnmower had to go and ruin it. They all looked like blubbering idiots. 

A loud 'prrp' could be heard and it echoed around the room almost melodically.

"Pardon me." Said Petr in a professional manner. 

"Pardon fucking you! Stink up the room why don't you?" Unger scoffed looking at Petr. Petr held up his gun menacingly and Unger backed away, regretting his words. Petr always knew what would make people fear him...

"Take a whiff." Petr said, in a cold and dangerous tone.

 The sickening stench began to build up in the room and it probably could be considered a choking hazard. It was tangy and raw and full of vengeance. The rest of the crooks seemed intimidated by the whiff and kept their mouths shut, resisting the urge to hold their noses in fear of being called weak by Petr.

 

Unger found the toy monkey that Jernigan had suitably nicknamed 'Unger' and took off it's clothes. Yes, he'd look like a ridiculous comedy act but it was better than wearing a Jernigan shitstained shirt and only his boxers. He had managed to get his titanic feet out of the glue by melting the glue around it. His flipfloppers were still covered in glue but they were functional. 

"You expect me to fit into these?" Unger asked Unger the monkey, holding up the blue pants. They were definitely WAY too small for him. Unger pulled them up and struggled to get them over his bum. He growled in anger and pulled them more and more, some of the fabric getting lost in his crack. 

It's all just muscle... Unger assured himself. It absolutely wasn't. The spaghetti and goofballs he'd been gorging on had finally caught up with him. He eventually managed to button up the pants but the zipper wouldn't budge. The pants were ready to split but it was the best and the only option he had. He felt as though if he did as much as bend over then he'd end up in a situation like Alice hours ago. 

Needless to say, the criminal gang were still the self confident bastards they always were. This was nothing! They were gonna find that chip and no humiliating booby traps could stop them!

 


	16. Bend down, touch your toes and just glide

Petr remained in the basement the rest of his team went off to try and find Alex elsewhere. They were all very intimidated by him at that moment. Sometimes a fart did good. 

He smiled to himself, and silently thanked his rectum for letting out such vindictive air cookie. That had really reminded them all who was in charge.

 

"Can't believe Beaupre finally admitted to farting." Unger commented as he, Alice and Jernigan crept up the stairs, searching from the tyrannous tyke.

"Shut up, the kid'll hear your doorbell of a voice from a mile away!" Alice hissed, as if they weren't noticeable enough already with Unger clad in his bright blue suit.

"Doorbell? Doorbell? The fuck does that even mean?" Unger muttered to himself, ignoring the command and focusing on the insult like the self-centered man he was.

"Be quiet, Unger." Jernigan piped up, he loved any opportunity to gang up on someone who wasn't himself.

"Whatta ya gonna do to me? Fart in my face?" Unger's sarcastic tone dropped mid sentence as he remembered an recent event, he could still smell it, he didn't know if he'd be able to ever eat cheese again.

"Stop acting like imbeciles and follow me!" Alice growled, she had had it with the two men's bickering, why couldn't they just get on with the mission? It always had to about them and how they were feeling.

"Quit ordering me around, ya stupid broad!" Unger was outraged to have the villainous vixen try and play leader with him, they were supposed to be on the same rank.

"Maybe if you stuck to the plan, I wouldn't have to spell everything out to you!" Alice hated having to rise to his petty arguments. Unger was about to reply when a loud moan cut him off.

They turned, not really sure what to expect. But in all honesty, had they known what to expect, they still would've gotten it wrong, for it was a very unexpected scene.

"Jernigan, what the fuck?!" Unger jumped back.

Jernigan was no longer beside them. He was now hanging from the ceiling in a makeshift cocoon. It was an obvious Alex trap - it had his name all over it!

"Get me out of here!" He cried, then he gave another whine of pleasure as if somebody was in there with him.

"It's filled with eels!" Jernigan exclaimed.

"How the fuck did this kid get eels?!" Unger had so many questions.

The eels were slipping and sliding around in the papoose with Jernigan, black slippery devils that had no time for crooks like him. They could smell the stench of warm shit, old and new, on his butthole. He'd managed to find some loose brown trousers after the ripping incident earlier but they did not work to disguise the unmistakable scent of pure poo. The eels headed straight from his raspberry coloured asshole, sniffing it and nibbling at it in a way that tickled Jernigan until one became brave enough to venture further, prodding slightly at the entrance before deciding it felt like a safe, warm cavern that it could reside in. An intense feeling of pleasure and eroticism rushed through Jernigan and he hated to say he liked it a lot. 

"What are we supposed to do?" Alice asked, unsure if she really wanted Jernigan to come out. He looked putrid in his baggy brown trousers that were really reminiscent of shit, it was easy to tell what he had in mind when he picked them.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Jernigan said, breathily as another warm wave of orgasmic feeling rushed over him. His cock hard as a rock. The eels had a whole planet to discover.

Unger could see the movement of the eels against the material, combined with the writhing and bucking of Jernigan's hips that was also visible. He retched slightly.

"Hey, woman, can we leave this creep or do we have to wait til he ejaculates?" Unger was ready to leave the whole house, he was so full of disgust.

"Further!" Jernigan bellowed, he was unable to control himself. He just wanted to eels to go further. 

One after another, the eels followed each other up his dirty dumphole and up into his stomach through his rectum. He could feel his stomach protruding slightly now, it stuck out as the eels swam around in the acid.

He put his hand on his stomach, they were making him incredibly gassy. 

He let a dark and treacherous one blow loose, billowing out his cocoon with it's immense power, filling the already damp and humid sack with the smell of steamed broccoli, rotting potato peel and a hint of fish carcass.

The eels loved it and dove back down to his rectum to enjoy the eye of the storm, stretching out his already loose hole to an incredible size, all the while the rest of the eels continued to nip softly at his fishy rim.

Jernigan's eyes rolled back in pleasure. He felt like a sultan, swathed in the thick material and being treated like pure royalty by the eels. They worshiped him. More accurately, they worshiped his hole.

Unger and Alice had moved on, desperate for a clue as to where the tricky trickster had disappeared to.

"Maybe he got homesick and went back to hell." Unger smirked as they continued to no avail. 

"Very funny." Alice grimaced, Unger was one of the least witty people she knew.

"What, is humor a crime now?" Unger said, flatly, sick of the uptight woman.

"When it's not funny, yes." Alice turned on her heel. "We'll be more successful if we search alone."

Unger gave a great sigh of relief, finally those two were gone again, he was beyond glad to have left the moaning Jernigan in his sack and getting to escape from Alice just added to it.

He remembered the food in the kitchen and quickly snuck back downstairs once Alice was out of sight, now he had no wheels it was much easier to function.

 

 

In the kitchen, Unger headed straight for the fridge, he was sure a family like this would have plenty to eat.

Upon opening the fridge door, Unger was met with the smuggest thing he'd seen in a while.

"What's up, crook?" Alex waved. "Did someone get hungwy?"

Unger slammed the door shut. 

"Have fun suffocating to death." He sneered, turning away.

"Think again!" The parrot swooped in and opened the fridge door with it's claws.

Alex hopped out, a big grin on his face.

"Thanks!" He laughed as the parrot perched on his super. "That was pretty fly!"

"PUN ALERT! PUN ALERT!" It bobbed up and down, a smarmy little fucker. But a hilarious one nonetheless, that only criminals and dirty crooks didn't think was funny and witty as hell!

"What the fuck?!" Unger was seething with rage, the pair were unbearable.

"Beat it, big butt!" The parrot taunted, ready for a fight.

"What did you call me?!" He hoped he'd heard it wrong.

"He called you Big Butt! Cause it's true!" Alex piped up, high fiving Doris and rewarding her with a nibble of cheese. It was truly adorable.

"Shuddup kid and hand over the fuckin' chip before this gets serious!" Unger suddenly wished he wasn't wearing the extremely tight pants.

He grabbed his gun and pointed it at the cute kid.

"F-fine! Here it is!" Alex stuttered, throwing the chip behind the man.

Unger couldn't believe how easy it was! Well he could, he'd known all along the kid was a cowardly idiot.

He dropped the gun in the heat of the moment and turned to pick up the chip.

Alex held in laughter as he tried not to drop his act while the parrot picked up the gun and passed it to Alex, who hid it behind him. It was so quick and smooth that the whole tiny operation happened in under a second. 

As Unger bent down to pick up the Macguffin, he released how bad of mistake he'd made. The tight fabric of the unfitting trousers had been pushed far. In one swift motion, a clean rip had appeared right down his pants.

He froze, he heard the cartoonish "riiiiippp!" and could feel a release of pressure where the tightness had been before.

"I see London, I see France, I see this crook's underpants!" The parrot screeched, it was euphoric watching the stupid villain suffer.

On closer inspection, Unger could see that it was just a regular SD card as well. It had all been a trick!

Overcome with immense embarrassment, Unger still didn't move, how could this have happened to a hardcore hitman like himself?!

"Stop showing us your massive butt!" Alex taunted, dancing on the spot.

Unger stood up quickly before the insults could amount to anything else. He didn't even have his gun anymore! His gun! A crook without his gun is like a pirate without his ship: useless! He'd actually allowed the eight year old boy to take away his GUN. He was such a pathetic criminal.

"I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, kid!" He lunged at the smug saviour but Alex just erupted into giggles as he ran around the table shouting "catch me if you can!" 

Unger felt like an utter jester, chasing a kid and his pets around a kitchen table with his underwear exposed yet again.

Alex grabbed some oil off the counter and before he knew it, there was a whole slip and slide on the floor! Unger slid across the slimy substance, landing with a slap-bang on the floor, allowing Alex to disappear to another of his hiding spots.

Unger jumped up, rubbing his back. He wasn't gonna let the kid escape.

Little did he know, the parrot had other plans. It dove down, a carrot in mouth, at an alarming speed and shoved the vegetable up the villain's asshole.

"AGGHHH!" Unger howled in pain as the carrot lodge itself in there. He felt so violated! How did this keep happening! The rhyming aspect of the parrot with a carrot made it all the more humiliating.

He pulled it out quickly but it was too late, it had done it's damage and Alex was long gone. His ass felt unbelievably sore. After all he'd just been raped by a carrot!

If he found Alex he was gonna murder him. Pure and simple.

 

 

He stormed out of the room, his cheeks still red from the degrading events from the kitchen, but he was soon distracted as he ran up the stairs in time to be hit by the falling sack of Jernigan and his eel-y allies.

The sack had split open from all the rough anal sex and excessive gas explosions and had spilled onto the raging man as he reached the upstairs corridor.

"AhHhhhhhhh!" Jernigan shrilled as he tumbled onto the floor, covered in eels, some still in his ass.

The sudden pain brought him out of his erotic hypnosis.

"Get the fuck off me!" Unger crawled out from the sexed up man.

"Unger, what happened?!" Jernigan looked at all the eels around him.

"You fucked some eels or something." Unger shivered as all the eels slivered around them.

"I would never!" Jernigan let out an offended wet one that smelt like the piff of an orange.

"Check your ass." Unger could see some flopping out of the man's loose hole.

"Why don't you check yours!" Jernigan tried to get the upperhand.

"Yeah, I get it, you can see my fuckin' underwear, I've been told!" Unger exclaimed, he really felt like this was irrelevant after what Jernigan had just done.

Jernigan chortled loudly, "I didn't even know that! I was just being annoying! Ha ha ha! You ripped your pants! Who's the buffalo butt now!? Also you're wearing the clothes off of the toy monkey that I named Unger when I saw it!"

"You just willingly took part in beastiality and you're trying to embarrass me!?" Unger spluttered, although it was working. 

"No I didn't! You have no proof but the proof is in the pudding! You ripped your pants!" Jernigan chuckled even more and was about to continue when suddenly he led out a bellow of burp and a tidal wave of diarrhea and eels poured from his butthole, shooting through the loose brown pants he was wearing.

It smelt like raw sewage, thick choking toxic fumes, it was boiling hot and rushed like a river from his burning ass, the eels slivered out with it, flopping along covered in shit. it was filled with so much sweetcorn and hair. Jernigan felt like his hole was on fire as the liquid shit poured from it.

One look at it had caused Unger to rush to the window and empty his stomach, projectile vomiting out everything he'd eaten. He'd never felt more ill in his life. Jernigan squatted in shock, he couldn't believe he'd  just done this, how the hell was he ever going to be respected now.

As soon as he'd finished throwing up, Unger ran straight back downstairs, he didn't care where he was going as long as it was far away from the shitty mess.

Jernigan let out one measly, mousy old fart which told him it was over. He looked behind him to see the mess he'd made but all that was there was a couple of extremely bloated eels, writhing around. They'd consumed his diarrhea in seconds.

He didn't know how to react. This was like something from a dream. He couldn't believe it! He wouldn't believe it! 

"I must've imagined that!" He told himself, shaking away the memory as if it had been a figment of the imagination. But of course, it wasn't.

You may be thinking the criminals would be defeated by now but that is not something that will be happening anytime soon, there egos are too big and their delusional views of themselves remain, Alex was gonna have to go a lot further if he wanted these professional villains to leave him alone!

 

 


	17. I'm just trying to unwind

Alex waited cautiously at the top of the stairs, a buttery grin plastered on the face of the pocket sized paragon. He had a lot in store for these dastardly crooks and they sure as heck weren't gonna have fun! Nothing could've prepared the villains for what they were about to experience.

"What's that smell?" Alice asked in disgust.

"Shahddup." Unger replied, his ever irritating nasal nightmare of a voice shining through. Though he'd tried to mask it with some unidentified spray, the sickly smell of Jernigan still remained. 

"Go Doris." Alex whispered, letting his charming little friend loose. The little rodent scuttled away while Alex went to go hide in the closet. It was dusty and stuffy but Alex wasn't a weak willed kid. He'd do what he have to do. He wasn't some loser who would start sneezing and give himself away to the bumbling bozos who called themselves professionals.

The rage filled Unger stumbled up the stairs. He was ready to destroy that little shit Alex if it was the last thing he did. No one humiliates Earl Unger like that, especially not little tykes. 

"Mr. Unger go left, you ape." Alice told him with a necessary insult thrown in. Unger was behaving like a idiotic brat right now. Alex was so mature and prepared while still keeping the childish spark inside him. It was a truly wonderful combination which made for a charismatic and cute kid!

Noticing a slight movement from the closet door, Unger rushed over and violently shook the handle, attempting to open it.

"Mr. Unger what are you doing? Earl Unger?!" Jernigan asked, confused as to what his teammate was getting up to. Jernigan was actually just saying this so he could let out a savoury air biscuit that had been bubbling up inside him. He breathed a sigh of relief once the stinker had gone. 

"I'm comin' for ya." Unger rattled at the door. On the other side, Alex was terrified for his life. "I'm gonna pay you back, for all the misery you've caused me."

There was so much rage dripping from Unger's words and Alex was unsure what the bastard was capable of. Unger began to pick the lock and Alex shivered in fear. If Unger got through then this could be the last of Alex.

"Mr. Unger?! What are you doing?!" Alice questioned the big-nosed buffoon. 

"Kid's in the closet." He replied "Like Jernigan."

Unger didn't even have to look to see the infuriated expression on Jernigan's face after that little comment. It was quite the touchy subject. 

"We don't have time for your immature comments!" Alice shouted at him. 

Unger managed to open the door and eyed the closet from top to bottom. There was no Alex in sight... 

"Towels..." Unger said in confusion. Jernigan made a 'hm' noise as though he was humored by the situation.

"I saw this door close!" Unger told the others, pointing to the closet door.

"Idiot." Sighed Alice. Unger felt incredibly degraded by this insult and his blood boiled even more so.

"Would I make that shit up?" Unger turned round as a heroic but cheeky imp named Alex popped out of the sack hanging from the door eyeing the ugly mess in front of him and feeling thankful that he wasn't that simpleton. "Why? What's the point? We workin' on commission here?"

The big nosed freak rolled his eyes condescendingly and took one last look at the contents of the closet. He half expected Jernigan to be sitting there. The idiotic Unger marched around seething with rage. Smashing a picture of Alex with his fist with the wrath of a thousand warriors.  The tight fabric on his pants was causing a serious amount of friction with his big legs which only added to his anger. A few workouts couldn't hurt... 

As soon as the three left the room, Alex hopped out of the bag and escaped from the closet. He had to go make sure that Mr. Beaupre was under control, grabbing a few items that may come in handy on the way...

 

Meanwhile, Petr was marching around the basement, brandishing his gun. The overweight scumbag lugged his glorious glutes up the stairs. He really looked the part now. His painted on eye mask practically screamed 'bandit'. If you saw him on the street you'd be sure he was up to no good. His feet were aching from all this work and the man could really have done with a good foot massage from Alice. His elephantine buttocks trembled in anticipation. He wanted nothing more than to bash the Pruitt boy senseless. Petr had never been filled with such a vengeful rage before. Any adults he had been up against in the past were nothing compared to this little rugrat. His humiliating tricks were going way too far and Petr was dead set on getting the sweet revenge he felt he deserved...

Petr's now limp and lifeless cock throbbed in agony. It felt like it was broken beyond repair. Petr shuddered at the thought. 

Petr waddled over to the table. He saw there a toy car! Just as he realized it was simply a twisted trick, the blubbering beast of a man tripped and fell. He turned to see Alex standing there, arms folded, a big and youthful smile on his face.

"Owwweee!" Petr yodeled as his battered bum hit the seat of a chair that was missing the seat. Petr's embarrassingly big ass was stuck! Alex's plans had worked out perfectly! Alex took this as an opportunity to tie Petr's hands.

"Say hello to my little friends!" Alex laughed, opening the lid of a plastic container. Petr quivered imagining what kind of punishment would be inside the inconspicuous little box. 

Alex walked over to Petr, who was helplessly writhing around. He pulled out the back of Petr's pants and poured the contents of the container into the crook's slacks. Ticks. They were ticks. How Alex had managed to get hold of so many ticks was not even worth asking. Petr squirmed in fear, practically begging for mercy for his rump, bunghole and package. The whole shebang.

"What is wrong with you, junior?!" Petr howled as the ticks marched down his backside like they knew exactly where to go. The man felt like a stray dog, tick infested and pathetic. 

"What's wrong with you, bad guy?" Alex just smiled, talking back to the man in a sassy and condescending manner. Alex felt a little sorry for the ticks and hoped they didn't have a sense of smell because they'd probably choke to death on the foul and ripe smell of Petr's tokus. The walking blob thrashed around trying to escape from the chair but it was no use.

"Eeek!" Petr cried in a prissy tone. The ticks were getting started on their business now, sinking their little bodies into Petr's crack and anus. The little creatures sunk deep into the plush flesh, savouring every second. Petr cried out in agony as the intolerable itching made his bunghole itch. The little things were puncturing his anus!

But that wasn't all Alex had in store for Petr Beaupre... Oh no. Petr could only dream that the ticks were the end of it. Alex rummaged around in a little bag that was hanging from his shoulder and pulled out a wig. A blonde, tacky, wig that belonged on the head of a balding old hooker. He then pulled a can of spray-on fake tan, and then a stick of red lipstick. 

"Ever played dress up before?" Alex laughed as he placed the terrible quality wig on Petr's head. The pot bellied bandit shrieked in protest. The wig seemed to fit perfectly as though it was made for the head of a humiliated, emasculated pipsqueak such as Petr. Petr pursed his lips in a prissy fashion, not knowing how utterly fitting that looked. Then Alex got to work on the spray tan, making the criminal mastermind look like a slutty bimbo who had spent too long in a tanning bed. He was a putrid shade of orange now. Alex then added a final touch, the alarmingly bright red lipstick. He smeared it on to Petr's face giving him even more of a messy bimbo look.

This was a man who had escaped the law for seven years and was feared and respected in the criminal world. And now he was stuck in a chair, looking like a caked up slut of a bimbo. It was such a hilariously deserving fate, and Alex was laughing so hard he got cramps. Petr looked so dumb that anyone with a sense of humor would be laughing their ass off by now. He looked like a total airhead, the epitome of a dumb blonde. 

It was hard to believe the birdbrained Barbie in front of him was in fact a  well respected criminal. The thought made Alex giggle. But even then, Petr hadn't seen the end of this treatment. 

Alex pulled another box from the bag, this time the contents looked like they were squirming all over the place. Alex then shoved a plastic funnel into Petr's cock pocket. He took off the lid of the container and Petr wanted to scream. Bugs! Creepy crawlies of all different shapes and sizes were running around aimlessly in the box. It was food for Stan's parrot. But not any more. Now it was food for Petr Beaupre! The big headed bimbo wench in a chair. Petr's rump released a pack of musty singsong farts in fear. 

"Dinner's served! Open wide!" Alex began to pour the bugs into Petr's puckered mouth which was being kept open by the funnel. The little colony of bugs slipped down the funnel effortlessly and Petr grimaced in disgust as he felt their tiny limbs touch his tongue. The sensation was strange and ticklish. There were crickets, ladybugs, catepillars, termites, roaches, woodlice, dung beetles. You name it! Petr's disgusting mouth seemed like the perfect home for these critters. The ticks were still getting to work on his chocolate starfish and inside his cocoa canyon. The agonizing itching of the ticks and the tormenting tickles of the bugs was all too much for Petr. 

"Eeeeeeeeeeee!" Petr yelped muffedly. Alex then grabbed a bag of ants and poured the little fuckers into Petr's mouth. Petr's mouth was a bug ball! The things were everywhere! Petr felt his cheeks puff up from the stings. Alex then grabbed a tube of mayonnaise and squirted it down the funnel. Blooorp!

Petr's disgustingly oversized belly gurgled as the revolting combination of bugs and mayonnaise slid down his throat. Petr felt as though he was getting fatter by the second. The farts couldn't contain themself at this point. The gas had a mind of it's own, and each humiliating toot more pungent than before. The ditzy bimbo was completely overpowered and incapable of fighting back whatsoever. Now mango had been added to the mix, the tangy fruit slithering down his throat like a slug. 

Petr's bowels couldn't take it anymore. Rancid, zingy shit began to pour out of his cornhole like a waterfall. It didn't seem to be humanly possible but Petr had found a way. The avalanche of bum custard rained down on the floor with almighty force. There were bugs squirming around in it and the color was a putrid creamy orange. The sight was something that even someone with a strong stomach couldn't handle. Petr could feel the bugs crawling out of his o-ring , finally tasting freedom again. Alex threw up from the absolutely repulsive stink of it all but he had to keep going. Somehow, the sissy side of Petr was enjoying this. But the wanted criminal side was disgusted and tortured. The shit was still gushing from his ass, as Alex began to shovel peanut butter into the crook's mouth. Then he added ketchup. Then a tin of sweetcorn. Then honey. Then mustard. The sounds Petr's sissy bum were producing were bordering on inhuman. Petr's arrogance still remained, however.

 

Meanwhile the other three seemed a lot more composed than the blubbering mess downstairs. Unger suddenly heard a strange noise, it sounded like someone singing!

"Green eyed lady, lovely lady." A weird voice rang through the house. Unger had no idea what to expect!


	18. Green Eyed Lady

Unger cautiously moved closer to the ominous singer, unsure what to expect. Was this another one of Alex's traps?

He gently nudged the door open with his big stomper. The shower was on and hot steam was misting up the room. There was a silhouette of an unidentifiable person behind the shower curtain If this was Alex, then he had the little tyke cornered! The wisecracking crook grinned at the thought of there being a hot girl behind the curtain. The piercing and smug singing continued to ring throughout the compact bathroom. 

Unger pulled back the curtains and the smile on his face disappeared when he realized it was simply a cardboard cutout of a naked woman. There sat a green parrot, still singing away with a passionate energy. The parrot seemed so knowing, it seemed like it knew Unger better than he knew himself.

"Sorry Charlie!" The parrot swooped down and landed condescendingly on Unger's gun "This just ain't your day." 

The look of disappointment, defeat and bottled up rage on Unger's face was absolutely priceless. If Alex had been there to see it then he would've taken a picture and framed it. The parrot had such a tight grasp on Unger's gun it could probably take it off him. Again, had Alex been there he would've warned Unger to 'never underestimate a Pruitt pet'. With a brutal force, the parrot had taken the gun right out of Unger's hands. Unger looked down at the little green creature and snarled villainously.

"How'd ya get my gun, you green piece of shit?" He asked, slightly in awe of the bird's abilities. Unger had way too many experiences with green pieces of shit... The more literal kind. Spending time with Petr and Jernigan put a man through a whole lot of shit you couldn't unsee and a whole lot of shit you couldn't unsmell. 

"Green eyed lady, lovely lady!" The parrot sung, bobbing its head up and down, as though it was pretending to not understand what Unger was saying. Also 'lady'? Did the parrot think Unger was a chick? He felt vaguely offended by the parrot's connotations.

"Yeah yeah, sing all you like. I want my gun back." Unger tried to grab his gun back but the bird was persistent, pecking at his hands in objection. The bird turned it's back to the man and sent a piece of shit flying into his face. 

"Everything in this house is out for blood, huh?" Unger sighed, wiping the parrot shit off his face with a flannel. The parrot saw this as an opportunity to take him by surprise. The events which followed were unimaginable. The Pruitt parrot knocked the muscular crook over so he was slung over the bathtub like a used towel. Unger didn't like where this was going. He tried to get up but the parrot pecked violently at him, it's beak was so sharp that it managed to draw blood. The parrot was so fast moving and it seemed to predict any move he'd make. It was like a lethal little assassin. 

Although it wasn't Earl Unger's day, it was certainly the parrots day. The green creature dove headfirst into Unger's ass, right through the inviting tear in his tight-fitting blue pants. The parrot was almost suffocated by his buttocks but burrowed deeper in the warm and soft crevice. The parrot was like a drill. Unger moaned out in pain, mortified at the sticky mishap he'd got himself into this time. 

"Help. I'm being raped by a fucking parrot." Unger said nonchalantly as the parrot went hogwild in his backside. This was a fate befitting to Jernigan, not him! The bird pecked at his opening reminding him of how degrading the situation was with each and every peck. A set of conveniently placed mouse traps clamped both of his hands and both of his feet. A string of profanities escaped Ungers mouth as the bird's beak penetrated him. His buttcheeks spasmed in both disgust and ecstasy as the bird thrusted in and out. The bird continued to sing charismatically even while inside him. Unger howled out in pain like a wolf at the moon, his eyes rolling backwards and drool dripping from his mouth. 

Earl Unger was getting fucked over a bathtub by a parrot. Could he ever live this down?

The parrot then took a shit in his asshole! Unger shuddered and tried to get up but slipped on the moist surface of the bathtub. He'd now fallen into the tub and was contorted into an unnatural shape. It was a filthy scene to behold. The parrot delightfully ramming it's body into his hole. The parrot was so enthusiastic and full of energy that it made Unger mad in the worst kind of way. The humiliation was on a whole different plane of existence. The little green bird clawed at his asshole, probably leaving what would end up as permanent scars, both mentally and physically. The situation was just so grimy and raw. 

The man's egotistical brain felt horrified at the situation. But at the same time this was merely a dent in his pride. Traumatizing? Maybe. But Earl Unger had enough trauma in his life, one instance of bird rape wouldn't stop him from being the overconfident, snide guy he always was. 

"Faggot! Faggot!" The parrot squawked. The creature seemed way too intelligent for its own good. Unger couldn't believe a parrot was calling him names like this. A fucking parrot.

Unger was trying to avoid making sounds, he didn't want to attract the attention of the other two. He could just imagine the freaked out looks on his teammates faces as they saw their apparent equal being utterly demolished by a little kid's bird. It was an obscene and tacky scene. Then the parrot grabbed Unger's gun and violently shoved it into his ass, making him moan on impact. Unger was disgusted and almost crying because of how powerless he was. The cold metal of the gun entering his body was painful and sickening. It seemed to go in deeper than he even realized was possible. He bit his lip holding in a scream, so hard that blood began to trickle down his face. The cold metal repeatedly penetrated him and thrusted in and out making his entire body ache. The warm atmosphere made it easier for the gun to enter him. The fact that the parrot had the ability to pull the trigger at any moment put Unger on edge. 

Eventually it seemed as though the parrot was through with it. It was bored of the situation and flew out of the room, leaving Unger a violated, tattered mess in the bathtub. 

 

 Meanwhile Petr Beaupre was still receiving his just desserts downstairs. Alex opened the fridge and looked around, from the corner of his eye he could see the bimbofied Beaupre shaking in agony and fearfully anticipating what his next method of torture would be.

Alex turned around and Petr was almost paralyzed in shock when he saw what the patriotic Pruitt was holding. It was an octopus! A live octopus! The alien-like creature squirmed around in his arms as he carried it over to Petr. Petr wanted more than anything to suck his thumb like the hurt little bubba he was. A restless pip made it's way through Petr's dastardly buttocks. 

Again, Alex pulled out the back of Petr's pants and threw the octopus.

"Later!" He laughed and ran out of the room. Leaving the sea creature and man to their own devices.

Petr felt a tentacle slowly run along his slit. He shivered and then... Started to cry like a baby! He was really playing the part of the prissy blonde diva now. The octopus's tentacle began to wrap around his cock, teasing him. Petr was half enjoying this but the other half of him felt so violated. The octopus then stuck a smooth and sticky tentacle up his brown eye. Another tentacle joined the first. Petr squeaked in a strange state of euphoria. The tentacle was so far inside him it could probably feel his stomach. He felt his battered cock grow hard, his mind was saying no but his dick seemed to be feeling otherwise. He couldn't resist it any longer. The octopus's other tentacles reached up and tweeked his tender nipples, making him cum. The mystical seeming creature's suckers pressed hard on his miniscule cock and massaged it softly. The joy and bliss made his weak bladder let loose, and now there was hot, soaking wet piss covering his once pristine slacks. The mayonnaise concoction beneath him seemed to piling up by the second, at this point the only feces his ass could seem to produce was squitty waterish transparent shit. 

One of the tentacles reached far into his anus and pulled out a turd. It then proceeded to shove the turd back up his red bum, making him bawl in embarrassment. He was still crying and at this point he was unsure whether it was pained or happy crying. Whatever the situation, he felt like a big baby.

"Oops! I forgot something!" Alex opened the door and threw in a pack of poofy, crinkly diapers. Pssh! He didn't need diapers! He was a criminal mastermind. He could control his bowels! 

 

Upstairs, Jernigan and Alice were exploring the rooms. Little did they know, a little rat had a lot in store for those dirty crooks!

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Alice stopped at the doorway, a suspiciously smug shape lay smothered with blankets on the bed. It looked a lot like an 8 year old boy.

She turned to Jernigan and gestured for him to approach silently and cautiously. She suspected it would be hard for him to hold one in for that long but he was just going to have to.

"Mr. Jernigan!" She hissed, this caught the bumbling hacker's attention.

He crept over, his clomping feet doing nothing to hide their presence.

Once they were both at the door, they decided to pull out their guns and open the door to catch the puny paragon before he could pull any other traps on them. But to their surprise there was no movement from the shape on the bed.

They exchanged confused looks as Jernigan let a particularly leering, whiffy one into the world, perhaps as a warning to the kid to see if he wanted to surrender before they dealt with him.

The pair edged further into the room, Jernigan staying in the doorway to mull in his fart while Alice put her gun away and snuck over to the bed.

"Go, Doris, go!" Alex urged the white rat that may've well been a white steed by now. He'd left the big ballooning baby in the kitchen where he belonged, but he wasn't done with him just yet.

The little rat scurried towards where Jernigan was standing, the loose brown trousers he was wearing now had a massive hole in the ass leading through to his crotch where the eels had penetrated earlier. She climbed up his leg, finding it so easy and fun to crawl up as Jernigan was slightly leaning backwards. She burrowed through the ripped hole, just in time to see a smooth plop roll apathetically from his bumole as if it required no pressure to push it out - that's how loose his hole had become! Doris then adventured upwards until she was poking out of the crotch area as if she was Jernigan's cock! He remained oblivious.

Meanwhile, Alice took a hockey stick from the room and neared the boy, not realizing she was walking right into yet another well planned humiliation.

Suddenly, the duvet rose, Alex was moving!

In one swift action, she pulled the cover away with the stick, ready to meet the very devil who had caused them many miseries. 

A... Monkey?!

"Aha ha ha ha ha ha!" Jernigan chortled, it was just such a silly situation, a monkey! That little tyke had hid a monkey under the covers and they had fallen for it! It was hilarious to the crook, despite it meaning that they hadn't found the boy, it was just too damn funny!

"Shut up!" Alice scowled, it was so embarrassing to have even Jernigan laughing at her, gassy Jernigan! THE Jernigan that got fucked by eels not long ago!

Jernigan continued to wheeze. Alice picked up the pump, realizing that she'd stepped on it as she'd walked in causing the monkey to be lifted slightly, she turned about to make a snarky comment to her colleague.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed instead, sounding nothing like her usual sophisticated self, now she sounded like nothing but a bratty baby girl! Screaming over an adorable rat like Doris?! That was something only squeamish little girls would do!

Jernigan looked shocked, Alice was acting like a pathetic ten year old girl! But it also unnerved him, what would scare Alice?! He let out a panicked pop.

"D-don't move!" She stammered, raising the hockey stick, she was prepared to lay a hand on DORIS!

"Alice?" Jernigan wanted an explanation. Now. Another skinny one was ripped.

No reply.

"Alice?" He repeated, this time releasing a sloppy, scaredy cat of a stench.

She raised the stick higher.

"ALICE?!" Jernigan was almost howling. He let out a butt-bark in fear.

Alice shushed him and positioned herself to take a swing at the harmless, amazing rat.

"ALICE?!!" Jernigan looked so hurt and confused, was she going to hit him?! A fat one dropped like a stinkbomb.

He looked around for a reason for this strange behaviour and then.

SLAM!

Luckily, Doris, being the clever girl she is, jumped from his pants in time to be safe from the whooping he received.

Jernigan's voice raised to a pitiful falsetto as he cried out in pain, reaching high notes he'd never thought possible beforehand. His eyes bugging out and his mouth going slack-jawed, he sunk to his knees - clutching his pounding cock and balls.

Just as Alex ran out to his next hiding spot, Unger appeared on the scene, having managed to regain his composure and leave the bathroom, he ran at the little lionheart, his face livid as he called out for the others.

Alice sped out of the bedroom, determined to catch the culprit behind it all. But alas, the clumsy crooks collided! Alice smashed into Unger's side, causing both of them to toppled to ground.

Alex backed away, Doris huddled in his arms, a look of smug disgust passed over his face as the pair of criminals rolled back, legs in the air, big bums on display, he got another view of the comically placed rip in Unger's stupidly tight trousers.

Alice held her head in pain, writhing and feeling like a massive dum-dum. Unger shot up, his face showing a whole other level of rage than Alex had ever seen before, it was unbelievable how angry he looked. He was positively fuming and Alex could imagine steam coming out of his ear. Alex slammed the door at the exact right time for it to launch  Unger's head, sending him flying backwards again into a tangled up heap on the floor.

 "You smacked my winky!" Jernigan said, outraged to the point he was reduced to using such a childish word to described his damaged dick. He felt like such an underling, who could just be hit and shoved and smacked around.

"If you changed your shorts once in a while, maybe you wouldn't have rats in your pants!" Alice spat, of course the rat would head for Jernigan's butt with all the fucking cheesy ones he was letting rip the whole day, she didn't expect anything else from the rodent. Little did she know, Doris wasn't any old rodent and in fact she was just acting on the orders from her best friend, the equally adorable, Alex!

Jernigan huffed. And his turd-mobile puffed.

Alex quickly jumped into the dumbwaiter and sent himself down to the kitchen, ready to continue with Petr's punishment.

The other crooks ran up to the top, by the time they arrived, Alex was long gone, but they had arrived just in time to see the dumbwaiter arrive at the top again.

"Stupid kid." Unger smirked. He headed over to it and squeezed in, it was a tight fit with his big butt.

"Stay here in case he comes back, I'll be in the basement." He said, assuming Alex had gone as far away as possible.

Once down in the basement, Unger was already feeling extremely cramped, he wasn't made for this sort of contraption, he was very excited to be able to open the door.

"Shit!" He swore, banging against the lodged door, he was not getting out that easily.

Inside the kitchen, Alex was circling the bimbo which was once Beaupre.

"Well, well, well, I see you didn't put on your diapers, you big baby!" Alex scolded him, giggling.

Petr was still trumpeting every second, his stomach wasn't going to settle for a long, long time.

"If you're not gonna wear your diapers then I have something else for a tantrum tot like you!" Alex revealed a big dummy for the even bigger dumbo!

He shoved it in the stinky sissy before he could protest. "Take it out and I'll bring back the ticks!" Alex threatened.

Petr suckled on the dummy, finding comfort in it.

Alex watched it bob up and down in the man's mouth with disgust, "I didn't ask you to suckle on it, weirdo! You're actually enjoying it!"

Petr's face burned with embarrassment, he really was just a massive infant, shitting his pants and sucking on a dummy!

Alex got out a camera, "I will always remember this, Beaupre and his binky!"

He erupted into a fit of giggles. 

"I'm gonna be leaving you in the care of a certain beaked buddy of mine!" Alex grinned, he could hear banging down in the basement and sensed he was needed elsewhere.

The parrot flew in, ready to start a party.

It pulled the dummy from Petr's mouth.

"You won't be needing that anymore!" The parrot screeched.

Petr, overcome by the situation, began to blubber and snivel when his dummy was taken away.

"Big baby bandit!" The parrot hollered. "Bend over! Bend over!" 

Petr couldn't think of anything to do other than obliged, the parrot cut his ties from the chair, but kept his hands tied together, and he still didn't run away, he knew if he did he was just gonna leave a trail of shit everywhere and he didn't want his team find him this way!

He bent over, showing off his shit-filled pants, they were overflowing with diarrhea of the worst kind.

"Something stinks!" The parrot yelled as it took his pants by the waistband and dropped them.

His galumphing gargoyle of a gurgling, gas-machine was brown. It was smothered in doodie and was sore and battered, his puckered posy was dripping with all sorts.

The parrot shoved the dummy up his crumbhole and twisting it round as if it were a toy. Once again, his penis was throbbing with desire as he experienced what it felt like to be a clockwork toy. 

He felt like he needed to act like one, he had a strange desire to do some sort of silly sissy dance once the twisting had stopped as if he had been winded up and now had to perform for some children. 

The parrot stopped twisting and he began to dance, awkwardly trying to be a big ballet hippo-sissy again but struggling with his pants around his ankles, shit still spewing from his hole.

"What are you doing, baby bandit?!" Even the parrot was confused as Petr tripped over his drawers and flopped onto the floor, sending a tremor down his fat, a ripple effect on his flesh.

There was shit everywhere. Petr felt like such a big smelly sissy, it was starting to turn him on.

The parrot busied itself, plugging in an electric whisk, switching onto the lowest setting and flying down to Petr's aching asshole, it plopped the whisk into it.

Petr screamed out in excruciating pain as the whisk swirled around slowly but surely, it was so strong he felt as though it was loosening his butthole by the second. He roared and writhed around in his own excrement, he was such a pathetic baby.

His butthole was churned up, rubbed in ever direction, it was such a strange experience, as he continued to belch out squitty shit, the whisk began to froth up his poo, getting it all lathered, it was almost as if when you whisk up marmite and it becomes pale from the air bubbles, his previously orange concoction had turned to a pale mixture which was smooth and velvety to touch. It had been whipped to perfection.

"Drink your milk or you won't get big and strong, bandit baby!" The parrot picked up an straw with it's teeth and shoved it in the sniffling sissy's mouth, ordering him to suck up his thick, buttery shit.

He sucked it up, hoping to avoid worse punishments, spluttering and retching on every droplet. 

"Now do it with your asshole, bandit!" The parrot grabbed another straw and shoved it where the whisk had been. Petr had to suck it up back where it came from, using only his glutinous glute!

Back in the basement, Alex had ran down to find out which unlucky crook had made their way down. He'd shoved a chair up against the door to make sure they couldn't escape. 

He pulled open the door and found Earl Unger!

"Come here, you little piece of shit!" He growled, ready to pounce but then realising he was stuck!

"Guess your butt was just too big!" Alex grinned as he was the man try and push his way out but to no avail.

"Shut up, you little bugger!" Unger felt so helpless lodged in the dumbwaiter, Alex was right his butt was too big!

Alex ran back up to the kitchen and grabbed a large bottle of water and ran back down.

"What the fuck is that for?!" Unger looked confused, why had he gotten a drink.

"For you!" Alex laughed, God this crook was stupid!

"Oh great, you're gonna chuck that shit on me aren't you? Hilarious." He readied himself for the cold water, for him, this was basically nothing at this point.

"Nope!" Alex said, smugly. 

"Then what the fuck are you gonna do with it?" Unger watched as Alex scurried off somewhere in the basement, before he knew it the kid was back and had ziptied his hands and feet together, he was speedy!

"Open wide!" Alex shoved the water into the criminal's mouth, who coughed and spluttered. 

Alex squeezed the bottle so the water rushed out, Unger was gonna have to swallow it. 

"Get offa me!" He choked on the waterfall that was being forced into his mouth.

"Was that refreshing?" Alex said, hands on hips as he came to the end of the bottle.

"I don't know what the fuck you're tryna do to me, you little shithead." Unger just wanted to kill him. It wasn't fair! He was right in front of him! 

"You'll see." Alex took out Doris and began to pet her calmly, cracking a few knock knock jokes for rats every now and then.

It wasn't long before Unger realized what the tyke had planned for him when he felt a familiar twinge in his lower abdomen. He needed to piss. And badly.

"I'm not gonna piss myself in front of this fucker!" He tried to tell himself but the urge grew stronger.

"Drip." Alex piped up as he saw the villain begin to squirm slightly.

"What the fuck?" Unger questioned the kid as he fidgeted in his confined space.

"Drip. Drip. Drip." Alex taunted the desperate man. "Been to the beach recently? I love the beach, I love watching the ocean and all the waves!"

"You've gone fucking crazy." Unger shook his head, attempting to pretend he had no clue what the kid was doing, now tapping his foot slightly to try and stop the desperation.

"I love swimming in the sea and just being able to feel so free in the vast ocean, there's just so much water!" Alex continued, Doris squeaking along happily.

"Shut up, kid!" Unger hissed, clenching his muscles as much as he could.

"Why!" Alex asked with faux innocence.

"Just fucking shut up, you worthless piece of shit!" This was all to much for the international criminal! He was about wee himself in front of an eight year old kid!

"But why?!" Alex tried not to giggle. 

Unger's upper lip twitched, trying to remain composed but inside he was a mess. 

"Hey, Doris, remember that time we went to the waterpark on a school trip and I hid you in my backpack!" Alex reminisced about a cute memory. "There were so many waterslides and everyone was splashing around having so much fun in all the water!"

Unger couldn't hold it any longer.

"Ah fuck!" He gasped as a wet patch formed on his tight blue pants, hot piss running out in a stream.

"You weed yourself!" Alex did a happy dance with Doris. "You actually weed yourself! You're supposed to be hardcore!" 

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" The pathetic, big-nosed villain cursed as tried to force his way out. 

"Keep your arms, and feet, and head inside the ride!" Alex gave the crook a word of warning as he shut the door to the dumbwaiter and sent him back up to the attic.

Upstairs, Alice and Jernigan had been waiting in the attic and poised their guns as they heard the lift arriving, thinking it could be Alex.

Alice opened the door, ready for anything.

"Mr. Unger, what the hell?!" She exclaimed, noticing the wet patch.

"Get me outta here, ya dumb broad!" He snarled.

"Unger, I see you have urinated!" Jernigan said with a big grin.

"Fuck off, Jernigan." Unger continued to try and get out. "Are you just gonna fucking leave me here?!"

"I don't really wanna touch you if you've just PISSED yourself!" Alice hissed.

"Alice said piss! Alice said piss!" Jernigan jumped up and down with glee before realising he'd unlodged a hard stool that had been acting as a plug for his looser shit. "Oh no!"

A gush of diarrhea was expelled from his asshole, making a telltale dribbling noise.

Upon hearing this, Alice decided it was a better idea to help Unger rather than have to stick around with shitty Jernigan. 


	20. Butt squeezing, it's the season

Alex was happily nibbling on some cheesy snacks and sharing the cheesy goodness with Doris. He smiled to himself, knowing the crooks could never truly appreciate the simple things in life. Like sharing a packet of cheesy niblets with Doris or dancing around with underwear on their heads listening to crazy, gnarly tunes. Alex shook his head in disgust at living a life like that. Doris seemed to agree with him and shook her little head too. 

Suddenly, Alex heard a knock on the door and jumped in fright unsure what to expect from this noise. 

"Okay Doris, let's go check it out..." Alex murmured to his little rat and petting her on the head. Doris chirped as if to say 'yes Alex!'. 

Alex reached the door and opened it, and much to his surprise it was a familiar face. It was his pal a few grades above him, Kevin McCallister from school! 

"I can almost smell the crooks from here..." Kevin said, after greeting his little friend.

"How'd you know there were crooks?" Alex asked, giving Doris a confused look.

"It's just a kid's intuition." Kevin laughed "I see you've already trapped up the place, but you're still a rookie when it comes to this. You're gonna need a little help from a pro."

Alex was confused, when had Kevin done this before? Now was not the time to ask questions, however. It was time for action! Foolproof, crook busting action!

 

Back in the attic, the three musketeers were cautiously minding each and every step they took. This crafty kid was capable of anything. Jernigan released a sour and yeasty fart into the air out of suspense. His bunghole seemed to vacuum his pants inside him, leaving his hole on display. Jernigan, distracted by the butthole blitz that was currently taking place, tripped and fell into a circle of rope on the floor.

"Ahhhh! Alice! Unger!" The haughty hacker was hoisted into the air. He was now dangling ridiculously from the ceiling upside down, looking like a birdbrained nincompoop. The rope was very constricting and rubbed against his legs causing an exciting but painful friction. 

"Of course you had to go and get caught in a fuckin' trap." Unger put a hand to his face in disappointment as he looked up at the mess that was Burton Jernigan. Jernigan continued to swing uselessly, it was truly getting him nowhere. A ensemble of farts seemed to break out of his bum in revolt. The laws of physics were really coming in to play here, this situation didn't seem like it should be physically possible but yet somehow it was playing out in front of them. 

Alice just stood there and watched with a jaded look on her beautiful faces. She had seen enough of this. Jernigan's big buttocks were jiggling exaggeratedly as he swung from side to side like a pendulum. He was crying like a helpless little baby,  this trap was ruthless and brutal. 

Unger was laughing his ass off at the slapstick scenario that played out in front of him. Was helping Jernigan even worth it? Unger thought to himself. But eventually he decided against it. The swinging Jernigan was way too funny. 

"Baahhhhh!" Jernigan howled as he rhythmically swung from one side of the room to another. Suddenly he felt something squishy and sloppy slam into his face with such brute force. It was a tomato. 

"Pow!" Alex's smug little face popped up, but this time he was joined by another kid. And they both had a basket of tomatoes. Jernigan grimaced in dread as he saw the red orbs being pelted towards his suspended body. Unger decided to get in on the action and grabbed a tomato too, hurling the thing at Jernigan's suffering face.

"Blerrrrp!" As the tomato hit Jernigan's belly, a loud and unmistakable noise rang through the room, echoing. A pungent odor of rotten fruit, eggs and yeast began to fill the air as everyone in the room gagged. 

"Bzzzrp!" Another was let go.

"Pee-ew!" Alex held his nose and made a fanning motion with his hand "What have you been eating?" 

"Did the crook crap his pants?" Kevin asked, tauntingly. Jernigan turned bright red, he was truly being pushed off the edge. The humiliation was reaching a whole different level now another kid was thrown into the mix. The shape of his cornhole was still visible on his vile brown pants. It was like a glowing neon sign pointing to where the gas was coming from. It practically screamed 'I farted!'. 

"Unger!" Alice said, sharply "Don't get involved with their childish games, this will only inconvenience us."

"Fine, fine."Unger looked dejectedly back at the basket of tomatoes. 

"Let's help Mr. Jernigan." Alice instructed her teammate. Unger grabbed the wire cutters from his pocket and cut through the rope which was currently suspending Jernigan. Jernigan breathed a loud sigh of relief as he hit the floor and his bum joined in with a relieved toot. 

 

Petr was still being subjected to torture from the pesky little parrot in the kitchen. The parrot flew over to the cupboard and came flying back holding a bottle of ketchup. It didn't take a genius to guess where this situation was going. The bird seemed to have a smarmy look on it's face, if that was even possible.

"These buns need some ketchup!" The parrot squawked, opening the lid and letting the sludgy ketchup squirt out into his loosen and flaming asshole. The red fluid seemed to sliver into his cinnamon ring like a slug to a fresh cabbage batch. The cold liquid was strangely soothing for his anus. His bum let out a pipsqueak in rebuttal which made the ketchup inside him bubble. His clueless clacker flamed up in irritation, the ketchup now seemed to be having the opposite effect, making his asshole itch. But that wasn't all for the parrot. It grabbed a bag of brown light brown powder and flew over to the squealing Petr who felt like a little piggie. 

The parrot opened the bag and poured in the powder. Much to his suspicions, the ominous powder was what he had believed it to be. Itching powder. The agonizingly hot rush of pain spread through his anus. He was powerless and just had to lie there and accept his fate. The scorching hot and painstakingly itchy substance coated his chocolate starfish and filled his rancid rectum. The prickling sensation felt like a thousand needles stabbing his bunghole in unison. 

"Ahhhhhhh!" He shrieked as he felt red hot diarrhea bubbling up in the backseat. It was like a volcano that was ready to explode. His bum wasn't prepared for this kind of torture and it wiggled in despair, as if the cottage cheese monster of a tush had a mind of its own. 

The shit began to bubble and spurt like a boiling kettle about to go off. And then it did. The cartoonish spray of orange shit was sprinkled across the room and it just kept going. Bugs were coming out too! The smell of the room would be enough to choke a small kid. It was like unrealistic bloodshed from a horror movie, it spurted out so wildly and uncontrollably that even Petr himself was not prepared for this conundrum. His aching orifice was exhausted but his body wouldn't stop mass producing the flaming hot shit. The kitchen was soaked. The parrot then lodged a fork into Petr's backside, which pulled out a round and shapely turd. The parrot flew round to Petr's face and shoved this thing into his mouth, gagging him. 

The shit was still spewing from his anus like chili sauce. It was so spicy and inflamed that it was practically shit curry of the highest calibre! Petr's buttcheeks were practically neon red at this point. The hulking sissy was leaking all over the kitchen. It was so unhygienic! Now the shit was a mustard-like yellow as it continued to spurt and bubble.

 

Meanwhile in the attic, the shitshow involving Jernigan had come to an end but this wasn't remotely close to the end of Alex's rollercoaster ride of a day he had in store for the vengeful villains. 

"Aww you got down, stinkbomb!" Alex teased the smelly beast that was Jernigan. 

"Don't... Do this." Jernigan hissed immaturely at the cute little boy. 

"Look, there's an air vent..." Alice gestured to a large vent on the wall. "What if he's hidden it down there? Even if not, the kid probably hasn't bothered to set traps in the air vent..."

The three criminals began to head towards it. Alice went first, and successfully. Unger went second, but this time it didn't go exactly to plan. 

"Shit.." Unger said under his breath as he realised his bum wasn't fitting through. He didn't know how to tell the others, he knew he'd just be relentlessly mocked and laughed at for days, or even weeks on end. Jernigan noticed Unger's predicament and began to laugh uncontrollably. 

"Shaddup Jernigan." Unger hissed, hopelessly shuffling in the small hole. 

"Can't fit your big butt through the hole?" Kevin asked, mimicking crying. 

"Shut the fuck UP!" Unger shouted.

"Mr Unger... If you're having so much trouble then just get out. Leave this to me." Alice turned to face Unger who was looking down in shame. Alice's feet squirmed indignantly.

Jernigan bent down to attempt to push Unger through, letting out a squeaky one in the process. Jernigan grabbed Unger by the buttocks and began to push him in violently.

"What the fuck're ya doing, Jernigan!?" Unger yelled as he felt the other man's hands on his soft buttocks. "That's fucking weird, Jernigan!"

"I'm helping you." Jernigan said. He then wondered if some butter would help Unger get through. He didn't want to go all the way to the kitchen so he'd realized he had to make do. Tomato juice. 

Jernigan began to slather the red juice of the tomato on to Unger's behind.

"This will make him slide through in no time!" Jernigan told the others.  Meanwhile Alex and Kevin were practically in tears from laughing so hard at the ludicrous situation.  The goopy red liquid felt strange on Unger's behind, but shockingly enough it actually seemed to be helping him get through. Unger was way too petty to thank Jernigan for that, it was practically sexual harassment.  Unger's big buns were sliding through, slowly but surely. When he'd managed to get through, Jernigan then joined the other two. As soon as he got in he released a rancid smell which made Unger and Alice cough and splutter in disgust.

"Sorry." Jernigan reluctantly apologized for the stagnant air that his bum had produced. 

Just when they thought they'd successfully entered the air vent, they were joined by an unexpected companion. A dog! This was the dog from earlier!

The mighty mutt began to claw at Jernigan's buttcrack as if there was a tasty treat in there.

"Help!" Jernigan shrieked as the dog began to headbutt his writhing tokus. 

Alex and Kevin exchanged a triumphant look. These crooks weren't prepared in the slightest. And after all, this was Alex's town!


	21. I go a little bit crazy sometimes

Who let the dogs out? That question wasn't hard to answer... It was Alex! The itty bitty man of the hour always seemed to have something up his sleeve. And the crooks had really thought they'd outsmarted Alex this time...

"Ouchie!" Jernigan said, feeling a strange sensation on his tuchis. He struggled to turn his head but gradually turned round to see the barbaric canine gently nudging him right in the ham flower. He swallowed a scream as to not draw attention to himself, but the dog's forceful nudges were very painful on his raw bunghole. Jernigan mustered up all the gas he had in his bum to let out a sour and bready fart in the dog's face. 

"Plboing!" Jernigan's bum squelched reminiscent of walking through mud. 

"Are you kiddin' me?" Unger turned around to face the burning red Jernigan behind him. "You're gonna shit your pants in here? Man, my sense of smell is gonna be gone by the time we get outta here!" The pungent funk was torture for the nose. Plain and simple. And especially since Unger had such a cartoonishly big nose the smell of of Jernigan's toot affected him intensely. It was like someone released toxic gas into the chute, the fart smelled kind of chemically and like it was probably a hazard to their health. The iffy odor was truly revolting on every level. 

"It was... The dog." Jernigan sighed trying to deny his flatulence unconvincingly. 

Jernigan had a full view of Unger's ass and he was actually rather appreciating the view, although he wasn't attracted to Unger himself. Jernigan resisted the urge to grab it again or even take a bite, it just looked so cushy, squishable and delicious. And he was wiggling it about trying to make his way through the tunnel. Jernigan licked his lips, savouring the view. He could just imagine that Unger would go absolutely apeshit if he could read his thoughts right now. The start of his butt crack was visible too!

The dog behind Jernigan seemed to feel the same way about Jernigan himself, as it nuzzled it's face into his crevice. Jernigan farted in it's face again but the dog wouldn't seem to give it a rest. The barking beast started to slobber all over Jernigan's behind leaving the outline of his butt visible for the world to appreciate. The shit colored and shit stained pants reeked and the dog seemed to be indulging in the vile flavor and stench.  The loose pants seemed to billow out with every fart that escaped his hole, and was sucked back in vacuum style. 

"I let the dogs out!" Alex smugly called down the vent, as he high fived Kevin triumphantly. Just seeing these two pint sized heroes so proud and happy put Unger's teeth on edge. 

Alex then proceeded to throw a tub of glue through the vent, hitting Jernigan slap bang in the backside. The hacker screamed in humiliation as the white fluid began to seep through his contrasting shit-brown pants. It was so gooey and sloppy and disgusting but at the same time there was something weirdly rewarding about the combination of the glue dissolving into his colossal tokus and pants while he had the vision of Unger's bum in front of his very eyes. The goopy concoction made Jernigan feel desperate for a piss, but now was not the time. The warm and gloopy liquid was now making its way into his orifice. The unsavoury feeling put Jernigan on edge and the glue seemed to irritate his sensitive buttcrack. 

"Jernigan, hurry up, buffalo butt!" Unger childishly insulted his mangy coworker, Jernigan replied with a syrupy fart that seemed to drip out of his bunghole like honey. The air smelled so sweet and sickly with the hint of yeasty shit. It was enough to make someone puke.

Suddenly the unmistakable sound of ripping fabric rang throughout the chute and Unger turned his head to see Jernigan with a humiliated expression. The man had really been pushed over the edge. That's right, the mutt had ripped open Jernigan's pants with it's canine jaws, it's awful breath flowing into his asshole and heating it like steam from a kettle. 

"Ow! Little brats!" Jernigan growled as the dog tugged at the shit colored fabric. Jernigan tried to repel the calamity canine with a loud and forceful fart but his gas just seemed to make the dog more keen. At this point the dog's muzzle was now inserted into Jernigan's ass which had grown tired of the 'obstacles' it had encountered. The dog began to snap and bite at his bumcheeks, it was enough to leave a silly looking bitemark but not enough to draw blood. 

Alex, of course, had to take it a step further. He pulled from a bucket, a jellyfish?! How on earth did he obtain a jellyfish? The creature was hurled at the crook's toasty bum with such an immense force there was no way it could possible miss. Jernigan squealed girlishly as the sloppy, transparent creature collided with his twin planets. The monster from the deep began to squirm and writhe and before Jernigan knew it, it had made a home inside his bumhole. The situation was so absurd, especially for a trained and professional criminal like Burton Jernigan. It seemed so unfitting, so unrealistic that a small child had done this to him. Then the jellyfish stung, and boy, when it stung... Jernigan's entire body spasmed with a mind-breaking pain. The experienced criminal yelled like he was being stabbed. Somehow the pain was vaguely orgasmic and it made Jernigan feel slightly ecstatic as well as unbelievably agonized. 

"Gaaaaah!" Jernigan screeched as his entire body trembled. He felt his confused cock grow hard as the gunky critter writhed in his bumhole. 

"Uhh.. Burton Jernigan. What's goin' on with you?" Unger asked, turning his head to see the humiliated and pained Jernigan. The dog was still licking at his gluteal cleft with vigorous passion. Jernigan could barely form a sentence as the jellyfish repeatedly stung and probed his unwilling anal cavity. The mongrel then decided to come to Jernigan's rescue, and pulled the sea creature out of the man's bum as though it were a tasty treat. Jernigan's crusty anus was now infinitely thankful for the dog.

 

Downstairs in the Pruitt family kitchen, Petr had managed to break free of his chains and was now trying to make his way to the others. Mustard hued diarrhea was still spilling from his tokus like a landslide. The itching powder was unstoppable and the damage had been done. He now only dreamed of his once pampered tush being in a clean pair of slacks. 

Petr then remembered the diapers that had been brought in. Was Petr Beaupre, internationally wanted criminal, really going to resort to wearing diapers? Well it seemed it was the practical thing to do. His constant stream of runny poop didn't seem to be coming to an end. He felt so belittled that he, a grown man, and a well-respected, feared criminal of that had to wear diapers. His leaky bum didn't have time to argue, however.

"I guess I have no other choice." Petr said with a heavy sigh as he slipped his leg into the puffy, crinkly diaper. He couldn't remember wearing one of these. The last time must've been when he was a small child and here he was as a grrown adult. The comfy but rough fabric felt weirdly refreshing against his grubby buttocks. Petr almost squealed with happiness as soon as the diaper was on his cottage cheese bum. He felt like a little child again.

"Ooh la la!" Petr giggled, the grizzly and gruesome shit wouldn't stop pouring as Petr started to waddle around in his prissy pants, coo-ing like the little baby he'd been reduced to. A squeaky toot escaped his buttocks making him giggle like a little baby. Petr wiggled his big diapered ass in the face of the parrot, making it squawk in disgust. It seemed even the parrot had morals and was looking down upon the big bulky baby.

"Baby! You're no baby! You're a big, ugly crook!" The parrot squawked and screeched maliciously at the elephantine criminal leader that tottered around like an oversized tyke. The tooting tumble tot just 'ga-ed' in reply. 

"Coowee!" Petr gurgled and let out a splutery fart and magma-like shit. The colossal toddler was in some kind of strange trance after putting on the diaper. He sucked his thumb with a look of childlike innocence on his face. In the back of his mind, something was telling Petr 'Stop! This is humiliating' but the tooting tot that had taken over Petr's body wasn't having it. Petr wanted to drink a bottle of milk and suck on a binky. He again purposely soiled his diaper as he got down on all fours, the rancid stench of rotten meat, fruit and creaminess filled the air as Petr smiled smarmily. 

"Big dirty crook!" The parrot latched onto Petr's diapered behind, pulling down the pampers and revealing his big stinky baby bum. It was covered in dirty rotten shit and flies were now starting to reside there. His tokus had become a resort for little critters of all shapes and sizes and they were surely enjoying their stay. 

The diarrhea began to flow like water from a tap, it was the color of spinach but smelled way worse. His trembling, jellyish buttocks wiggled in joy as the shit poured on to the kitchen floor. Petr just giggled and cooed as his gargantuan belly grumbled and mumbled. 

 

Meanwhile the other three were still attempting to escape through the air vents. Jernigan had just dropped an eggy one and Unger was on his last straw. The tiniest thing would probably make him go absolutely hogwild. 

"Wait, is this thing fucking cracking?" Unger's suspicions were confirmed when the crooks began to lose their balance. The vent had broken! The three crooks, the dog and the jellyfish began to fall and hit the floor. They were in for a nasty surprise as they got there, there was a pineapple conveniently placed under each of their bums. They all erupted into a series of pained screams when the pineapples penetrated their tuchis. 

"Aiieee!" Jernigan yelped as the pineapple entered his dark and musty orifice, the rough surface of the fruit was so excruciatingly painful on his sensitive rectum. He let out an unholy belch from the sheer impact.

"Ahhh fuck!" Unger yelled as the fruit pierced his inside, his ass would NOT be thanking him for that. The agonizing pain was like nothing he'd ever felt before and the sour and tangy juices squirted up into him making him shudder in agony.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Alice screamed femininely as the fruit penetrated her ass. She had been rather fortunate in terms of 'not getting objects and/or animals up her ass' but this had come to an end as the prickly fruit infiltrated her shapely butt.

The criminals sat writhing on the floor, each wallowing in their individual pain. After a few minutes of pain-filled writhing they agreed to each pull the pineapples out of each others bums. The feeling of the pineapple leaving their heineys was so freeing and relieving that they all shared a few seconds at peace with each other, being thankful the mortifying experience had come to an end. The dog sat there, tipping its head in confusion.

"What? Ya want me to shove a pineapple up your ass with a look like that?" Unger hissed at the smug canine that was sat minding its own business.

"Unger. Is this really necessary?" Jernigan turned to face Unger who was pathetically giving the dog a death stare. Jernigan let out a peachy pop of happiness, his bum felt so relieved after the experience was over. 

The crazy criminals were still professionals with big egos, and it seemed no little kid would get in the way of their superiority complexes. Not for now. At least!


	22. That's just a metaphor, I'm just psycho

The sore-bummed crooks were back in the basement thanks to a crafty little king named Alex. This mishap had really set them a few steps back, but they were still itching to find that chip and maybe even get their own back on Alex.

Unger was absolutely livid, his tokus was sore and throbbing in pain, it was practically crying for the abuse to stop. Was this even worth it? He thought to himself. But then remembered what that insane amount of money could do... He would finally be able to live an ideal life, like that of a rockstar. He'd be able to get any girl he wanted and live a wild and crazy life in Las Vegas. Maybe a pineapple up his ass was worth it, he could put this cartoonish humiliation congo in the past and live the way he'd always dreamed of. 

Jernigan was eyeing his teammate up and down, he felt so depraved and savage. He wanted to completely violate Unger and make him pay for the way he'd treated him. He wanted to emotionally break him even more than the pint sized hero had. He wanted total control over Unger's body and mind. Jernigan stared mindlessly at Unger's healthy shaped ass in those tight, tight pants. The need to  grab it was overtaking him and he grit his teeth trying to hold himself back.

"Jernigan? Are you still here?" Alice asked Jernigan who seemed to be staring into space. Well it may have not been space but there were certainly two planets in front of him. 

"S-sorry! I shall get back to work immediately!" Jernigan threw on the professional facade, contrasting heavily with where his mind was in that moment. A rather condescending and sharp fart broke loose from his clenched bunghole. The crisp and willowy scent filled the air with such intensity and the other two were choked by the rotten, putrid anal fumes.

 

Meanwhile in the horrifyingly dirty kitchen, Petr tumbled around like a bumbling infant. 

"Waaaah!" He cried, as he bashed his knee into the leg of a table. Somehow, the grown man had started to bawl like a little baby. The baby mentality was really growing into him. The normal Petr Beaupre would be disgusted and confused by such degenerate behavior, but when he was in the tot mindset, it was a whole different story. His balloon bum was covered in drying shit and bugs that were either dead or struggling to survive and begging to be put out of their misery. The tushie was soft to the touch and felt saggy and worn out. 

"What in the crap is going on here!?" Kevin asked as he entered the unhygienic, repulsive shit stained room. He looked down to see the coo-ing, babbling Petr that was crawling around on all fours.

"Bababa... I need changing." Petr babbled. Followed by a babyish giggle and a hauntingly stinky toot. 

"Gross! This is freakin' gross!" Kevin yelled as the fully grown, cold hearted professional criminal burped in a cutesy tone. 

"Brown eyed lady, lovely lady." Sang the parrot as it pecked at Petr's colossal tuchis and chocolate starfish.

"Kevin, Doris, what in the world has happened to this crook?!" Alex asked struggling to form a sentence, his eyes wide open in disgust. He pinched his nose at the meaty, fruity, sour and mindnumbingly nasty smell that had filled the room like smog. 

"I don't know, but I sure have a plan." Kevin grinned, pulling out a leaf blower from behind his back. Kevin and Alex exchanged a heroic and prideful glance. They highfived and then got to work, Doris still perching on Alex's shoulder. Even Doris looked like she was having a hard time breathing in this thick and sticky air.

Kevin switched on the leaf blower, the powerful force of air came shooting out.

"Yipes!" Alex grinned, though it was a little half hearted thanks to the sulfuric concoction that Petr had been brewing. 

Petr was crawling around aimlessly, with little to no idea of what he was about to experience. While the baby trance had taken over most of his brain, he still had a part of normal Beaupre that was humiliated and mortified at the events that were playing out.

"Let's a go-go!" Alex laughed, grabbing the leaf blower and aiming it directly at Petr's asshole. The brutal force of air went straight inside him, as shit flew left and right. Alex made a grossed out face, he could see all the shit inside Petr's rectum and that was an image that would most likely scar him for the rest of his life. Oily diarrhea dripped out of his o-ring as he continued to gleefully babble. A firm and lengthy turd shot out, colliding with the door of the fridge.

Then, Alex realized that Petr's bum was starting to expand. His saggy cheeks were filling up with air at a steady pace, and so was his belly! He was essentially a whoopee cushion. Kevin gave him a swift kick to the stomach causing the air to exit through his anus in a gigantic blast of stinky, putrid wind. The bum wasn't getting any smaller, however. His cheeks looked and felt like a balloon that had been left for a few days and started to get worn out. Petr's pot belly was rapidly growing to the point it began to touch the floor. The balloon bandit burped and tried to waddle away but he couldn't escape.

Petr felt as though his belly was going to explode from all the air. Debris of shit were flying out of his enlarged bunghole. The funky odor was overpowering but the air from the leaf blower toned it down a few notches. The airy fairy Petr giggled as he saw the vile mess his bum had made.

"I made this!" Petr cooed. 

The gassy lump of a villain felt his entire body get bigger. The already fat fiend was bigger by at least half his size. A booming, bellowing fart that echoed throughout the kitchen came out of his anus as his belly gurgled in surprised at what his bum had just done. The jellyish Beaupre wiggled his ass and then felt the fabric surrounding his crotch become wet as well. It seemed his bladder couldn't take it anymore and had decided to let loose by it's own will. Petr's expanded bumcheeks felt fizzy and airy, it was such a unique sensation. A sloppy and ridiculously cartoonish fart seemed to slip easily out of his tokus. 

"Ew. Ew. Ewww!" Alex said, pinching his nose and swatting at the air around him. The odors and funks were inescapable at the point. The once tidy kitchen had been contaminated by the heiney of a dirty old villain. 

Petr's gurgling gut seemed to ring throughout the room as he tottered around, now at least two times the size he once was. His michelin man-esque body was billowing out and he felt his cock twinge in delight at the loony scenario.

 

"Jernigan, are you gonna quit staring into space or am I gonna have to kick the shit outta you until you can focus again?" Unger asked Jernigan in his trance-like state. He was so encapsulated by Unger's physique that it was distracting him from moving along and being of any help to his comrades. 

The hacker was hot and bothered, he needed to touch Unger, to feel him. Jernigan impulsively reached out his arm and grabbed Unger's asscheek, his nails sinking in to the firm but squishy flesh. He savoured the fleeting moment in which he got to give it a good and well deserved squeeze. It was so addictive to Jernigan, once he had given it a good grab he wanted to go back for more.

"What the FUCK? Jernigan you fuckin' weirdo! Get off me!" Unger yelled, so much murderous rage and malice in his voice. Unger grabbed a toy robot and hurled it at Jernigan, sending the clean-shaven man flying backwards. He tumbled onto the floor, his legs splayed as he let out a waferish and unbecoming series of farts. It sounded like a machine gun, except a hundred times more smelly.

"Don't ever try that shit with me again, you understand?" Unger growled at Jernigan who was still in the same position and farts continued to escape his bum. It was like an orchestra of tokus tunes. 

"I.. I understand." Jernigan nodded, sitting up and attempting to regain his dignity. The acidic and sickly smell of his clunky poots reached Unger's oversized nose and made him feel like vomiting. 

Needless to say, the crooks egos were barely scraped by this unfortunate little situation. But Alex was sure to show them who makes the rules around here.

 


	23. Chapter 23

In the kitchen, the scene was quickly deteriorating further, the ballooning buffoon continued to babble in his gurgling, incoherent baby talk. Kevin and Alex watched from afar, slowly backing away. 

The leaf blower had been switched off, allowing the fat bandit to maintain his gassy form but grow no bigger.

"Why's he talking like a baby?" Kevin asked, to which Alex replied with a simple shrug. This really wasn't the same crook he'd been dealing with earlier, perhaps his true self was being revealed? Alex didn't want to delve to deep into the man's psyche so decided to assume his strange age regression was some sort of reaction to experiencing humiliation beyond his comprehension.

Alex was correct to the certain extent, yes this was a reaction to the embarrassing escapades he'd endured but this was no permanent change, it would not be long before he'regained his composure and returned to his arrogant, self-important self.

"Waaaa! Me want drinkie!" Petr murmured softly, he was rolling around on the floor in all his defecation, adjusting to his new massive form. "Drinkie, drinkie, drinkie!"

Alex and Kevin ignored the crook's excessive echolalia. 

"Poopoo go smelly!" Petr lisped, one finger shoved in his mouth as if to increase the build up of spittle on his lips.

"This is just embarrassing!" Kevin laughed, in a perhaps almost nervous manner. "Can we go serve the other crooks right?"

"I was thinking the same thing." Alex agreed, he really did think the man could do as much damage to himself alone as they could do to him.

"Googoo!" The big baby gurgled, he'd stood up now, bumbling around the kitchen, bashing his belly into various objects. 

Each impact on his belly, forced out a slipshod and lackluster excuse of a fart from his tattered tushie. He wanted to bawl and snivel like a baby each time one was shoved out unceremoniously but he continued despite this.

One particularly hard bash of his tum prompted another unwelcome bout of diarrhea to spew from his smelly soiling-sack. 

"Petey want go beachy!" Petr wanted to make a really outlandish request just as a baby would, purely on the basis that it would allow him to have a pathetic and absurd tantrum. 

"Beachy! Beachy! Beachy!" He continued his ludicrous lallation.

He thrust open the fridge door and squatted below it, looking up at it so he could get the view of a young toddler, he bounced up and down on his cellulite covered cottage cheese bump. 

Even the little bounces of his bottom pushed out a runt of bum-biscuit. He giggled and tittered impatiently, wanting more to come out, perhaps even a solid plop, he had withstood so many runny shits that his cheddarhole was practically begging for a marble of a miscreant mud-ball to drop.

Petr assessed the contents of the fridge, noticing a strange bag of what looked like fresh seaweed! 

"Beachy!" He sucked on his gums, chewing restlessly on his inner lips."Petey got beachy!"

He opened the ziplocked bag and guzzled the contents like a greedy pig.

The slimy leaves had a cold and slippery texture, sliding down his throat like a oily salad, brackish in flavour.

Choking and coughing, the immemorial infant regretted his decision as tot-like tears welled up in his eyes.

He wailed and wailed and wailed until a satisfying "pop" rang out and he made a contented "goo-goo" noise as his eyes went wide in shock.

"Gagahhhh!" He breathed, realising that he'd just released a solid turd from his edamhole which had been acting as a plug keeping in all the air, the big baby deflated rapidly.

He pulled down his nap to let the nugget roll out on it's own accord, he waved at it like a young babe and felt very soppy and gooey.

He crawled over to the shiny new turd and began fussing around over it, batting it back and forth like a cat to a ball of string. He looked all lovey-dovey and dopey as he cooed at his little creation.

"Me name you Poodung!" He prodded the firm tidbit of shit.

"Me love Poodung!" Petr picked up the poop and cradled it in his arms, swinging it back and forth, feeling incredibly cutesy and cuddly.

"Wawa?" He chirruped, feeling his tummy gurgle in rejection of his recent saline dish.

"Wawawa! Petey no feel good!" He placed his plop onto the floor as he clutched his bare belly in pain.

His stomach continued to protest, moaning and groaning, warning him of the liquid shit to come.

But nothing could have prepared him for what was to come. 

Flaming, fiery diarrhea flooded from his gorgonzolahole, molten hot like magma. He screeched and squawked as the piping poo shot out. It smelt strongly of the ocean and rotting seaweed, in fact the seaweed he'd eaten had been very old and had been being stored to use as a fertilizer for plants, the colour of the shit was a pale green, reminiscent of matcha tea, and was frothing and foaming.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He shrieked as the sudsy pistachio poop hit Poodung and melted it on impact.

The sudden introduction to the impermanence of life and how fleeting it is brought him to his senses. The idea of mortality shooting him back to his true age.

He looked around himself, down at the diaper he was currently clad in. 

He concluded that the boy must have made the mess himself and knocked him out and dressed him this way. He had lost the wig along the way and the makeup had been smeared off but the shit stains and fake tan remained as a reminder of his demented and unhinged exploration of age regression.

He would have to find more clothes, and soon, he couldn't let his underlings see him like this!

"Curse that little shit!" He hissed, sopping wet with his own feces.

 In the meantime, the other crooks had been plotting in the basement.

"He's bound to come down here soon and try and make us suffer again, just wait and see." Unger was slouched against the wall. "We'd be idiots to leave this room when the little fucker is obviously gonna try and find us."

"Just stand around and do nothing?" Alice gave him a withering look. "Of course that's what you'd wanna, lazy piece of shit."

"Fine." Unger rolled his eyes, if she tried lifting the weights he did she would crumble! "Come up with a foolproof plan and I'll listen."

"I have a proposition." Jernigan attempted to slither his way into the conversation akin to the way in which a serpentine, reptilian one had just slithered out from his watering hole.

"Fuck off, Jernigan." Unger snapped, he'd been slightly wary of funky smelling man since he'd manhandled him earlier, he really didn't want him and his prying hands near him.

"Okay. If you don't want an infallible plan then silence me." Jernigan shrugged, his turgid turtlehole letting rip a rather self-satisfied squelch. 

"Fine, fine give us your fucking in-falling-ball plan or whatever the fuck you said!" Unger glared at the smirking man.

"It's infallible." Jernigan gave a very smug smile as he corrected his fellow crook. "My plan, is that we go upstairs and take th-"

His explanation was interrupted by the door to the basement opening, the evildoers looked up to see two looming shapes standing in the doorway. Alex and Kevin had arrived.

"Well, well, well," Kevin led the way down. "Looks like you've been cornered, you filthy crooks."

"I'm absolutely terrified." Unger said, sarcasm dripping from his mouth by the gallon.

"You should be, actually!" Alex grinned, Doris nodded.

"Because you scoundrels don't know what we've got up our sleeves." Kevin continued for him.

"And we're both wearing long sleeved tops." Alex arrived at the bottom of the stairs beside Kevin. 

"Alex, would you do the honours?" Kevin handed Alex a small object.

"Why I would be _honoured_!" Alex grabbed it and chucked it at the crooks. Smoke erupted from it and filled the room, obscuring everyone's vision.

"What the fuck?!" Unger tried to waft the smoke away as he was lost in a cloud of it.

Jernigan tooted menacingly from the shadows, trying to ward off the boys, he couldn't tell if they were near him or had even moved!

Suddenly, the villains felt something cold clamp around their hands and then one of their ankles.

When the smoke, each of them had their hands cuffed and an ankle handcuffed to an object. They were stuck and unable to escape from whatever punishment they were about to receive.

"Shit." Unger swore, rattling his chains in a pathetic attempt to escape.

"I know." Jernigan looked down at his freshly soiled pants, he'd been quite frightened by the smoke.

"Just try and run away." Kevin circled them like a vulture to a carcass.

"We have someone who wants to see you!" Alex giggled, Kevin had found Mrs. Hess on his way over and released her at once. She was back for revenge.

"Now, boys, somethings are gonna go down that you are too young to see!" Mrs. Hess strutted down the stairs.

Alex and Kevin exchanged looks of pride towards the powerful old woman and ran out chuckling to themselves.

"Hello bandits!" She sneered. "Thought you'd seen the last of me when you tied me up in my own garage?"

"Well, we assumed so, seeing as your an old hag with about fifty layers of arthritis." Unger rolled his eyes. As if the old witch was gonna be able to beat them again after she'd basically been frozen alive!

"Bitch, please." She laughed. "I'm Mrs. Hess."

Her leg shot up and kicked Unger in the stomach, he toppled to the floor on his knees.

"I'm glad you're all bound and shackled up for me." She gave a sadistic smile. "Saves me the effort."

Jernigan forced out brutish and demonic fart in an attempt to intimidate the woman.

"What was that?" Mrs. Hess spun on her heel, confused by the devilish thunder.

"Was it you, Mr. Trumpety-bum?" She approached the fearful Jernigan, who was cowering after the ineffective bottom belch. "Mr. Rasperry-tushie, Mr. Pong, Mr. Wanton-Wazoo?"

"It's Mr. Jernigan." He replied, trying to remain composed.

"That's not what your toot told me." She pulled his loose brown trousers and pants down in a swift move. 

"Bend over or I will rip out your asshole." Mrs. Hess hissed. 

He complied, his brown-tinted bumhole pointing to the heavens.

"It's obvious this has been used many times." She prodded at the extremely loose cornhole.

"I do big poos sometimes." He murmured, this was partially true, he'd also been recently penetrated by a policeman was a 10 inch penis.

"I can tell." Mrs. Hess shoved her fist into his anus, Jernigan whimpered.

"Do you like this?" She asked, as his cock began to twitch.

Jernigan nodded, bashfully.

Unger felt sick rising in his throat and Alice retched slightly.

"I don't want this to be an enjoyable experience for you." Mrs. Hess removed her fist.

"That will be hard." Jernigan whispered.

"I'll find a way." Mrs. Hess left the basement and returned with a pin cushion in hand.

She walked over to where Jernigan still stood with his ass in the air.

She took a pin and pierced it carefully onto the rim of his browniehole. Jernigan screamed.

It continued, one pin at a time until his blondiehole was lined with an array of colours, a rainbow rim was a fitting name.

Jernigan had screamed and squealed everytime, his plughole had also reacted in a vocal way, shooting air missiles at the perpetrator which were shrill and knife-like.

"I told you I would find a way." Mrs. Hess laughed, leaving Jernigan to force out icy cold diarrhea to try and soothe his bleeding guffhole.

"Now I won't have to be so violent with you two, will I?" Mrs Hess said. "I prefer torture of the sexual kind, but sometimes when faced with perverts such as that pitiful wreck, I must resort to pure pain."

Unger and Alice weren't sure what to respect.

"Don't even think of touching me, you old crone." Alice gave her a steely glare.

Mrs. Hess just moved closer in on her, then smashed her lips into Alice's, smooching her, forcefully. Teeth were bared and tongue, a battering ram to a portcullis. She was relentless, her tongue was going to infiltrate Alice's perfect lips and there was no doubt about it. As Alice took a breath by accident, Mrs. Hess found her entrance and penetrated the mouth, bruising the younger woman's soft, plump lips. Her rabid tongue exploring every nook and cranny of Alice's mouth.

"I prefer men, sweetie, so that's all you get." Mrs. Hess stepped back to admire her work: Alice slumped against the wall, panting, her face red.

"Where's the fat one?" Mrs. Hess looked around for Petr. 

"I don't fucking know, go find him!" Unger replied.

"No, no, no, that'll just have to wait, I can't be leaving without dealing with you!" Mrs. Hess turned and walked towards the brawny man.

"Fuck off, you old whore!" Unger wanted to back away but of course, he was prevented by the chains.

"Ooh, I quite like that description!" Mrs. Hess was not gonna be put down by any insult. "I also like those tight fitting trousers you've changed into."

"They were the only things I could fucking find." Unger snapped.

"Oh, I see you've already made quite the tear with that fine rump of yours." Mrs. Hess traced her finger down the rip in his pants.

"Get the fuck away from me, sicko!" Unger shuddered involuntarily. 

"You won't be needing this one." Mrs. Hess unlocked the cuff on his ankle and shoved him to the ground.

She climbed on top of him, dry humping his leg. 

Unger continued to thrash about beneath her, cursing constantly.

"This is what villains like you deserve!" She whispered, her hands travelling down his pants and reaching for his fleshy cheeks.

Jernigan felt intense jealousy and accidentally whined as he silently begged to be allowed in on the action.

"Fucking stop it, old bitch!" He yelled as Mrs. Hess clasped his buttocks and squeezed them tightly.

"Shhhh!" Mrs. Hess brought a finger to her lips, the spitting image of a vexed librarian.

"Don't fucking shush me, you sick, perverted, hag!" He growled.

She grabbed the waistband of his pants and underwear combined and slid them down, her thin lips stretched out into a smile.

Jernigan gasped at the sight he was given, he felt something very sick deep inside him rear it's ugly head in primal pleasure.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me?!" Unger cried, his face heated up as he saw Jernigan's reaction, the hacker was practically slobbering as he watched with carnal delight. 

"Try this one for size." Mrs. Hess whipped out a thong from her purse, it was had a text written over the crotch that spelled out "Mrs Hess' Little Whore".

"Put them on or I'll carve your ass into a bust of myself." Mrs. Hess spat.

"I'll fucking kill you one day." Unger glared at her with pure hatred as he put on the humiliating underwear that marked her ownership of him.

He grabbed the tight blue pants from her and pulled them over the top.

"No snatching from the elderly!" She chastised him, pursing her lips.

"Fuck off, hag." He muttered, he could hear moaning and groaning from Jernigan's corner, he looked over and nearly puked on the spot, JERNIGAN WAS MASTURBATING TO HIS DEGRADATION.

"A little birdie and his rat told me you have a weak bladder." Mrs. Hess gave a girlish giggle. "That sounds amazing and I'd love to explore it."

"That's not fucking true. That little shit is making it up!" Unger was filled with intense rage, he didn't need anything else to add to the situation!

Mrs. Hess really obnoxiously kneeled on his stomach, pressing into his bladder.

He gritted his teeth as the desperation began, it was unbearable! He couldn't believe that this was happening to such a high-profile criminal like himself!

"I understand what it's like to have a weak bladder as an old bitch but at your age, that's just pathetic! Especially as your such an arrogant villain!" Mrs. Hess chortled as a wet patch grew on Unger's crotch.

Unger wanted to pull a gun on the bitch and shoot her square in the head. It would bring him so much joy. But all he could to was just watch in despair and mortification as his own body betrayed him.

"I'm done here." She said, simply and strolled upstairs as if this was just a quick inconvenience in her day!

Unger stood up quickly, trying to pretend none of it had happened. He stormed over to Jernigan.

"I'm gonna fucking blow your brains out!" He growled, grabbing the man by the collar.

Jernigan gulped, a hapless and meager poot popping out. "I'm s-sorry, Unger! I was doing it because I was thinking about what Mrs. Hess did to Alice!"

"You'd better be fucking telling the truth." Unger knew he was lying but preferred this version immensely.

"You think that'll making you safe?!" Alice smashed her fist into Jernigan's face, who shat in shock.

"Let's just fuckin' get on with this mission, I'm ready to beat the shit out those little punks!" Unger raged.

"Fine, but one, don't tell ever me what to do and two, stop fucking pissing yourself every five seconds." Alice replied, coldly. 

"Don't test me, ya dumb broad!" Unger scowled.

The crooks began their scheming yet again. Somehow still intact, after all the shit they'd been through they were still ready to continue their mission as the haughty, cocky, hardcore criminals they would always be. But similarly, the cool and courageous Alex, now teamed up with the experienced Kevin, was just beginning his fun!


	24. It's so appeasin'

Petr Beaupre was desperately trying to find his underlings after his little predicament in the kitchen. His nose was snivelly and filled with boogers and his feet were drenched in sweat and various other substances. A bombshell of a fart escaped his wary buttocks as he cautiously checked his surroundings making sure there were no traps ready for him to fall prey to. He'd managed to clean most of the shit off of him but the putrid and unmistakable scent still clung to him. The sickly and sherberty funk drifted throughout the house as though it was making sure the path was clear.

He could just imagine the smug looks of glee on the two boys faces seeing such a reputable and dangerous crook in such a degrading state that left him looking like something lower than a piece of steaming shit.  He wondered what kind of pathetic traps the others had managed to get themselves caught in... Those unobservant fools would fall for anything. 

 

"I bet Mrs. Hess said a ton of swears!" Alex laughed unknowingly at his comrade. 

"You know it! Mrs. Hess is probably filled with awesome, x-rated insults!" Kevin said. The two kids were so blissfully unaware of the events that had been unfolding beneath them. It was definitely for the best. Doris seemed to chirp in agreement.

"Doris? I think I have a little plan." Alex and his trusty rat exchanged a knowing glance as they upped the pace they were walking at. The crookbusting kid knew Doris understood completely. 

Alex noticed the undignified Petr, stumbling and fumbling to regain his balance, his big body gurgling and moaning. Petr was heading towards the basement, which was exactly where he was meant to be.

"Ew." Alex said, simply and straight to the point. He didn't think he'd ever be able to stomach mustard again after the mustard colored variety show that Petr had performed in his kitchen. 

The bloated crook still had his fitting spray paint bandit around his eyes, no one would think he was anything but a dastardly villain that needed a boot up the ass had they seen him walking down the street.

"Guuuuuurp!" A slobbery, sweaty belch came flying out of Petr's mouth as the leader of the crooks reared his ugly head. A powdery air biscuit followed, an unidentified powder making his gas visible in the air. Alex and Kevin held their noses in utter disgust and shook their heads in a way that looked down on the dirty villain's stinky bum.

"Keep it down, stinker!" Alex said, cupping his hands around his mouth.

Petr jumped in shock at the kid's voice and let a 'blaaaaaarpht' pour out of his butt like treacle. It was probably joined by a certain fluid which was the consistency of treacle. The goofy, comical sound was reminiscent of a pie hitting someone's face in a slapstick cartoon. Petr gulped in shame at the mess his ass had just produced.  His red and worn out bunghole seemed to let out a sigh of a fart after that last explosion. Then, Petr Beaupre, internationally wanted criminal tripped and ended up with his big bum in the air, a juicy and almost thick fart automatically spurted out as if on command. It all played out like a circus routine and it was so deliciously humiliating for Petr.

Petr's body was still left rather saggy from being inflated like a balloon and he wanted his old body back. It felt so wrong and as though he was wearing someone else's skin. It had been stretched so far that the cottage cheese texture was even more prominent. He started to feel dizzy and disorientated and began to black out, leaving some garlicky, rancid fumes for anyone there.

 

Meanwhile in the basement, or for a more fitting choice of word, dungeon, the other three crooks were writhing in pain and humiliation. There was a general smog like atmosphere that left them hot and bothered while in their vulnerable positions. 

Jernigan released a guturral fart that had been brewing in his bumhole for the last few minutes as a strange attempt to relieve the tension. But it only made the room stink of shit. 

"Gaaahhh! Ahh!" Jernigan suddenly tripped, knocking Unger on to the floor below him. His anus was right above Unger's mouth and his big bum was crushing his head.

"Wmmth the fuuck!" Unger said barely able to get any words out, because of the combination of Jernigan's cocoa starfish and the pressure of his ass being squished on to him.

"There's... Not a lot I can do..." Jernigan squirmed, accidentally releasing a squeaky and gunky toot that felt shrivelled and dry. Jernigan turned bright red, he couldn't believe he was releasing all this awful gas inside Unger's mouth!

"Uhhhhgmmhh!" Unintelligible noises of disgust and murderous rage.

"Whoops." Jernigan said stiffly, his bum and face flaming in embarrassment.

"I don't even want to ask what is going on with you two idiots." Alice sighed, shaking her head in disgust.

Unger wretched and shivered in horror as the hacker continued to let putrid and hot farts tear through his bum cheeks and into Unger's mouth. Unger's eyes were beginning to tear up at the unforgivable stench that Jernigan's bum seemed to be mass producing. He also felt something else horrifying... Jernigan's cock was hard as diamonds while this nightmarish situation was playing out. A gurgling gas giant that had undertones of eggs poured out making Unger choke.

"Just fucking move, Mr. Jernigan." Alice had truly reached her limits with this uncouth scenario that was happening right before her eyes. Jernigan wiggled his bum trying to get of Unger's head and let out a huge rumphole ripper. Jernigan was uncontrollably blushing. Then he went and did it, a slither of slimy shit escaped into Unger's mouth. Unger was had never tasted anything quite so nasty. Burton Jernigan had just defecated inside his mouth. Fuelled by such a mighty rage Unger headbutted Jernigan's awful rump off his tortured head. He then proceeded to vomit uncontrollably. 

"You... Took a shit in my fucking mouth..." Unger was practically foaming at the mouth, he was so disgusted, so mortified and he could never forget the rancid and eggy taste that it had left in his mouth. 

 

Back on the stairs Petr was still laying there, ass in the air in a cartoonish fashion. The corrupt crook started to regain his consciousness, unaware that the two cheeky little heroes had got a few surprises for him. Petr propped himself up and continued to walk down the stairs in search of the other crooks. A creaky and wavering poot made its way into the atmosphere, sounding like a grand piano that hadn't been played for decades. The musty and rotten smell seemed to be fitting to the sound that it made.

"Mr. Beaupre!" Alice called out in relief as she saw the oldest crook enter the basement.

"What have you gotten yourselves into...?" Petr asked, looking down at the demeaned villains on the floor. Unger looked understandably traumatized and Jernigan was shaking in embarrassment and bright red.

"Ya see.. I just... wasn't prepared enough.. They got that old broad again..." Unger tried to make an excuse for his belittlement as Petr looked down in such a condescending manner that made even Unger feel slightly intimidated.

"Stay prepared at ALL times. You really are useless." Petr spat "How are we supposed to get the chip when you bastards can't get anything done?"

"I'm sorry for our shortcomings, Petr." Alice told him apologetically, hoping for some of his approval "These two do nothing but get in the way, I'd be much better working with you alone."

"Don't think you'll get out of this scot free." Petr hissed at his devoted and only female worker "Until you've got the chip then you're just as bad as the other two."

Alice backed down in obedience, she felt very degraded to have someone as influential as Petr talk down to her like that... Not to mention compare her to the other two buffoons that were acting like apes.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung!" A muffled yet familiar tune filled the air leaving all the crooks confused except for one. Petr. While he had been sleeping Alex had shoved a mobile phone up his bum, and now he had rang it. Petr should've known he wouldn't be safe passing out like that! The sound and vibrations rang through his body leaving him with a strange sensation, his big tokus jiggling in time with the music.

"Where's the song coming frahm?" Unger asked, scratching his head comically. His irritatingly nasal voice making Jernigan and Alice inwardly cringe. 

Petr didn't know how to break it to them that the phone was up his ass. Especially after he'd established such dominance and put them in their places.  His saggy buttcheeks were bouncing rhythmically to the sound of the music. His juddering rectum was hot and bothered and felt like it was ready to burst as the numbing sensation filled his entire being. He let out a small and measly fart in the process. Meanwhile the other crooks were searching for the source of the music.

"This is just that little rugrat fuckin' with us again..." Unger sighed, giving up and taking this time to have a lame excuse for a rest, it was pretty hard to properly rest considering the circumstances. Then the song started again, it was a continuous loop. Petr started to almost dance in frustration, moving around trying to relieve his tuchis of the pain without the other's catching on. Then he felt something else inside his bunghole, it felt like something was growing, expanding inside him. Yep, Alex had placed a frozen balloon inside Petr's loose asshole, and it was starting to expand as it heated up. The rubbery, squeaky thing rubbed against his boiling rectum. 

"Wait is it your ringtone, Beaupre?" Unger asked as he realized the noise was coming from Petr.

"No. It's not me, Mr. Unger." Petr hissed, giving Unger a deadly stare that told him to stay far away as possible. Unger flinched as he made eye contact with the fat Polish crook. 

"It is coming from your direction, Mr. Beaupre..." Jernigan muttered.

"Oh and aren't you gonna help us out a bit here?" Unnger reminded the gassy gargantuan gorilla known as Petr. Petr waddled over to the crooks and cut through the handcuffs and leg cuffs, letting them taste freedom again. Jernigan let out a porky wheeze of a fart as if to say 'thank you.'

"Yeah... It's definitely you." Unger sighed, knowing his leader would try to disagree, but the sound was undoubtedly coming from Petr, and more specifically, Petr's behind.

Petr shivered as the rubbery of the balloon caused friction with the inner workings of his anus. He resisted the urge to squirm in agony or scream out. The phone was lodged so far up his bum and it continued to ring as he could hear childlike laughter coming from above. His mouth tasted of something slightly sweet. Petr turned around when he noticed his right buttcheek was expanding alongside the balloon as if in some kind of sick harmony. His loose and used buttocks were pretty much prepared for this, but Petr himself wasn't.

"Bvvvvvvrppp!" A sour and doughy fart came rapidly out of his butt. You could probably cut it with a knife it was so dense. 

With the sheer force of the fart alone, the phone went flying out of his butthole, now covered in green and pungent shit at such an incredible speed it could be considered superhuman. The hip hop tune continued to blast out of it as the phone went flying through the air like a tiny plane. Unger's jaw dropped in confusion as the shitstained phone hurtled through the eggy, vile air. As if by magic, the phone went straight into Jernigan's asshole. He had been bending over, searching for the source of the music and now the phone had violated his stinky behind. The hard object penetrated him with such force that he was left breathless. 

"Hey.. Uh.. What the fuck just happened?" Unger looked at Jernigan with both a sickened and confused expression on his face.

"It's in my anus!" Jernigan jumped around, howling in pain. The phone shook and jolted the blue eyed crook making him lose balance. The phone was not only pressing hard into his rectum, it could also feel the excrement that the world wasn't ready for yet. Jernigan burped in shock as the overwhelming soundwaves flowed through his body like ripples making him jolt and shiver. 

"Owie! Owie!" Jernigan hopped around, he absolutely despised the wicked sensation but something in him couldn't help but relish in this nasty little endeavor. A boiling hot fart was brewing and bubbling in his bongohole like a a witches cauldron filled with terrifying concoctions and dark magic. Maybe this would release the alien object from his crevice. Unger was currently laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculous situation. Jernigan had a ringing phone up his ass... How could that not be funny? Petr just looked disappointed and confused as to how this could've even happened so conveniently. Alice had turned her head in disbelief, unable to look at her pathetic teammate that she once saw as almost an equal. 

With a meaty and powerful stream of farts, the phone yet again went flying. Travelling through the room at such a dangerous speed. It then hit Alice, and went up her ass much like with the other two. 

"Eeeeghh!" She screamed girlishly as the shaking phone violated her in such an unseemly manner. She felt so filthy and disgusted, she knew perverted thoughts would be running through the heads of her male teammates but there wasn't much she could do except squirm in pain and degradation as the music blasted out.

Petr then ran over to Alice and kicked her in the gut, it was painful, but it did the trick and the phone was yet again soaring through the sky like a bird in migration. The phone only had one last stop before it's journey would come to an end And that stop was indeed the tokus of Unger. The brick of a phone penetrated Unger's asshole at such a rapid pace that he couldn't help but scream in protest. 

The song seemed especially suitable for Unger who did, in fact have a big butt. Well, it wasn't disproportionately big. But the point still stands. The phone dug deep into his anus as he gritted his teeth. The impact of the phone made Unger piss his pants a little, but that wasn't the main issue right now. He'd have to just leave that. The phone felt like it was half way inside him, the catchy rap continuing to ring throughout his body. It was as if HE was the phone, HE wa the one ringing. His body was shaking and gyrating in such a laughable motion that even Jernigan was giggling at the stupidity of it all.  The object was so foreign and wrong in his anus. 

Petr then walked over to Unger and again, kicked him in the gut and the phone came flying out, finally hitting the floor. The phone would probably never be usable again. The thing had been up four people's asses! The phone pitifully shook and continued to play the song as the childlike laughs grew louder and louder. 

This may have been quite the humiliating mishap for the crooks, but their egos stayed as big as ever. There was no doubt in their minds that they were going to find that chip and get filthy rich. No silly kids tricks could stop them. At least not so far...

 

 

 


	25. Now I'm gonna make you dance

The crooks tried to avoid eye contact, looking around aimlessly and dodging any means of conversation about the events that had just taken place. The phone was still sitting on the floor, covered in shit and most likely broken beyond repair. Alex was not looking forward to explaining this one to his folks. 

"Stay on track. Stay focused. Don't let anything get in your way." Jernigan instructed the rest of the group.

"Don't talk like you have any authority over me, Mr. Jernigan." Petr spat, childishly. A crescendo of rotten cheese and egg scented farts ripped through his bunghole like a herd of angry bulls. His expression looked vaguely pained as the eggy odor left his behind with a bang. 

"Who just fired a machine gun?" Unger asked, the distinctive infuriating nasal sound hurting the other's ears. Petr was now redder than a beet farm in beet season. His belly seemed to bulge in anger. Earlier while he had been passed out due to the rapid change in physical form, Alex had slipped a fart candy in Petr's mouth. Now the oversized elephant of a leader was going to be farting up a storm. 

"No one." Petr said coldly "Let us continue with our work."

Petr could feel another air biscuit desperately trying to escape the prison that was his fudge factory. The pressure was building up in his bum and he had no choice but to let it free. 

"Bvvvvvvvvlllllllllllrp!" The unmistakable sound of the gas rang throughout the basement. The acoustics down there made it so much more exaggerated and clear. 

"Uhh... Mr. Beaupre? Did you just shit your pants?" Unger said bluntly. Jernigan was giggling away childishly and Alice tried to distance herself from the situation, in disbelief that her respectable boss would do such a thing.

Petr turned to walk up and out of the basement but ended up releasing another tremendous stinker into the atmosphere. Petr had felt so in control a few minutes ago, he had the crooks shivering under his command. But now he just had to get demeaned and humiliated. 

"You're making a monkey of me, junior." Petr hissed under his breath, a need for vengeance building up inside him much like the farts. He may as well get up and start making monkey noises like an utter child, since that was what he'd been reduced to. His anal cavity felt as though it was on fire, it was like a traffic jam of shit and gas in there and it was building up to the point it was painful. He knew it would be an anal firework show when he finally let them free. The pungent smell from his last toot still remained in the air, wafting around like a ghost haunting the basement. 

Petr began to walk up the stairs but suddenly tripped on one of the steps and went flying backwards, the farts leaving his tokus erupted like a volcano and tore across the room like a hurricane. It was truly a natural disaster! Then he felt something soft and squishy pop out. He was now back on the floor, contorted into a comedic position. His legs were bent over his head and his bandit bum was in the air, in the perfect position for more sneaky poots to come out to play.   


"Gaaaahhh!" Petr yodeled in pain. Jernigan and Unger had now burst into uncontrollable laughter and Alice just looked plain disappointed at the supposedly experienced criminal that sat below her. Another rumphole ripper came out of his bum with absolutely no mercy whatsoever. The sour and yeasty funk was suffocating. This was a highly trained, highly experienced villain. This was someone a vast population of the criminal world looked up to. Someone so notorious, someone who managed to escape the police force's grasp for years on end. It was hard to believe this stinky, flatulent mess was the same man. His colossal rump was causing a ruckus right in front of the people he'd claimed to be so much superior to. 

The nasty smell made the rest of the crooks feel uneasy and they were somewhat at a loss for words. Petr had succumbed to the will of Alex and was now a writhing mess on the floor, crumpled like a piece of paper with his ass raised invitingly to anyone who saw. They had felt so safe with Petr in charge of them. 

"I just made a mess. I apologize. Do not take me lightly. Now, let's continue." Petr stood up trying to regain his sanity as another fast paced fart seemed to sprint out his bunghole. 

"Hey uhh... You might be needing these then." Unger said with a smug grin growing on his face. He threw a bag of diapers towards Petr, the second time that had happened to him that day. 

"I don't need diapers, Mr. Unger." Petr snapped in reply, grabbing his gun and pointing it to the long haired lunatic. Petr was so humiliated that his underling had the nerve to suggest he wear diapers?! Okay, so maybe he did have one on already... But that was for practical reasons and it had been a very well thought out, adult decision that a knucklehead like Unger would never even consider. Petr was seething in rage, and Unger seemed to back away a little. 

The troop of crooks began to make their way up the stairs again. Petr's tender behind was aching to fart again. The cottage cheese posterior was right in Unger's face and Petr just had to hold it in. It was only a few seconds. Unsurprisingly this master plan failed, and Petr let out a gigantic barking spider. 

"Let it all out Beaupre. Let out all your anger." Unger said under his breath, holding his comically sized nose. Meanwhile Jernigan was distracted at the prospect of his Ugg boots being ruined. He'd invested in the wonderful, cushy things that kept his feet safe and warm and he didn't want them to be destroyed in the slightest. Jernigan had Unger's surprisingly shapely ass directly facing him and he was trying his hardest to keep his desires under control. It seemed like so long since he'd felt the touch of another man which he longed for so dearly. He wasn't exactly attracted to Unger but the circumstances had made him feel so depraved. Jernigan pictured the thick, tanned cheeks under Unger's tight pants. What kept him away was envisioning what he could do with the money he received from this heist. His dreams were extremely different from those of Earl Unger. 

Jernigan used just about all his willpower to resist giving that big bum a good squeeze. Eventually the villainous posse reached the top of the stairs and there was the kitchen, looking like a literal disaster had gone down.

"What the fuck happened here?" Unger asked, disgusted at the sight before him. The kitchen was drenched brown in shit. It was unmistakably shit. The smell was unsurprisingly vile and made the criminals gag. 

"I'd have to say it was the kids." Petr told the others through gritted teeth. As ashamed as he was, there was something deep inside him that said he was proud of making that mess. The smell was as bad as you could imagine, probably worse. It smelled like warm shit and had dried quite a bit since the heating was on. It was as if someone had baked a shit cake in there and then it had exploded. 

"I didn't know it was humanly possible to produce this much shit." Unger said.

"Maybe it wasn't a human, maybe it was two. Maybe it was a dog. Don't let this take your minds off the real" Petr tried to take their minds away from the culprit. Another gravy ghost was birthed from Petr's behind. It sounded like bubbles popping. Petr's already crimson face turned redder somehow when he saw his inferiors look at him with confusion. Luckily for him, the soft and snug diaper was keeping his big behind muffled and warm. 

"Mr. Beaupre...? The diapers are always an option if you need them." Alice told the more experienced crook, holding out the pack of diapers. Beaupre looked at the young woman with the most rage filled expression imaginable, he couldn't believe his inferior AND a female had the nerve to talk down to him. 

"I don't need diapers. Stay alert and keep your comments to yourself, Alice. I thought you were better than those other two, I thought you were competent." Petr spat, then slapped the female thief in the face to let her know where she stood. 

"Sorry, Mr. Beaupre." Alice nodded and backed away after this physical confrontation. Jernigan and Unger's faces were plastered with shock, they'd never seen the composed Petr Beaupre be pushed to the edge like that. Alice's face was marked with the shape of Petr's palm showing just how ruthless he'd been with his punishment.

"Someone's a bit touchy." Unger laughed under his breath, though there was a slight hint of caution to his tone. "Ya just smacked a broad, Beaupre. She must've really hit home." 

"She was being unprofessional. She needed some sense slapped into her." Petr growled, his Polish accent as emphasized as ever.

"GRRRR!" Suddenly a loud and inhuman noise was heard from behind Petr, and he turned to see the big and mighty canine pulling down his pants, revealing his cushy, puffy diaper to the world. It was like the classic Coppertone girl scenario but ten times more humiliating and degrading since it was happening to a full grown criminal!

"You were... Already wearing a diaper." Jernigan giggled immaturely with his hand to his mouth in an attempt to hold it in. 

"The kid must've slipped it on me while I was passed out." Petr said. These inexperienced fools would be too dumb to realize that it was practical and necessary for him to be wearing the diaper. 

"Suure and Jernigan hasn't farted today." Unger laughed. Petr's diaper was in fact stained an unquestionable creamy brown.

The dog then began to chew on his gargantuan planet of a buttcheek. It's heavyweight chompers sinking in to the cottage cheesy and slightly puffy flesh. Petr yelped in pain effeminately and a bubbly bastard of a fart popped out as if to join in.

That fart made the dog back away warily from Petr's worn and torn tokus and it moved on to Jernigan. The criminally heroic canine ripped a perfect square in Jernigan's slacks, The fabric feel down as if to say 'special delivery'! Jernigan's pert and perky bum popped out, practically saying 'hello! kick me!'. 

That was a cue for Kevin to run in and give Jernigan a roundhouse kick right in the bum, the swollen buttocks pulsated and stung.

"Wahey!" Kevin looked immensely satisfied with his work, and rightfully so. It was a well deserved punishment for a stinky old crook. 

"Little brat... You whacked my bumbum!" Jernigan cried, hopelessly trying to cover his exposed heiney.  Yet again he'd resorted to immature slang once he'd been stripped of his dignity. 

Then Alex entered the room and the two kids began to lift up Jernigan and placed him on the stove, so he was sat over a saucepan full of boiling water. They tied his hands and legs together so the crook had no chance to escape. The rest of the crooks seemed to zoom out of the room in multiple directions, Unger tripping over a conveniently placed alarm clock and falling straight on top of it. The flailing long haired lunatic swore in pain as the screeching object began to shake and make loud and high pitched noises. It was inserted half way into his asshole and the clock just kept on shaking and shaking.

"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" Alex grinned, hurling a raw egg directly at Unger and it hit him right in the face with such unexpected precision. The goopy, sloppy fluid dripped down his face. Meanwhile Jernigan's bum was boiling away on the stove. The red and angry planet was steaming both with rage and from the heat. Jernigan felt something firm and warm slip out of his bunghole and before he knew it, he'd dropped a hot steaming deuce in the saucepan. The dump was cooking away and producing shitty steam which rose up to his puckered putrid chocolate starfish. He screamed in pain as the heat continued to punish him mercilessly. 

Petr was currently waddling away, his slacks halfway down his legs, his crinkly diaper on fully display. He wouldn't let these stupid rugrats get in the way of him completing his mission. Not today, not ever. Well at least he thought. 

 


	26. Chapter 26

"We have crook for dinner!" The parrot called out. It was an iconic line from the get-go. Alex was gonna remember this snarky comment for a long time. The criminals, on the other hand, didn't find it the least bit humorous - which just shows how heroically hilarious it was!

"Get up!" Alice hissed at her colleague. Unger was still sat on the floor in utter disbelief, frantically scooping the messy egg from his face. "Beaupre's moved into the living room."

"Alice, you might want to move out of the-" Unger began as he spotted a crafty kid behind her, a saucepan positioned to smack right into the plush posterior of the femme fatale.

"Eeek!" She let a girlish scream escape from her luscious, lady-like lips. It was unbelievably embarrassing to watch such a poised and perfect looking female specimen tumble down to a crumbled heap from a blow to the bum.

"Bullseye!" Alex grinned, he loved seeing the stupid crooks making a mess of the kitchen, all of them in their own sticky situation. It really showed who were the real mature ones here - Alex and Kevin!

In the living room, the bumbling villain that was Petr Beaupre hitched up his pants - a tight squeeze over his rouge, raspberry rump. Alas, there was still a great rip where the dog had snatched his pants and his doomed diaper was on display, there was no denying it was full to the brim, little rivers of rump-water were streaked down his legs and the hot trickling had reached even his toes.

"Where would a little child hide a chip." He muttered to himself, trying to ignore how foolish he would've looked to anyone who stumbled across him.

He searched around under sofas and chairs, just in case Alex had been careless (of course, he hadn't been - this is Alex we're talking about!). Bending over to look under a rather comfy looking armchair, he realized that as he bent over, his big, booming behind would stick out and cause the fabric of the diaper to tighten around his flabby, mottled ass. He enjoyed the feeling, although he'd never admit it. It felt as though the diaper was just too darn big for his burnt bum and it was the sort of situation where onlookers would laugh and jeer and point out how big his bottom was, it couldn't even fit in an adult diaper without spewing flesh from each side!

Before long, he was lunging around the living room, using any excuse to squat and feel as though his bum was expanding as the material of his dingy diap squeezed his fluctuating, clenching glutes.

Petr also realized that the squatting and bending was making him a bit gassy - scratch that - very gassy! He could feel a cauldron of poo-y pond scum bubbling in his billowing belly. He was cooking up a storm.

He bent some more and the bubbles grew. He lunged some more and his chubby cheeks tightened in preparation. He dived in for an extremely powerful squat and splat! The job was done.

What Beaupre had believed to a mere, innocent collection of gaseous bum-burps was, in fact, a diarrhea disaster. The liquid was flyblown. Little larvae squirmed about in the pool of translucent brown sludge. Flies twitched and quivered, drowning in his muck. Worms flurried and tried to burrow into the spattered, scummy soil. It smelt like a barnyard. A barnyard infested with mold and pests. There were even little bits of hay and hair which Petr couldn't explain. The concoctions his crumby cummy colon cooked up were beyond explaining, his buttocks were basically a cryptid at this point!

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, catastrophe was still underway. Jernigan's cooked caboose was numbed from the heat and the boiled shit was creating odors most foul.

"Let me down from here!" The red-rumped man yelled in anguish.

"If you insist!" Alex and Kevin chorused like the pair of heartwarming heroes they are.

They pushed the crying crook from the stove and he landed with a smack to his bare, boiled bum on the cold kitchen tiles.

"Cripes!" He moaned, the freezing cold tiles were such a stark contrast to the burning heat of the saucepan. His tookus tingled and fizzed from the changing of temperatures, his buttocks suddenly felt incredibly itchy as he experienced the symptoms of chilblains. It was such vigorously frantic feeling that he didn't think before he began to scratch and itch his restless bare rump.

Alex and Kevin laughed and point at the scratching Jernigan. He looked so animalistic and unable to control his urges. At this moment, he was just a troglodyte who couldn't even stop himself from sticking his hands into his crack and giving it a good itch.

"Jernigan, could you not do that." Unger sighed, he desperately wanted to leave the room but had been cornered alongside Alice by the two child champions. "Why do you always have to be so sickening and pathetic?"

"I can't help it! Must itch bumbum!" Jernigan cursed in his head, realizing he'd called his tooting tukus a bumbum out loud.

To his intense shame, his raw hole began to try and help out with the itching by letting ones rip to try and soothe the sensation but it seemed incapable of producing any sloppy, wet ones that would do the trick and instead could only release rasping, gravelly piffs that seemed to do more harm than anything. They felt like little stones were scratching at his rim and before he even knew what was happening, he'd shoved his index finger into his hole and swirled it about in a last attempt to stop the farts from adding more friction to his already buzzing bum.

Unger gave him a withering before he covered his eyes to hide the view of the desperate Jernigan.

"Big mistake, dumbo!" Alex grinned noticing the man had his eyes closed, delivering a swift blow to the crook's crotch.

"AH! You little rugrat!" Unger howled, dropping to his knees in pain and anguish.

"Doris, the hair ties please!" Kevin asked, graciously, with nothing but utmost respect for his friend's rat.

"What the fuck! What do you want hair ties for, you little vermin!?" Unger forced everyone in the room to listen to his nasal voice again before the two courageous kids quickly tied his hands and feet together and slipped a piece of duck tape over his mouth.

Alice took the opportunity to dash out of the room, eager to join Beaupre again and distance herself from the loathsome lunatics.

Kevin roughly grabbed some of Unger's long hair, causing him to wince in pain.

"I think bunches would look good on you!" He winked, devilishly - except not like a devil because both Kevin and Alex are angels.

Unger shook his head desperately, there was no way he was gonna let them give a professional criminal like him such a girly hairstyle!

"We could always give you the chop!" Alex produced a pair of scissors, Unger's eyes widened - they couldn't cut off his hair! It was so pathetic that such a high profile villain would be so concerned about his hair in such a vain and narcissistic way!

"That's what I thought, you dumb, dopey crook!" Alex laughed.

Kevin picked up from where he started and used the pink, feminine hair tie to tie the man's hair into two cute bunches.

"You look so stupid!" Alex picked up Doris to show her, who squeaked in agreement.

The dog tilted it's head and did a little arf in confusion at the silly looking criminal.

Unger rolled his eyes, only a dumb crook wouldn't find this action from the dog unbelievably endearing and adorable.

Alex took off the duck tape so he could hear his indignation.

"Untie me you fucking skunks!" He growled.

"Who's the 'broad' now!?" Alex mocked, turning to Kevin.

"Hey, Kevin, have you been storing up any cheesy ones recently?" He asked.

"You betcha!" Kevin said, slyly.

"Doris has as well!" Alex replied, a smarmy look on his face.

He shoved Doris right in front of Unger's stupidly sized nose.

"Release the cheese!" Alex giggled as Doris squeaked as if to say "yes, sir!"

A torrent of squeaky, cheesy rat-rippers was released on Unger, Doris had eaten enough cheese that the stench was so unbearable that it knocked him out!

"What a loser! I love the smell of your farts, Doris!" Alex hugged his furry friend.

"Let's go see those other crooks!" Kevin suggested neither of them looked at the writhing Jernigan on the floor as they left the room.

The pair continued into the living room where nothing was left except the sludgy fudge that Petr had deposited.

"They were definitely in here!" Kevin said, pointing out the tell-tale tookus trail.

"Probably went upstairs!" Alex shrugged. "I have just the trap up there."

Upstairs was exactly where they were, currently searching through Alex's room as if there was any chance he'd left it lying around.

"It's prabably on the boy!" Petr said.

"He's bound to come up here and try and pull some pathetic trick on us again." Alice sighed. "We might as well wait until he comes to us."

"We will have the chip, there is no doubt about it," Petr replied, he was confident in his skills alone even without the addition of the rest of his team, he still believed that outsmarting this kid was something so easy he needn't even think about it!

"I think I can hear them," Alice whispered.

"You go into another bedroom, there is no reason why we both must wait in a single room," Petr ordered.

Alice slipped out of the bedroom, ever the slinky cat-burglar.

It wasn't long until Alex had opened the door to his bedroom, his fake bubble gun in hand.

"Freeze, Mr. Beaupre!" He shouted.

"Like a popsicle!" The parrot added, his snark cutting through the air like a knife to butter.

Petr cursed inwardly. How did the kid have a gun?! He'd lost his gun long ago on this mission - in his mind, Alex had stolen it!

He backed away towards the window, an escape plan forming in his mind. The kid wouldn't shoot him, he knew that much, it was probably just to make him leave.

"That's right! Leave!" Alex neared him.

The big-bottomed criminal opened the window and began to climb out, but before he could, the parrot zoomed up behind him, pulled down his pants and diaper combined and Alex gave him a harsh push.

"Have a nice ride!" Alex yelled.

Hot searing pain grated his ass. As he slid down the roof, his bum was punished by the sandpaper laid out by Alex. It scratched and sliced his buttocks with no mercy, his big sissy bum was being torn to shreds!

"Waaaaaaaaaahhhh!" The intense agony sent him back to his baby mindset as he began to cry out in gurgling gibberish, sucking his thumb and wailing like a lost infant.

His roaring rumpus was bleeding and burning. It felt like it was on fire.

Piping hot diarrhea splashed out on his way down, red as a chili pepper and as spicy as one too!

The dribbling, dangerous drool left a long streak down the roof, add insult to injury. It was a slide of shame.

He hit the bottom and landed on his smoking Sasquatch of an ass in the snow.

His bare bum was exposed to all and once again he was rubbing it all around the snow, unable to tell which red marks in the ice was his blood and which was his diarrhea curry.

"Googoo gaggle!" He screamed, he wanted the pain to stop and he wanted a dummy to suckle on.

He threw himself into the freezing cold snow and launched into the biggest tantrum of the century. There was wailing, flailing, spitting, hitting, crying, farting, hissing, pissing, cumming, shitting and everything in between. There was a rainbow of bodily fluids staining the snow and that just made him cry even more.

Tears were everywhere as he jargoned to himself. Incoherent babbling was bountiful and his flaming fanny joined in, spitting and squeaking as if it was having a conversation with him.

He perked up a bit at this and giggled a little at the cheeky chatter coming from his cherryhole. He replied with more gurgling and chomping and to his delight, the bubbling blazing hole replied! It was as if he had his own secret language with his tushie!

Alice wasn't having much luck either, Kevin had stormed into the room she was in and he too had been equipped with a very realistic looking toy gun.

It has been so embarrassing for the lady criminal to have to submit to the little boy.

"If you don't put on a silly Halloween costume from that closet then I'll shoot!" Kevin had chortled.

Alice opened up the closet, her cheeks burning, unable to comprehend that she was actually having to do this.

"The bumblebee one!" Kevin ordered.

She furiously grabbed the outfit, which was obviously gonna be too small and began changing.

Kevin didn't look, being the little gentleman he is.

"I'm gonna kill you." She muttered, alerting the boy that she'd finished her transformation.

The costume was a very ugly and unflattering bumblebee outfit that covered up all of her hair so just her face was poking out and the main costume was a big bumblebee belly that made her look like a big, inflated buffoon. It was so unladylike!

Kevin was in hysterics, nearing her with the gun.

"Now go fly bumblebee!" He grinned, forcing her to exit through the window.

He laughed as he watched the fat shape of the professional criminal tumbled down into the snow beside the big baby that was Beaupre!

"Mr. Beaupre?!" Alice looked over at the babbling bundle of age regression that was tooting happily to himself.

She looked down at the filthy mess he'd made.

"What the hell is that?!" She couldn't believe this was something her boss had done.

Petr snapped out of his daze and pulled his trousers up in a flash.

"I have no idea." He lied. "The boy threatened me with a gun and pushed me out of the window with a bucket of what I presume is sewage."

Alice forced herself to believe this. She didn't want any more reasons to believe that she was working under the power of an incapable adult baby.

"Miss. Ribbons, what are you wearing?" He said in such a tone to make her feel even more shameful.

"The other boy had a gun as well." She replied.

"That is no excuse to allow yourself to have a fool made out of." Beaupre stood up and shoved his big cottage cheese bum in her face.

He forced a chilling, ominous fart out as a word of warning.

Alice shuddered as she saw a bit of his diaper expand, letting her know that more than just a fart had escaped.

The itching agony of Jernigan had finally calmed down. He was now aware of his surroundings. The kids had gone! And... Unger... Unger was still knocked out.

Jernigan looked at the slumped man, he looked so vulnerable at this moment. Jernigan could do anything!

He weighed up the situation, Unger always seemed to have something over him and was always going around acting as if Jernigan was some pathetic, weak underling. If he did something now, he'd never be able to be humiliated by Unger again.

Jernigan stood up and decided it had to be done. He walked over to Unger's unconscious body, snickering at how stupid he looked with the bunches on. As carefully as he could, he slid down the man's tight blue pants, he'd forgotten that Mrs. Hess had put a thong on him. Well, the thong was a lie - he was Jernigan's little whore now.

He slipped that down too. He couldn't believe that he was actually seeing Unger's cock! Jernigan chuckled, knowing that his own was a bit bigger just by sight.

Jernigan crawled down so he was at mouth level with the tip of his penis and began to suck on it, bobbing up and down as he squeezed out a few smug ones.

Unger squirmed slightly but remained unaware of anything. Jernigan himself had came the second he'd seen the unconscious man but he continued until Unger had as well. It was all over those nice blue pants.

Jernigan wiped his mouth and smiled to himself, the eel sex meant nothing now! Now he was the one in charge! He quickly pulled Unger's pants back up but there was no hiding the cum stains.

He waited around, eating a couple of raw eggs until Unger finally came around.

"Whaa...what happened?" Unger looked confused and drowsy as his eyes opened.

"You fainted," Jernigan said, a smarmy grin appearing on his face.

"Oh... Oh yeah...There was the rat and the..." He trailed off as he remembered the bunches, quickly pulling them out in embarrassment.

"You should've kept them in, they were quite fitting." Jernigan crunched on the eggshell, letting an equally crunchy one loose.

"Shuddup." Unger scowled. "Why the fuck are you eating egg shells, you creep, like I said you always gotta act so pathetic and disgusting. You make me wanna vomit."

Jernigan seized up in anger, he hated being spoken down to when he was doing something as sophisticated as eating the delicacy that is egg shells.

"What's that stuff on your trousers?" Jernigan had to try hard not to giggle with glee as he sucked up another raw yolk.

"Stuff on my? What stuff on trousers?" Unger glared at him before noticing the wet patch on the trousers.

He was confused. For once, it wasn't piss... It seemed to be... Cum?

"What the fuck?!" Unger stood up quickly.

"Who's disgusting now?!" Jernigan let an untimely sticky salmon of a fart swim out.

"You, still!" Unger was glowering at him. "What did you do? Is this yours?"

"Nope! It's yours!" Jernigan smirked.

"Wha-What are you talking about?! Shaddup ya dumb broad!" Unger raised a fist to Jernigan.

"I just took advantage of the situation," Jernigan said, picking at a bit of eggshell in his teeth. "Do you think they have any chopsticks?"

Unger froze. "Advantage? Of what situation?!"

He grabbed Jernigan by his neck, strangling him and causing an eruption of fearful farts to splatter from the bum of the blue-eyed bizarro.

"Oh, you know!" Jernigan choked, still looking smug as a bug - although the fleeing farts said otherwise!

"I'm gonna fucking whack you to death if you did anything to me!" Unger snarled, his dumb nasal voice making the threat cartoonish.

"I don't think Beaupre would be too happy if he lost one of his team." Jernigan had gone a bit bug-eyed, releasing some loony, zany air-biscuits in confusion.

Unger kneed him in the stomach with such force that a valiant poo charged from Castle Jernigan.

Jernigan collapsed in pain, the poo rolled across the floor solemnly. Unger grabbed only egg Jernigan had eaten and slammed it down on the groaning man's head.

"Jokes on you! I love eggs so much that I enjoyed that!" Jernigan fibbed as the gloopy substance blinded him momentarily.

Unger stormed out in a rage. He was gonna get the boy and he was gonna be violent about it.

Alice the bumblebee and Petr the reformed baby stumbled back inside, looking like such fools. They were desperate to find those kids now, revenge was the only thing on their minds.

"What the fuck is this?" Unger exclaimed as he walked into Beaupre and Alice in the hallway.

"Don't say a word," Alice said, her eyes shooting daggers.

"I've never seen you look so fucking idiotic, why wouldn't I say anything?" Unger scoffed.

"Perhaps, if you wanted to keep all bones in your body intact." Alice tried her best to look threatening in her dumb bee costume.

"As if you could even bruise me, ya dumb broad." Unger sneered.

"Enough!" Petr interrupted the disagreement with not only his words but with some hard-hitting gas.

Alice pursed her lips, wishing she could just slap Unger on the spot.

"Where's Mr. Jernigan?" Petr asked.

"In the kitchen, slacking off and eating egg shells, probably shitting himself like usual," Unger replied, bitterly. He still couldn't believe that Jernigan - weedy Jernigan! - had done something so degrading to him while he'd been unconscious, though he didn't let it ruin his pride too much (trust me, there were gallons of it to spare). In his mind, the egg-eating idiot was still a pathetic worm who was only good for computer work and way more embarrassing stuff had happened to Jernigan anyway, he fucked some eels, after all, it was nothing in comparison to that! He still was gonna get revenge, though.

"Unprofessionalism will not go unpunished," Beaupre grunted. "Mr. Unger, Miss. Ribbons - search for the boys upstairs, I will go deal with Mr. Jernigan."

Unger sighed, of course, he had to work with the fucking woman, didn't he?

"Great." He murmured, giving Alice a look of fury.

"You should be thankful for getting to work with me." Alice spat, as the two walked up the stairs.

"Really? I should be thankful that I gotta work with a broad?" Unger laughed. "Good one."

Alice huffed and ignored it, she was used to be discredited because not only was she young, she was also a young woman. But she knew that Unger was a dumbass who knew nothing in comparison to her, so the comment had no impact.

On the landing, they could hear some snickering.

"Wow, they're being very discreet, aren't they? Fuckin' Nitwits." Unger was confident that these kids were idiots. Of course, he was far from right.

"Don't assume it's not a trap." Alice hissed, creeping towards where the sound was coming from.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna fall for another stupid trap. They're fuckin' kids, not geniuses." Unger rolled his eyes. "If you're scared of a bunch of kids then you can wait here and think about make-up and boys or something, I'm not gonna let them get away."

"Suit yourself." Alice shrugged, not bothering to warn him that they were in possession of what she still believed to be guns.

Unger walked over to the door where they'd heard the giggles. He slammed open the door.

"Time you get what you deserve, little rugrats." He muttered as he looked around the seemingly empty room.

Then he heard the laughing again, this time it was in the closet!

"Great hiding spot." He smirked, opening the doors to it. "Where the fuck are you!"

"Here!" Alex waved from behind him and he and Kevin kicked the crook straight into the closet, locking the doors behind him.

"Ahhhh!" Unger yelped as he slammed into the hard wood, he began banging on the doors. "Fuckin' let me out!"

"Nope!" Alex grinned and the parrot swooped down.

"It's time for a knock knock joke!" It screeched.

"Yay!" Alex and Kevin cheered.

"Excellent," Unger said, sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

"Knock knock!" The parrot called.

"Who's there?" Alex and Kevin asked, the dog lifted a paw and woofed in unison.

"Henry!" It squawked.

"Henry who?" The excitement was so high at this point that the dog farted!

"Henry Gardens!" The parrot replied it's screeching voice echoing through the room.

"I don't get it," Unger said, flatly.

"Yeah, I actually don't get it either." Alex sounded disappointed and Kevin nodded.

Doris squeaked in agreement and the dog burped to show that it too didn't understand.

The parrot just stared and stood still.

Silence lingered for a moment.

"Let's give this dopey villain some friends!" Alex said with glee, Doris danced happily.

Alex climbed up to where they'd made a hole in the top of the closet and emptied buckets upon buckets of harmless snakes in with Unger.

"My brother works with reptiles." Kevin shrugged.

"AAHHH!" Unger screamed as the snakes slithered around with him, there were so many, he was practically drowning in them.

"LET ME OUT!" He slammed his palm against the door. One of the snakes bit him right in the ass!

"FUCK!" Unger yelled, causing Alex and Kevin to cover their ears, he pushed against the locked doors - making the whole closet topple over.

"Oh, we can't get you out now, we couldn't lift it up with you inside, you're too fat." Alex left the room with Kevin and lots of pets alongside him.

"How AM I FUCKIN' FAT?!" Unger found it was even worse now, he couldn't even stand up, he just had to lay in disgust as hundreds of snakes slid over him.

"Hiya, bumblebee!" Alex kicked Alice in the butt as the two kids ran away. She fell straight to the ground, rolling around like the big fat bumblebee she had become.

"Come and help me, ya dumb broad!" Unger shouted.

Alice knew she had to, as much as she wanted to leave him.

"Move to the left side." She said, picking up a baseball bat from the room and smashing the right half of the closet until she'd made a big enough hole for him to get out.

"Your fat ass probably won't fit through, though." Alice couldn't believe she was saying it, it was so unlike herself but she had to.

Unger crawled out, cursing - it had been a tight squeeze for his tushie.

"Fuck off, ya dumb bitch." He shoved her out of the way and strode back down the stairs where he believed the kid ran off to.

Downstairs was a sight beyond words.

Jernigan had his pants around his ankles and he was waddling away from Petr, shit was coming out like cowpats.

"You dare slack off and sit around eating eggs?" Beaupre's voice was raised.

"For fuck's sake." Unger wanted to throw up, Alice joined him at the bottom of the stairs. "Can we just agree Jernigan is the worst?"

"Yes." She nodded, also wanting to vomit.

"You must receive your punishment!" Petr growled.

Jernigan kept waddling, his creamy tush on display - the eggs had caught up with him and shit with the consistency of egg white was dangling from his damaged doghole.

Suddenly he tripped, causing a surge of embarrassed farts to crawl out in shame.

Petr took the opportunity and grabbed the man, lifting him over his knees.

"He's not gonna...Is he?" Unger curled his lip in disgust at the scene unfolding.

A sharp blow was received on Jernigan's tubby behind.

Plop! A pinball of a poo shot out!

Petr spanked him viciously, getting faster and faster, each smack causing a round poo to shoot out of Jernigan's gloryhole. It was like popcorn.

"This is what you get for slacking off on a mission as important as this!" Petr roared, delivering one last blow to the battered bum. With that, a clutching, grasping, squeezing covetous, old fart leered out of Jernigan, dust came with it.

"Never do it again." Petr snarled.

Alex and Kevin watched from their hiding place, giggling quietly at the stupid display the crooks were putting on for them.

Despite all these humiliations, these criminals still believed they were capable of anything, their pride was unbeatable - but so was Alex.


	27. Man, you must be up out your mind

"Doris... These crooks have had it easy..." Alex said, turning to his precious rat and giggling. Doris seemed to chirp in reply. A conversation so pure of heart that the bumbling crooks could never even try to understand. Kevin gave the inseparable pair a wink and a nod, ready to prepare more nightmares for the idiotic criminals to endure. 

Petr's wonderful tokus roared as he ended Jernigan's punishment. The two other men wouldn't dare look him in the eye after that display of humiliation. Jernigan begrudgingly pulled up his pants, shivering in the utter deprecation of it all. 

"Where's the broad?" Unger sighed, his criminally nasal voice as unmistakably irritating as ever. 

"It must be a crime to have a voice that dumb!" Alex and Kevin exchanged a mischievous heroic look as they inwardly groaned at Unger's cringeworthy voice. 

"Alice has been doing a much better job than you, sir." Petr spat in the face of his inferior, making him seem even more like the insignificant piece of dirt he was made to be. 

"A broad is a broad. " Unger mumbled "There's only so good she can be."

"Quit your whining Mr. Un-" 'PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRP!' Petr was interrupted as he birthed a truly monstrous fart that pushed through his asshole like a stampede of raging buffalos. The sound was like water rippling and it had the force of a thousand men. Unger could even feel his body be pushed backwards slightly as the deadly rage of a fart spread through the air rapidly. It was like a forcefield created from Petr's own tuchis. And daren't anyone try to step inside that forcefield. 

"Holy fuck..." Unger said almost in disbelief. He was so tired of his leader's bullshit. This was the guy who was telling him what to do? Not likely! 

"Aren't you gonna do one back?" Petr hissed at the long haired doofus. 

"I didn't think that was.. How it worked..." Unger said, laughing a little bit at the stupidity of the situation.

"AREN'T YOU GONNA DO ONE BACK?!" Petr bellowed, repeating his last sentence with an expression that could only be described as demonic. "Bon Appetit, Mr. Unger."

Petr slammed Unger's hefty body down on to the wooden floorboards. Unger had not been prepared for the sheer pressure and fell to the floor abruptly. Petr then crouched down, his chocolate starfish pointed directly into Unger's mouth. Then Beaupre truly began to let loose. The savoury yet fruity aroma of Petr's flatulence entered Unger's mouth. It was so sweaty and rancid and smelled like a whole prison cell of chimpanzees that had been left for a year. It probably wasn't just farts that were leaving Petr's bruised and swollen elephant behind. The great tokus wobbled and shook as Unger tried to push Petr off him. Slimy rancid shit was dripping through the fabric of Beaupre's slacks and Unger felt like he could vomit on the spot. When he signed up for this, he was NOT expecting his boss to pin him down and shit in his mouth. Fruity, garlicky diarrhea flowed from his bunghole like a raging river as the big nosed maniac coughed and spluttered in pure disgust. 

"Get the fuck offa me!" Unger managed to say, though it was very muffled considering the lumpy Beaupre bum that was pinning him down. Red hot debris and bitty pieces of shit were spraying out of Petr's behind. Maybe even Jernigan got it better with the spanking. Messing with Beaupre never ended well, that was for sure! Unger could feel that Petr was erect, too! Which timed his disgust by another hundred... This was nice for him? Unger didn't want the thought to even cross his mind. 'Why're all the guys I gotta work with such fucked up homos...?' He thought to himself trying desperately to ignore the situation he had found himself in. 

Petr finally got off of the big nosed goon and shook his bum in his face. Unger flinched in disgust, he felt a strong urge to look at hot girls after seeing this horrifying spectacle. Petr pouted and folded his arms like a little girl who got told she couldn't get a pony. It looked so stupid! The big, blubbering elephant of a man that was Petr somehow perfectly imitating the essence of a small girl. 

"Now whack my bum!" Petr said in a prissy voice and turned around sticking his shit stained tushie in the younger man's face. Miniscule bitty bits of poop managed to escape through the fabric of his pants, flying towards Earl Unger like a storm of unholy bullets. 

 

Meanwhile Jernigan was waddling around, turtle heading and bloated. He was embarrassed to return to the rest of the crooks and farted wearily in shame as he tugged at his billowing brown slacks. A squitty stream of shit with the consistency and appearance of drool squirted out of his chocolate starfish and he burped in dismay. 

"Jernigan... Why are you slacking off?!" Said a threatening voice from behind him. It was Alice Ribbons, torn to ribbons! Jernigan jumped back ready to apologize but suddenly he felt something sharp and painful hit him on the tush. It was a whip!

"Wh-what are you doing!?" Jernigan asked as he held his raw behind that was now throbbing with pain. 

"Are you stupid, Mr. Jernigan? You know full well what I just did." The young woman hissed, a sly grin appearing on her face. Jernigan's face was redder than a beet farm, he couldn't believe this girl had the audacity to inflict such humiliation upon him. He let out a sandy, rough fart in shock. 

"Please. Do not do that to me." Jernigan protested, his bottom lip quivering. His gargantuan tush was truly built for spanking. Each of his perky globes were glowing with redness from the impact. 

"I can't make any promises." Alice said, giving him a sadistic smile. No wonder this woman had managed to get so far in the criminal world, despite her physical appearance and young age. She was a ruthless criminal after all!

Jernigan rubbed his sore cheeks and moaned in pain. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him, however, and quickly got back up, trying to regain his dignity. But he was quickly pushed back and fell onto a chair, only this time it was the work of two heroic little boys! 

 "Open wide!" Alex jeered, shoving a funnel down Jernigan's throat.

"Pop inside!" Kevin finished the rhyme, cuffing his hands while Alex grabbed a jar of mayonnaise and poured the whole thing into the funnel. The goopy fluid trickled down his throat with ease. Part of him enjoyed the taste but the other half wanted nothing more than to be free.

"Jernigan you dumbass! Stop delaying us!" Alice yelled at the blue eyed prisoner. Jernigan could only burp in reply. Then came the spaghetti, the pasta slithering down his throat like worms. Jernigan probably had worms too, at this point. Then came the beans, the mushy veggies making Jernigan fart as soon as they touched his mouth. 

"AOOHHHGAAHH!" Jernigan howled in a high pitched tone, they had now moved on to gooey, rancid cabbage. Jernigan's bum would be a danger zone by the time the two paladins were through with him. Jernigan could feel his bowels loosen as the gas inducing food digested. His belly was burning and churning and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold it in. 

Jernigan began to feel something tickle his starfish and he looked down to see Doris, the pint sized rat nibbling at his asshole. Jernigan wriggled around but his legs were now bound to the chair. Alex had cut a hole in the seat of the chair where Jernigan's black and blue bum was on display. You could almost picture it saying 'Goodmorning starshine, the earth says hello!'. The pooey planet was on it's last straw, there was only so much longer Jernigan could contain nature's calling. Doris was still gnawing and nibbling on his two bowling ball sized buttocks, it wasn't enough to draw any blood but it was enough to cause a torturous tickling sensation. 

Gunky tinned soup was being poured into his mouth as he tried to regurgitate the unrecognizable mush. Alice looked away in disgust, she knew she'd have to help him eventually but didn't want to be attacked by the two justice bringers. She could almost imagine his thoughts right now, 'Why isn't she helping me?!' she laughed to herself. A rush of power overcame her as she took in just how much authority she had over Burton Jernigan. 

Jernigan was at wit's end. He had no plan of escape and Alice didn't seem to be helping. He'd have to wait for Petr or Unger to come help him out. Okay, maybe just Petr. He highly doubted the big nosed brute would want to be involved in this predicament. Jernigan felt his entire body shiver as a tin of prunes slipped down the chute. His bowels would not be able to handle this one. Then the shit came flying. Creamy, orange shit sprayed from his bunghole much like the hose he'd been fighting with earlier. The liquid bum fudge covered Doris like a chocolate coated strawberry as she squeaked in horror. It smelled sweet and fruity yet rancid and eggy and it was an indescribably disgusting odor. Jernigan screamed as rivers of diarrhea came flowing.

"We should nickname your butt Niagra falls!" The parrot squawked. Jernigan sighed at the bird's hilarious comparison while the two kids were in tears laughing.

"BEAUPRE! BEAUPREEE!" Jernigan bellowed in agony, finally getting a chance to form a word now that the funnel was out. 

"That's just embarrassing, Jernigan. Sort it out yourself." Alice sighed, still averting her eyes from the horrifying scene that she was witnessing. 

"Boohooo!" Jernigan cried in a childlike manner, much like his earlier 'winky' comment. 

"Poor Doris." Alex said, taking a look at his now creamy brown rat. Doris seemed to understand and gave Alex a forgiving look. Jernigan then released an almighty dump. It was swirly and big like something out of a cartoon and it was boiling hot and filled with worms. It was massive! 

"Jernigan? More like Wormybum!" The parrot chirped. Alex, Kevin and Doris were practically rolling on the floor at this point. Worms! Jernigan had worms!

"Hurtbum Wormybum!" The parrot squawked again, repeating his golden joke. Jernigan leered menacingly at the boys and pet. But he just looked like a big, stinky loser.

 

The egos of the crooks still remained as unscathed as ever and they still had their dignity... At least for now, that was. A little boy named Alex seemed to have other plans!


	28. Chapter 28

"Alice!" Jernigan pursed his lips, trying to regain respect from her after he'd landed that catastrophic dump. "Uncuff me!"

He threw out a puffy, airy toot to add to his threat to his demand.

Alex and Kevin had scampered off while Alice had been distracted, two little imps on a mission. They hadn't been able to stand the stench for too long anyway. 

"How am I supposed to do that, idiot?!" Alice held her nose, trying not to look at the mess the man had made, it was truly everywhere!

"They're dumb kids, they left the key on the floor." He tilted his head in the direction of the keys to his freedom. "Hurry up!"

"If I wanted this mission done efficiently, I should just leave you here." She smirked, weighing up the options in her head while watching Jernigan's eyes widen at the thought. "But then again, you just make me look better in Beaupre's eyes, so I'll let you go."

Once again, the fate of one, Burton Jernigan, was in her hands and boy did it feel good. With the simple twist of a key, Jernigan had slid off the cuffs and was ready to fight back again.

He told himself the same would happen to anyone if they were faced with that combination of food. Anyone would shit a river in that situation. Of course, this was wrong and nothing more than a pathetic attempt to big himself up a little - except perhaps in Beaupre's case, he too would probably release a riptide of raw shit.

"Where's Beaupre?" Jernigan asked Alice, suddenly. He always seemed to be looking for Beaupre. Alice thought he was a bit of a sycophant, this was very hypocritical though.

"With Unger, probably." Alice shrugged, looking around for any trace of where the boys had gone or where the chip may have been hidden.

"I want Beaupre!" He whined, he sounded extremely silly and childish. 

"Go find him, then." Alice couldn't be bothered with that kind of immaturity, anyway, she worked better solo.

"Beaupre!" He called once again, he had a very specific tone for calling their leader and it was like nails to a chalkboard to the whole team - it was maybe even up there with Unger's voice as one of the most annoying noises in the world.

Alice just rolled her eyes as Jernigan staggered away, weighed down by the sheer amount of dung he was storing in those unbearably brown slacks.

Alex and Kevin were out back in the garden, plotting away like the clever little crime-fighters they were. Doris was there too, of course, cleaning herself from the brown attack Beaupre had launched on her.

"I have so many more tricks up my sleeves!" Alex bragged, but it was okay because he was Alex, so he had bragging rights.

"Wicked!" Kevin grinned, he was so excited to see what was in store for the dastardly spies - it was like one big comedy special, and they were the audience!

"Crook alert! Crook alert!" The parrot seemed to appear out of nowhere, sounding the alarm.

The two boys spun around, behind them was Petr Beaupre and he was stark raving mad. 

"There you are!" His thick accent was bellowing out into the cold air.

"Hiya raspberry-rump" The parrot squawked. 

Petr bared his teeth trying to remain threatening but deep inside him, the sissy within was thriving at this comment. He was ecstatic that someone had finally objectified his large cottage cheese rumpus. 

"Someone needs a spanking!" Petr had to clench his fists tightly upon hearing the bird's comments, trying to distract himself from how arousing it was being humiliated by a parrot!

"Woah! You look super mad, Mr. Crook!" Kevin laughed, pointing at the squirming red-faced criminal.

"Why don'tcha come and get us, dumbo!" Alex yelled.

Beaupre pushed the parrot's comments behind him and began charging forward, looking like a stupid fat galumphing elephant. 

Alex shook his head and giggled, "stupid law-breaker!"

As these words were uttered, they really came to life when Beaupre slipped through the snow and disappeared.

Kevin and Alex ran over and found exactly what they'd been expecting, Petr Beaupre had fallen into a classic trap! They'd hidden a large garbage can beneath the snow and he'd fallen right in!

"How dare you!" Beaupre howled in shock. His big sissy cream-cheeser was super cramped in the not very spacious trap - it was such a tight squeeze! 

"We have a costume for you!" Alex threw down a delightfully pink fairy outfit. 

"I would never put that on!" He growled, although of course, it looked really exciting and prissy and he would've loved to wear it and prance about.

"Suit yourself!" Alex shrugged, dismissing the crook and leaving him in the trash where he belonged.

Petr didn't know what to do, he had no way of escaping unless one of his team came along! 

Most of him would be able to fit out of the garbage can but he knew his rowdy rump would protest it, greatly. Given the size of it.

It would be worth attempting though.

He began to heave himself up, desperately trying to lift himself out onto the snow. As he did so, pressure was forced upon his bastard of a belly and this squeezed out a whole load of rude and crude toots. Echoing off of the metal walls of the garbage can, the fillet o' farts sounded extremely tinny and loud. They were so amplified and even smelt metallic! Something about the bottom burps just felt so industrial and robotic! Petr couldn't believe his own bum was making these noises, it was inhumane!

Because he'd landed bottom first, Petr managed to stand up - despite the bin still being attached to his rootin' tootin' robust rhombus. It was such an embarrassing sight! In Beaupre's mind, there was only one way out of this situation. 

He bent forward, hands on the ground and big bum in the air. Then he went for it. Pushing and pulsating his asshole, he tried to birth a heaving, powerful, thunderous fart that could blow the garbage can right off. 

Beaupre was groaning and moaning, trying his best to push any type of fart out - even a mountain minnow of a fart would be something! He felt something unlodge in his rectum - perhaps his ticket to freedom.

He should've been prepared for it, but this stupid criminal had not cautioned himself on the presence of a pulpy hot mess of shit to let itself rip from his hellhole. It was unreal. Piping hot and squidlike - it seemed to have a mind of its own.

It did, in fact, shoot the can off but that was irrelevant now. The shit had burst straight through Beaupre's trousers and seemed to be squirming about on its own... On further inspection, it was not a solid poo, it was actually a shit-coated octopus! 

Beaupre stood, mouth open wide, not sure what to think of it all. Then his eyes settled on the fairy outfit which had been left with him.   
  
"Alice is wearing a bee costume, they wouldn't suspect I put it on on my own accord." He thought to himself, he knew he was gonna end up in it whether he liked it or not.

He stripped as quickly as he could and pulled on the extremely tight and short fairy costume, he soon realised there was a pink diaper to go with it. It made it even worse that he knew he needed one.

Once he was fully kitted out, diapered and dolled up, he decided some prancing would be necessary.

"Tra la la la la! Who's a pretty pony? Neigh neigh neigh! Whose poo is mascarpone? Mine mine mine!" He galloped about like a little prissy girl who was pretending to be a horse.

"I'm a little madam, pouty and rude! I won't stop my whining until you give me food!" He sang, now stomping around as if he were a toddler having a tantrum, desperate to embody a bratty baby.

He threw himself onto his big blossoming boom-boom. Now he was sitting down, he began to pick his nose - just as any prissy girl might when the grown-ups weren't looking. He felt awfully cheeky and dirty, being a rude little madam and huffing about and then turning away to be a filthy little girl who picks her boogers and then gulps them down.

All of a sudden, Beaupre got the hiccups! A professional criminal was dressed as a sissy fairy and now had the hiccups! Each "hicc!" made him jump and giggle and maybe even let out a little fizzle of a fart.

He was loving every sissy-ish second of it!

"Why do I always gotta be the one who sees this shit?" Unger appeared on the scene, looking extremely disgusted by what he was seeing.

"Not fair!" All of a sudden Beaupre spoke up, with no explanation.

"What? What's not fair?" Unger asked, although he didn't think there was much point given the situation, it was unlikely he was gonna get a proper answer.

"Not fair! Don't care! Not fair! Don't care!" Beaupre stuck out his tongue and pouted.

"How you've never been caught by the FBI beats me." Unger shook his head, he couldn't believe this guy was his boss - he was basically an infant!

Beaupre tottered to his feet and waggled his big balloon of a bum, playfully. While doing so, a stroppy trumpeting noise erupted from it!

"Oh for fuck's sake! What the fuck is even happening with you?" Unger exclaimed. "I don't know why I didn't confront you more the first time you did this shit."

"Oogabgah?" Beaupre chortled, his expression showed no sign of him understanding what Unger was saying.

"You act as if we slack off, but here you are," Unger muttered, walking away. 

Suddenly the big sissy span around.   
  
"Mr. Unger!" He boomed, causing the other man to tense up upon hearing this voice of pure anger.

"What?" Unger couldn't believe Beaupre was gonna go and pretend none of that just happened.

"Did you just accuse ME of slacking off?" Beaupre stormed over to him, looking as threatening as one could in a diaper and a fairy costume.

"What else would you call that then?" Unger asked, backing away slightly after smelling the shit-stained man.

"Those boys... They hypnotised me." He claimed, to be honest, it wasn't that unbelievable - given what Alex and Kevin had achieved thus far.

"Course they did." Unger rolled his eyes. He didn't believe it for a second, seeing as he'd seen it so many times now.

"You dare accuse me of lying?" Beaupre's accent was thicker than usual. He got up close to Unger, letting a few ripe ones go as a warning.

"No," Unger said, quickly, afraid of what Beaupre would do.

"Now get back to work, immediately!" He spat. 

Unger walked quickly into the house, not really sure in which direction - as long as it looked like he was busy.

Meanwhile, Jernigan was just walking down the stairs, only to collide with Unger.

"Have you seen Beaupre?" Jernigan asked, stiffly.

"Yeah, why?" Unger wasn't sure Jernigan would want to see him if he knew how he was looking.

"I need Beaupre!" Jernigan continued, letting an impatient and greasy one climb out. "Where is he?"

"I don't know," Unger replied, flatly.

"But you said you saw him!" Jernigan was being insufferable as per usual. "You said you saw Beaupre!"

"I don't fucking know where he is!" Unger snapped. 

"No need for the anger, Unger." Jernigan made sure the point was made that the word "anger" sounded similar to his name.

Suddenly, Unger noticed Alex run across the landing, a tiny little hero scurrying away!

"The kid!" He shouted, running up the stairs with Jernigan in pursuit.

"Oh, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!" Unger raced to the top, in time to see the bathroom door slam shut.

The pair of comedic crooks barged into the bathroom, only to find it empty. 

"He must be in here somewhere," Jernigan muttered, searching around.

All of sudden, Jernigan was hollering and a bathroom tile had flipped up beneath his foot, causing him to topple into the bathtub. Just another of Alex's ingenious traps.

"Mind your step," Unger smirked.

"Ahhh!" Jernigan realised it wasn't a normal bath at all, it was all frogspawn!

"Suck it up, bubble-butt!" The parrot swooped down, smugly. The parrot even had a pair of handcuffs and it was not long before Jernigan's hands were cuffed to the shower and he was stuck in the bath.

"Don't fuck them this time," Unger said, finding the situation reminiscent of the previous eel encounter.

"Eat them up or you'll get shot!" The parrot held a gun out.

"That's my gun!" Unger exclaimed.

The parrot just laughed and squawked. 

Jernigan began his task, opening his mouth wide and guzzling down the frogspawn, it tasted weirdly fishy and salty and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. It was so lumpy and slippery and something about it felt homosexual! He kept on going, though. he knew the parrot wasn't joking. His stomach churned and gurgled in displeasure and he could see it was bloating through his shirt, he could even see all the lumps of the frogspawn pressing against his skin.

"What a faggot! You actually ate them! I can't even shoot a gun, I'm a parrot!" The parrot would've been crying with laughter if it could've.

Upon hearing this, Jernigan was so overcome with anger that he released a furious wave of diarrhoea. It was not only shit, it was also all the frogspawn he'd just swallowed! Lumpy, brown and jellylike, this shit was unlike any he'd done before - it was honestly quite soothing for him to release, the bubbly feeling of it was quite comforting on his tortured tookus.

Unger just stood frozen in disgust.

Jernigan was just bobbing around in it all, frogspawn-y, shitty liquid. He felt so tranquil in the soothing substance, it was like being massaged by lots of little eggs. 

"Why do you crooks keep pooping yourselves?" Alex popped out from a cabinet. 

"Ah, fuck! You little gremlin!" Unger noticed the heroic kid poking his head out.

He lunged forward, hoping to catch the courageous kid but instead, diving to the floor.

Then there were frantic footsteps and Alex locked himself back in his hiding space and Jernigan submerged himself entirely in the dung disaster (which now also had cum in it).

Alice appeared at the door, looking both embarrassed and furious at the sight of her colleague.

"Get out, Unger!" She grimaced. 

"What? Why? The kid's in here, ya stupid broad!" Unger didn't see why he should have to leave.

"I said, get OUT!" Her voice was even angrier now, from inside the cabinet, Doris shivered.

Before he was about to ask why again, Unger remembered where they were: the bathroom.

"You don't... need to....right now, do you?" He found it all too inconvenient. Although, in defence of the lady crook, they hadn't had a chance to since the morning.

"Yes! Now shut up and get out of my sight!" Alice hissed, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him over to the door.

"I can't!" Unger refused to leave. "The fuckin' kid's in here and if I leave, so will he! I'm not messing this whole shit up for some dumb bimbo!"

"Also, Jernigan's in the bath with some frogspawn and shit or something." He added, gesturing to the lump that was Burton.

As if in response, Jernigan let out a deep, hollow one that made bubbles in the substance.

"Can't you do it somewhere else?" Unger tried.

"No, not everyone does it in their PANTS, Mr Unger!" Alice spat, finalizing her actions.

"Shaddup." Unger scowled. "I'll just close my eyes and wait over there."

He headed over to where Alex was hidden and leant against it to prevent the benevolent boy from escaping. Then he closed his eyes. If it had been another woman he might've faked it but to him Alice was repulsive and the thought of seeing any part of her disgusted him, immensely.

There was a large awkward silence in which Alice couldn't remove her bee suit easily and struggled to get the bulky, thick costume off of her. Once she'd peeled it off of herself, it was obvious she'd let a few rip in it as there was a strong pungent smell where the farts had soaked into the chunky material. It was truly disgusting and so unladylike for such a feminine, ice queen.

As soon as the pissing began, Alex silently unlocked the cabinet and used all his might, force and determination to push himself out and slam Unger to the floor.

"Whaaaaaaa!?" Unger's voice pierced through the air, it was just so damn annoying!

"Shit!" Alice jumped in shock, causing some of her urine to splatter onto the ground, making such an unprofessional mess.

Kevin ran in out of nowhere, with a pair of handcuffs - speedily slipping them onto Unger before he could react. Then Alex grabbed the crook by his dumb long hair and pulled him over to the unflushed toilet.

"You'd better fuckin' not, you little rats!" Unger screeched.

"Rat is NOT an insult!" Alex gave Doris such a pure and delicate kiss that it would bring a tear to any good guys eye if they saw it.

Unger choked and spluttered as his head was dunked repeatedly into Alice urine.

Speaking of Alice, Kevin's sudden arrival had caused her to try and run, only to slip on her own wee and fall to the floor, squirming and writhing like an obese insect as she struggled to get up in her clunky, chunky costume. The bee suit was really absorbent, though, and sucked up the pee in seconds!

"Stahp!" Unger's voice had gotten even more nasal with desperation.

"Sorry! I don't speak criminal!" Alex shouted, so much force and power was in his voice.

"Stahp! I said stah-" He was interrupted by yet another visit to the land of Alice's pee. It was so fume-y and chemical-y, and the pee was SO yellow.

"Awwww! Does the crook want us to stop?" For some reason, Alex was basically screaming this. "Well TOO BAD! Bad guys get what they deserve."

Out of nowhere, Jernigan became aware of his surroundings. He arose from his shitty dreamworld, like some sort of creature from the brown lagoon.

He looked around to see the wriggling wee-y bee-y Alice on the floor and Unger being basically tortured by the tyrannical tots.

Not really sure what to do, he grabbed a fistful of frogspawn and hurled it at Alex and Kevin.

"Ew! Gross!" They chorused.

"Hoi yah!" Jernigan took on a pitiful karate stance, positioning his hands as if he were about to do a chop.

"Well, that's sad!" Alex laughed.

Jernigan bent over to pick up more frogspawn to throw, showing off his big caboose in the process. He let a flabby, rippling one out, the hurried out like a free range chicken - squawking and cackling.

Grabbing more gooey eggs, he chucked piles of it at the two boys who were distracted with their drowning.

"Why does it smell like poop?!" Kevin asked, having missed that spectacle.

"Oh, the smelly crook pooped his pants again!" Alex explained, jeering at Jernigan.

"I did not!" Jernigan tried to sound really regal, letting a royal, luxurious one step out proudly from his behind.

"Yeah you did, you big stinky-bummed crook!" This caused Jernigan to leer at them, lurching forward to give them an icy blue stare.

"Is that supposed to be scary?" Alex asked, laughing a little.

Jernigan just leaned in closer, smirking slightly, awkwardly wobbling a little, trying to be threatening.

"This is so embarrassing!" Kevin was nearly in hysterics.

Not really thinking it through, Jernigan tried hissing at the boys as he twisted his head closer. It was such a pathetic sight!

"Did you just hiss!? What a loser! You're supposed to be a high profile criminal!" Alex cried.

Jernigan was so close, they could smell his awful, fishy breath. They already stopped with Unger but he was still regaining his breath on the floor. Now it was time for Jernigan to suffer once again!

Alex grabbed his loose brown slacks and pulled them straight down, revealing all of the shit Jernigan had done.

Jernigan was MAD! He wanted to be seen as a hardcore hacker, these kids weren't gonna stop that! No way!

He growled and tried to leer again but it was even worse now with his big shiny plum hanging out, with stringy grey poo dangling out.

"Jernigan, what the actual fuck?" Unger managed despite the smell of Alice's piss still continuing to choke him.

"Shut up, Unger, you'll never know what it's like to be able to hold this power over people. This is what it's like being threatening." Jernigan did a really quick grin, hoping that would spin the two kids out and terrify them.

"You make me wanna throw up." Unger looked away as more bubbling grey poo fizzed out like a science experiment, there were raisins in there somehow. None of it had any explanation - it was Jernigan after all, anything could happen in his lumphole!

"Aren't you gonna do anything?" Alex asked Jernigan, expecting him to actually try and hurt him.

"Of course, this is just how it begins!" He laughed, then leapt forward to grab them both, forgetting his pants were down and dropping to the floor as both Alex and Kevin zoomed out of the room.

"Why didn't you just pull them up the second they got pulled down?" Unger asked. He'd finally recovered and was now washing his face aggressively.

"It didn't seem important," Jernigan replied, finally pulling them up - not bothering to wipe the poo away beforehand.

Alice finally got up as well, it had taken a lot longer than necessary to get that fat bee off of the ground.

"It didn't seem important, did it?" Unger said. "Right..."

"By the way, where's Beaupre?" Jernigan brought it up once again.

As if by magic, Beaupre arrived and the whole criminal crew were all together again.

"Beaupre," Jernigan said, curtly.

"Mr. Jernigan, you smell like a fish graveyard." The yeasty sissy, still clad in a fairy suit, announced. 

"I see you haven't changed out of that outfit." Unger sniggered.

"I have nathing to change into!" Beaupre spat, turning to his inferior and picking him up.

"What are you doing?! Put me down!" Unger struggled against the hefty yet prissy man. Beaupre had picked him up really awkwardly, lifting Unger up from his stomach and pulling him against his own tubby chest - Unger's feet were barely off the ground.

"Why are you trying to pick him up?" Alice the fat insect asked.

"Yeah, what the broad said." Unger tried to kick him in the groin.

Beaupre put him down, spitting and snarling. "There is no reespect for me, you need to learn reespect again!"

With no good explanation, he really clumsily picked Unger up again, this time grabbing him by his legs to hoist him up - letting a tropical one loose as he bent down to get him. 

"You fuckin' dumbass! Let go of me!" Unger was both confused and enraged by the situation.

Even Jernigan agreed that Beaupre's actions seemed really misplaced and uncomfortable.

Beaupre breathed in very deeply, put Unger down again and looked at all his team.

"Mr. Jernigan, you go with Miss. Ribbons." He barked. "Mr. Unger, you cam with me! We are finding that chip, NOW!"

"Can't I just go alone?" Unger whined.

"Never disobey Beaupre." Petr grabbed Unger by his massive nose and led him out, despite his nasally protesting and awful noises.

No matter what Alex and Kevin threw at them, it seemed like the crooks were just becoming more and more smug and arrogant - there is just no wounding egos that size! But Alex and Kevin were no giver-uppers, nosiree! 


End file.
